Thursday, 31 January 2008

JF Day 31, Radical change, Ujwala......



Day 31 :

2 1/2 quarts cucumber, celery, kale, basil, pear, lemon, ginger
1 quart celery, carrot, lemon, ginger ( juice bar in town)
1 1/2 quart alkaline water with green powder

I love love love the gym - you were so right Doug :-)

A month ago, I had already decided to do some work back home in India and was planning to make three trips out there this year.

Now, the big decision we took the other night - We are moving to India this year  - sometime in May/June :-)))))

I feel so calm, serene and at the same time terribly excited about the new life we are going towards in our near future......I don't even have the words, they all feel pretty banal and inadequate - just wanted to share this with you all, the rest of my words will take time to find their place within before I manage to bring them out.........

I received an e-mail today from a soul-sister, a friend of more than 25 years, who is a precious support and who lights up my path with her wisdom and total understanding all the time - her name is Ujwala, which means - bright and lustrous.........
As I don't have words tonight, I'll let her words speak for me.......thanks so much, uj, love you sis.......

"We are living what we are meant to live now. And I like where we both are. And I'm looking forward to moving forward with you, wherever and whenever that maybe, whatever form it takes, however it may happen. I do so love you, my sister of the soul.
You need India and it will resource you. Your healing and sharing of this healing needs a stage and London is not the stage. You need to return to the sun, the thunderous monsoons, the dry arid winters and surrounded by a love that is beyond family, beyond understanding: it comes from India. India is generous, so generous, if we hadn't had our roots there, we could not have bloomed outside it."




Wednesday, 30 January 2008

JF Day 30 - Reflections at mid-point......



Day 30 :-)


* The last four days, I've been juice fasting instead of feasting, I was in pain and could not drink more than 2 quarts of juice - I will be gradually increasing the amounts back to normal from tomorrow.

* I had an acupuncture session yesterday evening and within fifteen minutes all pain disappeared. I have scheduled two more sessions in the next two weeks, first acupuncture, then colonics, same clinic.

* The list of my physical ailments was so long that over the last couple of months,  I had completely forgotten that I had fibroids in my womb. Green juices + Vitalzym are breaking and dissolving these formations and thus the intense pain this month. Hopefully next month will be better :-)

* I had a colonic this morning and that was a huge help, as usual. 

* I had cancelled my gym on Saturday and finally went this afternoon. I didn't have an appointment with the trainer today, so I was on my own. I felt so strange, wearing these gym clothes and brand new trainers, carrying my tote bag, I mean, who was this person, looking sporty, so not my style.
One guy was kind enough to show me a bike machine and set it up for me, level 1 - ten minutes. I was not sure I would last half that time!
Its a very demanding bike, if you slow down it switches itself off - after 3 minutes I thought I'd had it. After 3 more minutes, it began to feel okay. After 8 minutes, I began to flow with the flow, I disappeared, all that existed was a loop of energy being made by my legs, there was only this still point containing movement, just another wave to ride.....
After my 10 minutes, I did 10 more. I'm going back tomorrow, I have an appointment with a personal trainer.
Thus, I have slipped into the skin of someone who goes to the gym and loves it :-)

* Thank you once again, for leaving me kind and understanding, helpful and supportive comments.....
I'm learning so much from all of you juice feasters blogging, this circle of sharing enriches my life in every way. Its a blessing.

* These last few days, I have learnt for the umpteenth time the same learnings as before :
- The only way out is through.
- I am a circle with no periphery and my center everywhere.
- The extent of my suffering is totally dependent on my response to a problem or a pain, and in direct relation to which position I hold and what I choose to identify with.
- Riding the wave is all we can do.
- The very nature of existence, in all its varying dimensions and aspects (even in pain) is "bliss"
- Not one, not two, not me, not you, not this, not that, not yours, not mine, only the Life Divine....





Monday, 28 January 2008

JF Day 27 and 28 am



Day 27

1 quarts of cucumber, celery, kale, pear, lemon, ginger, green powder
1 1/2 quart of cucumber, celery, spinach, bok choy, red bell pepper, lemon, ginger, hemp oil
1 quart of alkaline water with green powder


Day 28 am

It is 7 am here, I'm so glad I got a few hours sleep........
Yesterday was the most difficult day I've had since the beginning of this juice feast, or maybe even since the beginning of this whole healing journey......
And it is not over yet. 

My time of the month, the worst time of the month! 

There was so much pain yesterday.......
Excruciating, intense, burning, searing, tearing me apart, so painful it was nauseating, I was holding myself, rocking, chanting mantras, saying please please please over and over again......

When one has begun to live in a pain free world for a while, tasted the possibility of being in a body that is so well and fine, then to suddenly find oneself back again in the grip of old times, is such a shock to the system......

How does one deal with this kind of pain, that spreads from the stomach, abdomen, to all over the body, as if the whole body is giving up.....legs start getting cramps too, the back, oh the lower back, right in the center spine, feels like the bone is being wrenched and twisted, left side headache that pulls on the neck and shoulders then travels and begins to seep out from your left eye like molten lava , one after the other, everything is affected. the whole body hurts and hurts real bad........
In the old world I would have popped a couple of Advils every few hours and that would have been that!
But I don't live in the old world anymore - it has just come a visiting.....and Advil feels like something from the pre-historic age! Alien!

At one point I asked Trevor to just hold me and I began to sob, crying on his shoulder......when would this be over, what was the whole point, would I ever really be completely healed, would the pain really leave me alone ever, or never........
But in the middle of this rant with my sweetheart simply holding me tight and being completely present for me, I realized that even though I was having all this pain, the pain wasn't really having all of me.......somewhere in the background I was still feeling good, even as I cried, I was still feeling good........
All I had to do was stay with this background and have the pain, not resist it, but embrace it fully, ride the wave, not run away from it.......

The rest of the day I lived in my new beautiful world, one with clarity and joy and a body that responds and is transforming slowly and surely, drinking my juice, not enough of it for the day, but well, whatever I could was ok......
I stayed in bed all the time, meditating, deep breathing, then reading blogs, posting comments, feeling inspired once again, grateful for all of you being there for me too.......

I slept very late, pain never allows one to sleep easily - it kicks you alive - and maybe that is what it is here to do really, that is its true purpose - to kick me into wakefulness - make me more conscious - take me further on the road to becoming whole - help me give up more of this illusion of control - allow me to dissolve more of my little petit self - it brings in the goddess Kali - all fierce and raging and swirling around me - then she simply cuts my head off quite graciously and finally there is sleep for a few hours, thanks to her........

The pain is still here, an old friend that I have outgrown but who has come calling on me with a gift - teaching me to surf in stormy weather - so I'm going to lie down and deep breathe, stay in my center and ride this wave again........



Sunday, 27 January 2008

JF Day 26 pm



ashes overflowing from a scratched crystal plate, dusty surfaces that moan, steel framed images of chaos on the wall......
his face behind the paper, sipping coffee, i write, sipping peppermint tea......
clouds float by, just a glimpse of sunshine, this lazy saturday afternoon brushes my face gently......

i scribble, he works on his crossword, we share pens and glances across the table, his presence tangible one moment, transitory the next.......
i could sit here forever, softly reaching out for a tender touch, a look, watching steps pass by on this ground of patterns clashing......

an eyebrow lifted, a confident smile, the bartender pours golden liquid over mounds of ice.....
a scene, a stage, the whole universe contained, in this old pub at hampstead place......
perhaps this rambling makes no sense, i am a stranger to these words flowing, and yet, the pen must have its say, before it runs out of ink and play......

mountains and valleys are born in a moment only to vanish an instant later, i remain still amidst noise and color, dissolving in the empty gap between breaths.....
peace reigns and travels from his hand to mine, mine to his, slowly seeping into my soul.....
i am at rest, at the bottom of the ocean, even as a multitude of waves arise on the shore......

i fill page after page, blue print on white void, meaning makes music of its own......

drip after champagne drip the carpet wets, colors mingle into a mosaic of ancient melodies, i want to capture with paint or pencil, this dance of endless eternity........
reds and browns, all colors around, talk to me, reveal the depths you hold, open your cracks ooze out your souls, what is real and what is not, this is beyond just flesh and bones.........



Saturday, 26 January 2008

JF Day 25 and 26



Day 25 :

1 quart cucumber, celery, kale, tomato, lemon, ginger, green powder
1/2 quart celery, carrot, ginger (juice bar in town)
1 quart cucumber, celery, spinach, coriander, carrot, lime, hemp oil
1 1/2 quart alkaline water with green powder


Day 26 : am

I slept for two hours and woke up at 2:30 am - wide eyed, with a chain of ideas and insights floating one after another through my mind......and a vision all finished, already made, dropped right into my being......
I was literally pulsating with energy, lying in bed with a silly wide grin, overwhelmed with gratitude, holding a clear picture of a new world, a new home, in this night space ........
A huge change once again.......another country, another place.....
My energy woke Trevor up too, and I shared my vision with him......it resonated so completely for him, that a decision was made right away......how incredible is that??!!
We talked for hours and plans were made, practicalities discussed, dreams were bared and laughter shared......
Will tell more over here, when the time is right.......
Till then, we simply have to hold this very gently, it is so precious, this new path unfolding, that is leading us to sunshine, blue skies, away from our present lives........
There are so many things to do, and many more to undo......

How many lives are going to be radically transformed, inside and out, on this journey of Juice feasting? :-)
This really is, a Hero's journey......

I'll go make some juice and catch up with you'll later......
Sweet dreams to those going to bed, and a very happy morning to those waking up......and welcome to Poppy, juice feasting in Paris.......



Friday, 25 January 2008

Scribbles from my journal - 11



intimacy :


i look into your eyes
so deep and intense
hidden behind veils of silver
glimmers
the secret of your core.....

you look into my eyes
searching for space
reaching for a place
to rest
and come home......

our hands come forward
lingering 
trembling fingers entwine 
and stroke
the yearning for more.......

walls around us
dissolve and melt
then flow away
leaving
a row of open doors.......

a moment when 
time stays still 
pauses and sighs
full of life
a wave breaks
on the shore........

whole in Self
whole together
our bodies aligned
joined in ecstasy
in the center
of our souls.........




Thursday, 24 January 2008

JF Day 24



Day 24 :

1 quart cucumber, celery, kale, tomato, parsley, lemon, ginger, hemp oil
1 quart celery, carrot, ginger (from a juice bar in town)
1 1/2 quarts cucumber, celery, spinach, bok choy, basil, tomato, ginger, lemon, green powder
1 quart alkaline water with green powder

First of all, a big Welcome to some new juice feasters, every day the numbers increase, this is so exciting :-)


Philip from Loving Raw
Suki at Qito
Lucy from Redefining Reality
Heidi from Raw Food Right Now


I woke up at noon today, had a hard time opening my eyes. Slept 10 hours straight. I must say, the last couple of days drained me a bit, what with a very powerful colonic session the day before - then last night an enema that almost matched the colonic.........

Today, the sun was shining, the sky was blue and I stepped out to get my dose :-)
Walked to town instead of taking the bus, felt so good even though a little tired - found a place on the Green that does organic fresh juice, a little too sweet but good nevertheless. I sat outside in the sun drinking half a quart, then took along another half with me.....

I found a place that colors hair using organic plant derived colors, so as I'm not yet ready to have even a partially grey head, I went and treated myself over there, they were very good, even offered a free head massage with an aromatic oil of my choice......

And then I did something quite unexpected, out of the blue - that completely took me by surprise.....
I walked into the Richmond Hill health club and joined it for a month. I have never done anything like this before, first of all I haven't had the energy to do it ever, and then I've always shied away from exercising and sweating in the midst of other people.
Shucks, I don't even know how the hell this happened, but it has and now I have an appointment on Saturday with an induction coach!
I'll have to buy gym clothes, whatever that means, not a clue - as well as a pair of appropriate shoes........
Well, it has happened, so now I better accept and enjoy it......
I'm going to take it slow, take my time, and I plan to make this new experience a load of fun :-)
Some work on some machines, no idea here either - will find out soon enough......perhaps a yoga class a week - and what really makes me happy is the idea of saunas, yessssss, more toxins out :-)

And I will take my supplements more regularly, drink more juice, I want to finally take it to one gallon next week.......

Oh yes, I tried on some old clothes from 5 years ago, just to give me an idea of how much more I needed to lose to get into one of my favorite black pants - and I fit right into them.....
No idea about weight loss, I'm not weighing myself at all - but this was a super gift, for sure :-)

Ok I can't stop smiling, so smile with me :-)

Just an ordinary day that turned out to be not so ordinary after all........





Wednesday, 23 January 2008

Movement Thinking and Dance with the Elements......



"Nothing happens until something moves." - Albert Einstein

I've taught Movement and Strategies of Response, as part of the Integral Leadership Workshops I've done over the past years, and I'd like to share a basic review of this fascinating subject with you......
All words written in italics are quotes from Stuart Heller, on whose work this post is based.


Movement Thinking

Movement is not only about moving through space, it is about breathing, directing energy and attention, about playing and working, about moving through feelings and emotions, about expressing our moods and letting ourselves 'be moved" by what we perceive......

Movement is also a way of thinking.

Relatively solid and predictable events that make up life and experience, stand on a base of utter randomness and continual change.  

By accepting this change instead of clinging to the illusion of safe and secure, by acknowledging and using complementary sides, by going beyond the either/or logic. by moving through fixed rigid points and emerging into free space - we begin to practice "Movement Thinking" and "Movement based Language." 
And Movement thinking leads to real deep changes in our way of being with others and the world. 

The way you move through life can be seen in the way you move through life.

Strategy of Response to an Encounter - Dancing with all the Elements

Just as moving water shapes the ground over which it flows, every different way of moving and responding shapes you differently.

How do you habitually move and respond to an encounter?
It could be an encounter with a person, a thing, an idea, a feeling, a deadline, a situation, an expectation or a totally imagined event.

The way you respond forms a structure of thought, feeling, muscle, and energy - This structure can either support you in being your best or can become a barrier to any positive feelings or desires. This can also be called your Mind-Set, with its own corresponding psychological and behavioral aspects.

Which shape do you inhabit habitually? What is your strategy towards encounters? 

Which element or elements do you usually dance with?


Earth : 

When you dance with Earth, you use the straegy of "not moving" - you don't move forward to meet the approaching encounter, you wait and see, and respond only when necessary. 
You have the strength to resist the push and pull of incoming forces. The response of "not moving" can be a valuable ally in many different situations. You have defined boundaries and you know how to say No. 
When you dance only with Earth and begin to let it dominate you - it can have two effects. One is that your boundaries get so rigid that nothing can move you at all, no one can get to you, but neither can you get out. You close yourself off and find it hard to show what you really feel. The second is that you develop bureaucratic resistance to any force that has the potential to change you or your life. You resist leaving the known and prefer to stick with the status quo.


Water :

When you dance with Water, you instinctively know how and when to "step back" and develop the response of yielding. You face approaching situations and forces by bending to accommodate their pressures. You reshape your boundaries, adapt, become plastic and resilient. 
This adaptation is achieved without losing your "boundary integrity." Like a wave in the ocean, you move back from the shore and then return. You are flexible and supple.
When you dance only with Water and flow away in its flow, then - you begin to "give in" by going back but losing the ability to come forward to reclaim your position again or - you begin to "give up" by losing your boundary integrity and let the forces in, even though you wanted to say No.


Fire :

When you dance with Fire, you develop the response of "stepping forward" and meeting the incoming force, person or event. You are spontaneous and move with enthusiasm towards an approaching encounter. 
You look ahead and beyond any obstacles, to the goal. This attitude transforms the entire encounter and creates a magnetic charge in the atmosphere. That which was once an obstacle to your forward motion becomes something that you now only pass through.
When you dance only with Fire and let it burn you with its passion, then instead of being spontaneous, you lose the ability to wait a moment before moving forward and react impulsively, thus diminishing your capacity for awareness, discrimination and centered action.
Also instead of seeing the obstacle as something to "pass through" you see it as something "in your way" and lose your energy in trying to "fight it".


Air :

When you dance with Air, you give way to the incoming force by "turning out of the way". You cultivate an attitude of calm and are not easily moved by any approaching encounter. Like a martial arts artist you know how to redirect the blow rather than confront it directly. 
By staying calm in the midst of turmoil you can act with clarity and precision.
When you dance only with Air, this leads to two reaction styles : 
The Space Cadet - letting go too much, being blown away like a leaf.
The Control Freak - fighting too hard to hold on, trying to manage all the leaves.


The warrior's secret is to invest time and energy in cultivating all the responses, learning to dance with all the elements, depending upon the context and need. This encourages your natural capacity to be flexible and versatile in action, thus creating excellence and elegance in all spheres of your life.



JF Day 21, 22, 23......



Day 21 :

2 quarts cucumber, celery, bok choy, tomatoes, spinach, lemon, ginger
1 1/2 quart celery, kale, pear, coriander, lime, green powder, hemp oil
1 1/2 quart alkaline water with green powder


Day 22 : 

2 quart celery, kale, pear, coriander, lime
1 quart celery, carrot, spinach, lemon, ginger, hemp oil, green powder
1 1/2 quarts alkaline water

It is Day 23 here, early morning - I've had 6 hours of beautiful sleep and I feel as though my mind and body have deeply regenerated over the night, I feel refreshed and awake, alive....
Sipping on a quart of juice left over from last evening, what a way to begin the day.....

The last couple of days have been one round of high excitement and connecting with people, in the blogosphere receiving and expressing gratitude for inspiring blogs - as well as on phone calls with India........ah yes, India calls me everyday now, sometimes loud and clear, sometimes in sweet whispers and Mumbai, Pune, Pondicherry, Auroville wait......

Sometimes I can't believe that this whole journey of healing for me, began only at the end of September, and really only accelerated in the middle of October after my live blood analysis....
Only four months, and I began blogging exactly 2 months ago - my first post was 23 Nov last year......
It feels like a lifetime away from the days when I was constantly sick and tired.......The memories of this old world seem like something I can only glimpse through a veil now, from a distance, they are no longer tangible to me and have completely lost their power in my present.......

Yesterday evening I went for my weekly colonic session with Julia.......after three months of regular cleansing, it is so amazing to see ancient stuff still leaving me, again and again and again.....Good riddance, bye bye, ta ta........
And it is confirmed, half the hair on my head are growing back dark instead of grey, how is that possible, I can't get over it! Julia said, it is not so surprising, 3 months of green juice nourishment and 3 months of constant cleansing, will do that - the clock is ticking backwards now, this is anti-aging, I'm actually, concretely getting younger.......

How cool is that?? :-)



Tuesday, 22 January 2008

Inspiration, Shell's Love, Passing it on.......




"For those bloggers who inspire others through their words and actions. With a positive attitude, and uplifting spirit these bloggers make the blogosphere a better place, and encourage others to do the same. This award is for bloggers who rise up to set an example but continue to reach out and support others."


Wow, I received this award from Shell at TheRawKitchen this morning......
Thank you Shell for this shower of love, I'm touched and really thrilled! I absolutely adore and love your blog, you are an inspiring and guiding light, a fresh and pure, spontaneous and bright angel, on this healing journey......and thank you for giving me the opportunity to express my gratitude to others too......

Now I get to pass it on to 5 other bloggers who inspire me and that is even better :-) 


1* Fatma - A Magnificent Life
You have been my friend from the very beginning of this journey, holding my hand and walking beside me, pointing out the peaks and valleys, the plants and the rivers in my new landscape. You inspire everyone with your superb blog filled with recipes, information, words that glow, the beauty and simplicity of your world and above all your unconditional love and enthusiasm for life. 
And we are going to meet soon, I so look forward to that :-)

2* Jenny - Wylde and Raw
You transform the ordinary into the very extra-ordinary, the normal into the magical and make us all notice how very beautiful and amazing this world is, just the way it is. I simply adore your writing, the flow and streams of your consciousness, your sensitivity, creativity and the attention you gift to all the myriad sparkles that make up your life. Thank you.

I'd like to pass on this award to three of my juice feasting companions who inspire me deeply every day, thank you for your support, sincerity and generosity..........
I hope that even after this journey of feasting is over (and it doesn't matter in the least how long it lasts, each day has been precious and a blessing), all of the juice feasters will continue blogging about the journey of their life, sharing their insights, experiences and light with all of us........
Like Carrie said, we ride amidst a league of juice feasting heroes, gratitude to each one of you.....


3* Carrie - Radical Living Laboratory
You are my first stop every morning. Thank you for shining and dancing through each day with such brilliant and uplifting energy, clear and transparent, and for writing an integrally informed blog, for keeping in sight the forest as well as each tree, each branch, each leaf.......
You are the perfect snow crystal, illuminating our journey with your radiance.....

4* Jack and Jill - Jack and Jill's Juice Feast
Like I said before, thank you for creating a space together that is so authentic and balanced, a dynamic that keeps us all centered and grounded. Your blog is the best rest and peace stop for our monkey minds on this feast. You are the warm loving heart beating at the center of our journey, making music and touching our lives in more ways than I can express......

5* Kalequeen - Loving the Green Life
Thank you Alison, for your humor, your wit, your lightness and play, along with immense strength and inner force. You are truly inspiring. Even though I only know you here in the blogosphere, I feel such tenderness and affection for you. 
You are a blessing for all those children you work with and you are sowing beautiful seeds of awareness and consciousness in their souls, rest assured, one day those seeds will blossom and change the world......


I'm sorry I don't know how to put links on my posts yet, but all the people listed above are also listed on my blog. I really need to learn how to do that pronto, any help is appreciated by this quite computer un-savvy me, puuhhleeezzz. 

Have a wonderful yumptious juicy day all of you, Love and Sunshine from my heart......xxx





Monday, 21 January 2008

Scribbles from my journal - 10



i sit before a white screen,
pouring my insides out,
free from freedom and bondage,
free from fear and doubt......


my mind is a smart monkey,
day to day the same,
no need to stop or say no,
no need to play its game.........

neti, neti,
not this, not this,
no words to capture or describe,
the constant screen behind.......

one drop of rainwater,
silence that pervades the night,
light that flickers on and off,
and just this is right........

this unfolds so gently,
so softly caresses my soul,
how can one single moment contain,
a whole lifetime and more......

touch of the goddess on my face,
i feel beautiful to my core......




Sunday, 20 January 2008

JF Day 18, 19 and 20.......



Day 18 :

1 1/2 quart cucumber, celery, spinach, basil, tomato, lemon, ginger, green powder
2 quarts cucumber, celery, carrot, kale, parsley, lime, ginger, hemp oil
2 1/2 quarts alkaline water with green powder


Day 19 : 

1 1/2 quart cucumber, celery, spinach, basil, red bell pepper, lemon, ginger
1 quart carrot, celery, romaine, parsley, lime, ginger, green powder, hemp oil
1 quart cucumber, celery, kale, coriander, pear, lime, ginger
1 1/2 quarts alkaline water with green powder


Day 20 :

2 quarts cucumber, celery, kale, coriander, carrots, lime, ginger, green powder
1 1/2 quart cucumber, celery, tomatoes, alfalfa sprouts, basil, lemon, ginger, hemp oil
1 1/2 quarts alkaline water with green powder


Day 18 was about cravings, specially for an avocado, mixed greens, tahini and sun dried tomato salad, I wanted it so badly that I could almost taste it! I wasn't the only one having cravings this day either, thanks for the company, Jack, Jill and Carrie, guess we were all dreaming similar dreams ;-)
I had an extra quart of water with green powder and a cup of peppermint tea - and that helped, even though it kept me up and about all night long..........

Day 19 was spent working on my website - its wonderful to have a new project for the future - to plan and work again, to have deep certitudes about what I want and what my intentions are - to lay the foundations and to start building brick by brick - right now its only my first steps - but I'm amazed at the clarity and strength of the multimillion ideas and options, insights and strategies that are flowing in........
It is so so exciting and it feels so so good......I'm flying bright and I'm flying high!

Day 20 :

Today I woke up with a clear idea of how long this juice feast is going to last for me - 60 days :-)
Actually I leave for India on the 60th day in the evening, so it suits me just fine!
I'll take my Vita-mix to India instead of the Jack Lalane, this way I can transition easily with blended raw soups over there, then add salads and other light foods slowly, along with the juices......
I have been on 60 to 80 % green juices for almost 3 months now (except for the 10 day juice feast in Dec, that was 100%).....
and this has become a way of life for me......
I will simply continue getting at least 60 % of my nutrient needs from Juices in India - same as I did during my trip to France over the christmas holidays......

So 40 days more of surprising gifts, unexpected experiences, incredible ups and and quite bearable downs,  of light and glow and shine, of inner growth and outer evolution, of sharing with the best ever juice feasting companions, of learning and healing and getting richer, wealthier, abundant....... what more can one ask for?

Thank you David and Katrina, for bringing into my life all that I had only imagined before, for helping to transform my world,  so much that these days I can only marvel and gaze with awe at the shifting landscape, feeling full with love and light.........
Bless you both.......



Saturday, 19 January 2008

Random Ramblings on this Journey - 2



this restlessness that invades me inside out and makes me feel i am waiting for a storm brewing, far and yet so close, i can feel drops of water caressing my face and the freshness of the breeze blowing across my heart, i don't know where it will take me, this force 9, but i do know that i don't know and perhaps that is a beginning......


i want to lie and and rest my face on the wet green grass and feel the dew drops rolling from the branches above on my skin, the earth that is ocean and sky at the same time enveloping me in its arms.......
i write and let my fingers fly, the story will take shape and form one day....
who knows what will be discovered or where these words will lead, what door will open and what treasures it will reveal......
I feel like an adventurer, exploring the landscape of my soul.....


there is something beautiful in following the thread of words and holding trust inside as to their destination,
not knowing has got power of its own.....


some new energy is taking birth, i can feel it coming in soft waves, trying to reach ashore, but not there yet......
there is so much happening and yet nothing happens at all,
am i living my life or is life living itself through me, words writing themselves and love loving itself.......
i hear the music within, a rythym, a melody, a voice that hums and sings the song of One Taste,
i follow.....unable to resist......


who knows, one day my perception will change, the universe will look different from what i think i know,
and like a child i might discover with awe and marvel the place i call my own........


sitting here i wonder if there is anything that lacks, what are we searching for when there is nothing missing......
there is nothing to get and nowhere to get it, we can't have it, nor can we know it.....
we are it, we have always been it........
the always already present.......

 

Friday, 18 January 2008

Random Ramblings on this Journey - 1


 
who knows what comes first, its up and then down, inside and then out, there are no linear lines here, just waves and streams of consciousness playing - and however hard we try to understand or control the experience, trying to make it fit into the structure of our mental comprehension - the mystery remains.........


pain and joy, i've never experienced either as intensely as now, and yet eventually all that remains is a taste, both empty and full, nothing more, nothing less......


it hurts to be penetrated to the core by someone who knows you and to accept what they say!
and yet, what a gift of grace, having people in your life who care enough to not play games with you........


all of life is only remembering what i have forgotten, the same few pointers given so generously, remembering them over and over again, rediscovering their truth, within, without, once, twice, how many times?!
its more like a spiral dance, circular and yet never the same point repeated, its always new, never the same remembering, never the same experience........or perhaps the remembering of the same truth, but in its many different facets, experienced differently every time??


our language has no capacity to hold a paradox, to contain apparent contradictions while revealing that there aren't any!


being unable to feel is not a sign of progress or evolution, it is a pathology......
a disconnection, not transcendence !


i can imagine a group of women under a dark sky, singing what they have done during the day and dancing their feelings into the ground......
i shall allow myself to enter their world and make it mine, hear their songs and dance with them, wild, uninhabited, raw, naked, vulnerable and yet so intense, powerful and filled with the force that living life in totality gives......where nothing is resisted, there is no turning away, only a "yes" that comes honestly, burning from deep down in the soul, where the heart is open to seasons that come and go......and life leaves its marks on the faces.....and hands, feet, eyes, hips move to the music of a maker, within and without....... and the drums beat on, telling their ancient stories......
and yet it all happens in this present moment, right here, right now........


i look in the mirror and melt with a stroke of compassion, for all the moments i turned away from myself, when my eyes expressed disgust, my mouth revulsion......
who stares back at me now?  
my Original face.......


i am both yin and yang and i'm moving towards balance, an all inclusive point that is not this "or" that......
it is this "and" that.....



Thursday, 17 January 2008

JF Day 17 pm

Day 17 :

1 1/2 quart cucumber, celery, carrots, spinach, coriander, lemon, ginger, green powder
1 quart celery, carrot, pear, lemon, ginger
1 quart cucumber, celery, kale, parsley, tomatoes, red bell pepper, lime
1 1/2 quart alkaline water with green powder


This crazy day is finally over......

Colonics made the difference - some yeast, a good amount of mucous (lungs clearing, still a way to go, I can feel more mucous coming up when I cough) and a huge huge amount of metabolic wastes......
Quite a lot of letting go........
And what made a difference to the colonics were the enemas - they took the pressure off and actually gave me a better session of colonics......

Vertigo is better too - A friend suggested I keep off E3 live for a few days, as my body was rejecting it lately - so that is what I'm going to do........thanks Fatma.

I haven't exercised at all for the last couple of days - I can feel the difference, my body is missing the movement - but I shall wait and see if the vertigo has departed tomorrow and then begin rebounding and yoga again.....

Off to bed early tonight, tired......




JF Day 16 & 17, Vertigo, Giggles.....


Day 16 :

1 1/2 quart of cucumber, celery, tomato, basil, red bell pepper, kale, lemon, ginger, hemp oil
1 quart of cucumber, celery, carrots, parsley, spinach, lemon, ginger, green powder
1 1/2 quart of alkaline water with green powder


Day 17 : am

1 1/2 quart of cucumber, celery, carrots, spinach, coriander, lemon, ginger, green powder


I had been feeling nauseated for the last couple of days, yesterday I couldn't even finish my juice, then realized it was the E3 live I had been adding in there that my body was rejecting. So I'm going to go back to taking it straight and then drinking lots of water after, that suited me much better.

Major vertigo going on here. It began last night in bed. I closed my eyes and wow - not nice at all !! 
Not much sleep, woke up very early. Another bout of vertigo in bed when I closed my eyes. So strong and intense. I don't like vertigo of this force at all, its painful!!!
This reminds me of when I was pregnant and in bed for 9 months, I don't remember which month it was, the third I think, but I had these same kind of vertigo sessions in bed then, almost everyday.....
Maybe my body is detoxing something from that period, maybe my hormonal imbalance is being healed, who knows?

And then this morning, when I got out of bed, I couldn't even feel my body, it was so light, so light, it was not there, no body, I was only a floating consciousness.....it was so wierd, I got a fit of giggles and had to go sit on the couch for a while, do deep breathing and ground myself.......

Didn't work, me thinks.......

Walking to the kitchen, I walked into the door, couldn't even walk straight, couldn't get the veggies out of the fridge, my hands couldn't reach their target, they went beside it.....
The mind was silent, non-existent......and the body had forgotten "how".......
It was so slow, so slow......took ages.....to make my juice this morning, 
Its like as if my body didn't know anymore how to do the every day gestures, it had no memory at all, it had been wiped clean, I felt like a baby just born, quite stupid and completely clumsy, like I don't know how to do the simplest things and have to learn all over again......

In bed, drinking my juice and writing this, managing very well except for a light buzzz feeling in my head, around my head and a slower speed typing, many mistakes to correct.........

Wondering, just how deeply and to what extent is my body falling apart to come together and heal again? I find it so fascinating.......and I trust my body completely......I feel awe for it and how it is healing every day, more and more......
I know with deep certitude, that the nodule in my thyroid is not going to get cancerous, it is disappearing, that my heart is beating in a more regular beat now and is not going to have a second attack, my muscles and tissues are not going to hurt and ache anymore, no more fibromyalgia, I'm not going to have any more kidney stones or bladder infections, no more unbearable migraines nor rocking in the night crying with ulcer pains.......

And yet, my body is still healing, still needs some time, and I'm perfectly alright with that, waiting does not bother me anymore.....

Ha, did I just say that - oh la la how I've changed - I used to be the kind who said "God, please give me the gift of patience, but DAMMIT, HURRY UP" 

I've done a huge amount of work on myself on all other levels over many years, so there's not much detox happening on the emotional or mental or existential side - but I was disconnected with the body for years so for me, detox is mainly happening on the physical level now, there's so much I have to let go.......
I guess, during this juice feast, each one of us is going through our own detox, our own difficulties, our own pains......in french we say - we all carry our own different casseroles.......

No idea what the rest of the day will bring, I have to go for a colonics session with Julia later - I hope my body will remember the way and I don't land up at her neighbours instead ! lol
Was that funny? Surely not, but I've got a fit of giggles so strong, tears are streaming down my face.......

I'm going nuts! and loving it :-)



Wednesday, 16 January 2008

Scribbles from my journal - 9



A sunlit memory emerges
when all else seems lost.
A ray of light awakens 
an aspiration to transcend.
A seed blossoms into a flower
A caterpillar becomes 
a butterfly.
And I work to recover my Sun.......


My thoughts like autumn leaves
fall away from me,
and I stand like a barren tree
empty of what has been,
facing what will be.
A change of seasons galore...........


A presence felt
a soft touch experienced
by an invisible hand,
soothing.
Mirages disappear.
Expectations melt.
An oasis blooms within.
One journey is over.
Another begins...............


Surrender,
For eternity
or just a moment without time.
A point that simply exists
without width, without depth.
Occupying no space.....
Contradiction,
or just a different dimension.
With a perception beyond sight
an intensity beyond expression
consciousness beyond reality.....
Wisdom,
or just a knowing from the heart.
An existence without illusions.
Acceptance without conflicts......
Life lived
without the "was"
without the "will"
Surrender, total abandon
to the "is"..........



JF Day 15, Vivid dreams, Cold.......


Day 15 :

2 quarts cucumber, celery, spinach, red bell pepper, fennel, parsley, lime, ginger
1 1/2 quarts celery, carrot, kale, romaine, basil, lemon, ginger, green powder, hemp oil
1 1/2 quart alkaline water with green powder


Woke up very early today, with vivid lucid dreams. And acute awareness of my body, on the cellular level.

A quiet day, just juicing, writing, a couple of consultations with clients in France, coaching them on the phone.

It was pouring and I went out for a walk in the evening, not a brilliant idea. I was drenched by the time I got back and felt very cold. Peppermint and ginger tea helped but I got the shivers during enema. 
I haven't had coconut butter at all during this feast and raw honey just once in my tea. After the enema, I felt like I needed it to warm me up - so had a teaspoon of butter with honey, which was delicious, and then got into bed to do a session of jinshin jyutsu. 

My clothes feel loose on me, I could slip on my pants today without unzipping them, so I guess I have lost some weight......
Its great to feel my bones again :-)


Tuesday, 15 January 2008

Honey in the Rocks, Integral Impact



On every level, there are Core practices or experiences that not only make a huge difference on that particular level, but also have the maximum Impact on all other levels.

For example :

Spiritual level - Meditation, Experiencing One Taste / Being in the Here and Now

Mental level - Witnessing practice / Mindfulness

Emotional level - Dis-identification / Centering, Deep Breathing

Physical level - Juice Feasting, Prana rich nutrients / Cellular consciousness / Deepening, amplification of the existing


How much one is impacted, the extent of the Impact, depends on two things ;

* That the practice or experience does not remain only a one night stand, but becomes a stable committed ongoing relationship, and
* The degree of suppleness, openness and acceptance in a person.

Both these aspects (in fact, all levels, all aspects) are inter-related and inter-dependant, one leads to the other and vice versa, increasing Integral Impact.


Our cells, every cell, a Cell - holds the blueprint of our entire being. It is a hologram.
It is like the seed of the tree from which the tree emerges, so it contains all the information bits of our selves. Everything that already Exists on all levels, not only what has been experienced or developed but also what exists as potential - our thoughts, ideas, feelings, experiences, memories, abilities, skills, imagination, dreams and desires, aspirations etc.

The ancient Indian texts - the Vedas - talk about "the light in the cave" and "the honey in the rock" (Sri Aurobindo explains it very well in his books).
They mean that in the densest of all levels, the body, the cave, the cell - there is a Light that will take us to the next step of our evolution.

When one cell is impacted, one individual, one person - there is a ripple effect - leading to more and more cells changing, more and more people and finally the whole world.
Thus "Be the change you want to see" makes perfect sense.

Green Juices are prana rich, nutrient dense nourishment.
They are the key, the trigger to bring our cells alive, spread their Light and manifest the inherent potential within.
When Green Juices enter our cells, they awaken and deepen, enrich and amplify the already existing information bits that our cells contain.

Awakening and amplification of existing constrictions, blockages and identifications on all levels - Detox and the letting go of the Old World.
Awakening and amplification of existing openings, developed abilities and aspiring potential - Blessings and the beginning of the New World.

How does this unfold within the process of Juice feasting ?

A couple of examples from each level :

* Spiritual Level :
It is possible to step out of the circle, stop turning around our self (as David Rainoshek says, ego-centric to world-centric) and be connected to our environment, universe, other people in a deep and meaningful way. To experience One Taste.
Sometimes, hopelessness, intense sadness and pain, can pierce our hearts, for our own suffering and the suffering in the world. Spiritual Detox. When you let go of this, then a deep compassion arises, perhaps with an intention of helping and doing what is possible to alleviate this suffering.
Authenticity becomes the key word.

* Mental Level :
The mind can become a monkey at times, moving from branch to branch, muttering and chattering, going around in circles, too many thoughts invading and disturbing, causing doubt and confusion. Mental Detox. This passes, specially if you practice stillness and become a mirror, simply witnessing the thoughts, without getting involved or resisting.
You have thoughts. You are not your thoughts.
Your thinking processes can become crystal clear, focused and rapid. You don't even need to think, you act.  
Geometry and Architecture. New Visions, New Understanding, Beyond Mind. Big Mind. Intuition.

* Emotional level :
This is a tough one because we can get so identified with our emotions. We no longer have anger, the anger has us. As this is the level closest to the physical, it can really get stirred up, and old memories and patterns can surface, causing major distress and emotional pain. Emotional Detox. 
What can really help here is - doing Centering practice or Letting go through Deep Breathing or then the same exercise as on the mental level, which is brilliant for dis-identification - become a Mirror, simply observe, not resisting or getting involved. You have emotions. You are not your emotions.
What can flow into your lives is huge doses of joy, contentment, gratitude, other feelings that elevate you and help you form a new constructive relationship with your E-motions. This does not mean that you never experience anger, sadness or frustration again, but you learn to let it go through you, to pass by like clouds in the sky, without compulsively reacting.
Emotional Intelligence. Emotional Resonance. Energy-in-Motion.

*Physical level :
This is the level where detox is familiar. The organs flushing out toxins, symptoms showing up every other day, the letting go of what is not needed, what is destructive and damaging to hold within.
The body begins to heal and recovers its plasticity, recognizes its Original face, it starts functioning on Optimum levels, naturally. 
Words like dis-ease and incurable fade. Aches and pains become a thing of the past. Vibrant, Dynamic, Energy-in-Action becomes the State of Being.


If we continue to practice and nourish ourselves on all levels,
and
if we include more Greens and prana-rich foods in our lives (with lightness, no rigidity, no percentages, no judgement, just what feels right to us, individually) 
and 
if we develop suppleness and openness (practicing Trust and Active Acceptance, realizing that What you resist, persists), 
and
thus increase our capacity to receive the new energy that flows in and be Integrally Impacted by it.....

 Our Being, our life and our world is transformed, forever.



Monday, 14 January 2008

JF day 14, What next, Thank you........

Day 14 :

1 1/2 quarts cucumber, celery, tomato, kale, basil, lemon, ginger, green powder
2 quarts cucumber, celery, carrots, coriander, lime, ginger, hemp oil
2 quarts alkaline water with green powder
peppermint tea

I woke up this morning feeling tired, with a headache and with spots on my face.....and last night, I had strong nausea during the enema, drinking ginger tea later helped.....
I'm having more green juice, taking more supplements, doing regular enemas  for the last few days- so its getting more intense too - and my body is beginning to clean out once again, third time in three months - How fantastic is that :-)

I slept three hours in the afternoon, haven't done any exercise today, I'm just taking it slow for a couple of days, giving my body time to heal on a deeper level......

I love how juice feasting is a process with every day bringing something new, something different - its never ever boring!! 
I'm enjoying the ups and the down, the valleys and the peaks, the glimpses of another world, the openings into another reality - rubbing my hands in glee, saying "What next?"

I don't think I've ever felt so much energy, enthusiasm and excitement in my whole life - this is such a blessing, and my heart is pierced with overwhelming gratitude every day......

And the love, support, encouragement, kindness from all of you - works hand in hand with the juicy greens......to heal and bring me to myself, so beautifully.......

Thank you.......



Sunday, 13 January 2008

JF Day 12 & 13, Spice Land, Homesick.......



Day 12 :

2 quarts cucumber, celery, tomato, kale, lemon, ginger, green powder
1 1/2 quart celery, spinach, red bell pepper, parsley, lime, hemp oil
2 quarts alkaline water with green powder


Day 13 :

2 quarts cucumber, celery, carrots, basil, spinach, lime, ginger, green powder
1 1/2 quart cucumber, celery, coriander, tomato, bok choy, lemon, ginger
2 quarts alkaline water with green powder


Lovely weekend, so lovely to see my daughter who was home for two days from Lille, where she is studying in a boarding school.
She spent her christmas holidays visiting Kerala and came back with divine spices for me from Spiceland.
Cardamom pods, Cinnamon sticks, black pepper, Star aniseed, Cumin, Cloves, Nutmeg, Turmeric.......also some sandalwood soap and rosewood incense.

I held each packet to my face and the smells transported me to India. Ended up feeling pretty nostalgic, thus the scribble from my journal last night about wet warm Indian days.......
I'm so looking forward to my trip back there in March.....

I'm going to make some spicy ginger chai before I head off to Dreamland......ciao for niao :-)




Scribble from my journal - 8

warm and wet memory lanes call out and i remember........


i remember how the water tasted cool and fresh, it was like dipping in the ganges on that hot and humid day in april, when the priests chanted mantras on marble steps, the fire smoking gently over their faces and crackling heat came in waves towards those around, the gods and goddesses walked out of their stone bodies and whispered love in my ears, i felt grace pouring over me like saffron honey........

i remember when it rained seven days in a row, day and night, without stopping, a deluge, it felt as though the sky would never close up and the sun would never shine again, as if the whole earth would be swallowed up in thick moist curtains, the raincoats in red pink blues, the umbrellas that flew away with the wind, endless cups of ginger chai under orange blankets from rajasthan, oh the warm wetness of it all i loved, the monsoons in india......

i remember when spirit danced through my heart and nani, my grandmother, made amrit, the nectar of the gods for me, mixing almond milk and water, stirring golden pieces of jaggery, a few mint leaves, draining the glass to the last drop in her cosy soft arms, blissfilled, one with krishna........

i remember feeling sticky and lazy under the sun, steaming in the afternoon heat, how we perspired and burned, longing for the coolness of the sea breeze and how still it was, not a leaf moved, stretching out on white cotton sheets, drinking glass after glass of rose and lemon water, stroking our faces with ice cubes and our bodies with dreams of places covered in snow.........

Saturday, 12 January 2008

JF Day 11, Compassion, Flow Circle.......

Day 11 :

2 quarts cucumber, celery, spinach, tomato, lemon, ginger
1 1/2 quarts cucumber, celery, basil, carrot, kale, lime, ginger, hemp oil
2 quarts alkaline water with green powder

I can't do a single day without dry skin brushing now - I think, after Juicing, it is the best thing I learnt to do for myself.
And then the hot/cold shower treatment is great too - what a fantastic stimulant - I step out of the shower feeling so energetic and refreshed, after skin brushing this is the next best thing I've added to my life.
As for tongue scraping - this is something I've grown up with - it has always been my morning routine, right after brushing my teeth. In India, every corner shop stocks stainless steel tongue scrapers, and here in London they are so easy to find in the Indian areas - you can get a bunch of them for next to nothing.......

Today, I had to visit some folks and I watched them stuff their face with burgers, nuggets, fries, ice creams and huge amounts of coke - straight from MacDo land......the smell was terrible!
Nauseating is an understatement.......
Well, I've had this kind of food in the past, and maybe someone watched me from across then and wanted to throw up too!! Maybe this someone felt compassion for me and sent me a wave of new energy and awareness, planting a seed that sprouted later and helped me give up that kind of food ?

I came home exhausted though, and realized how tough it must be for those who are juice feasting and who work or live in places where they have to deal with people eating all kinds of unhealthy food, cope with smells of the old world all the time, help people who are in difficult situations and hard to impact.......
Hugs to Jack, Kalequeen, Terilynn and anyone else who needs them..........

Bathing our bodies in green juices, injecting our cells with nutrient dense liquids, feeding our souls with spiritual foods - is definitely changing us, as does any work we consciously do on ourselves on any level......
It is bringing in new insights, new perceptions and making a difference to our way of being, both inside and out......
Sometimes the effect is subtle, sometimes more powerful.....
We can only open ourselves and be receptive to what is flowing in......and let what is emerging emerge, gently, no push no pull, simply.....

And what is flowing in.....will flow through......and then flow out........to reach and touch others.....it is inevitable.....flow flows in a circle........it is what it does.......in its own way, in its own time, sometimes with subtlety, sometimes with power, but simply too, exactly as it should..........


Thursday, 10 January 2008

JF Day 10, Only Greens, Dance of Becoming......

Day 10 :

2 quarts cucumber, celery, kale, spinach, basil, pear, lemon, ginger
1 1/2 quarts cucumber, celery, spinach, coriander, tomato, lemon, hemp oil
2 quarts alkaline water with green powder

I realized today that I do better on juices without any fruits at all - the quality of the energy coming through with fruit-free green juices is somehow different to me - it is deeper, more subtle, refined, electric, yet very stable and steady......

Forgot to add liquid B12 to my supplement list the other day, and I also forgot to take it these last few days, back on it now.
I received the liquid zeolite, Pure Synergy, Nature's Biotics and frozen E3 live, all of it today......
So, really looking forward to green juices and new supplements from tomorrow :-)

Earlier today, I was reading once more one of my favorite books called "The Dance of Becoming" by Stuart Heller. 
I'd like to share some words from the book, they really resonated  for me, with the juice feasting process.......


"Do without doing.
Care without caring.
Let that which is ready to emerge emerge"

"Bones change more slowly than muscles.
The muscles of organs change more slowly
 than the muscles of purposeful action.
I can change my mind in a moment, 
but my heart clings to memories of 
how things have been.
I want the change that changes the whole

"Upon the lower, the higher is built.
Upon the earlier, the later is placed.
While the old remains, the new cannot enter.
To learn is only the beginning.
To understand, I must forget what I know
and look again with naked eyes"

"As you believe, so you behave.
As you behave, so you become.
As you become, so becomes your world"





Scribble from my journal - 7



the storm has passed, there is calm and serenity once more.....
waves crash on the surface, blue, grey 
and salty, while deep down in the profound waters
of the ocean within, there is a soul that surrenders
and floats in gratitude, knowing that sometime soon,
perhaps it will find itself in turbulent tempests
again, and yet, it will not matter, for what is will remain,
indestructible, unborn and undying, eternal, beyond the
coming and the going, the making and the unmaking
of lakes, rivers, ponds, streams, and the moon will
reflect in still waters, under a star filled night....................



Wednesday, 9 January 2008

JF Day 9, Isolation, New Vision

Day 9 :

1 1/2 quarts cucumber, celery, kale, pear, coriander, lime, ginger, green powder
2 quarts cucumber, celery, spinach, parsley, red bell pepper, ginger, hemp oil
2 quart alkaline water 

I stopped working at the end of September. It had become essential to focus on dealing with and healing some serious health challenges. 
Its been an awesome amazing incredible journey and I feel well and so good today, better than ever before. Healing has happened on all levels. Deeply.
There's so much energy flowing in, each day brings something special, a generous gift in its arms. 

The change has been radical in more ways than one. 
I've always been very active, inspite of so many pains and physical problems, I just kept on going. Maybe I didn't know how to stop before. 
Taking time for myself, to take care of myself, was so new. And I've loved every moment of it.

Now the work I used to do seems so far away, a part of another lifetime.
And yet, today for the first time, being at home, I felt a little lonely, nostalgic about work and clients, felt a little cut off, isolated, missed the buzz. 

Ah, this too shall pass...........

Its time for new dreams, new visions, new goals........




Tuesday, 8 January 2008

JF Day 8, Lung Sadness, Salad Craving......

Day 8 :

1 quart cucumber, celery, spinach, tomato, red bell pepper, ginger, lemon, green powder
1 1/2 quart of the same with hemp oil
1 1/2 quart alkaline water with green powder
1 quart cucumber, celery, kale, coriander, pear, lime, ginger

I'm drinking this last quart of juice as I write - I think its one of the best I've had as yet, it is light, slightly sweet, I feel I can taste the coriander, ginger, lime, greens, all of it individually too.....and it smells like heaven.....
I love this juice :-)

I bought some bee pollen and tried it this afternoon - and 15 minutes later - bad tummy ache, coughing, sore throat and headache - I wonder what this is all about, maybe I have an allergic reaction to bee pollen? 
I'm fine now so whatever it was is out of my system.....

And then I had a colonic session in the evening......
Five minutes into it and something very strange happened. I told Julia that I could taste sadness in my mouth. Then I had waves of sadness washing over me, old sadness from old days......
Surprisingly I was able to simply observe and witness these waves without resisting them or getting involved with them....
Julia told me that this time I was cleansing my lungs (not surprising with the detox cough and cold I've had) and lungs corresponded to sadness. 
I was letting go of a huge amount of rock hard very dark very ancient matter. She asked me to breathe long and deep, visualize my lungs filling up with clean air and let go of the rest.....
It was painful as the matter was like concrete and I got cramps, but the breathing helped enormously.......
We had to stop earlier than usual because it was so intense with too much pressure. I felt clearly that this was not over yet, so I'm going back for another session the day after on Thursday evening.
Its amazing and quite incredible that after 15 sessions in 3 months, I still have so much to let go......

When I came back home, Trevor was making a beautiful healthy salad for himself, with gorgeous greens, different kinds of herbs, avocado, mediterranean veggies, cherry tomatoes, olive oil and lemon dressing.......ohhhhhhh
I got such a craving for it, I yearned, longed, ached for it........then went into the kitchen to make this yumptious juice for myself.....

At least the craving was for a great salad and not a pizza!!! 
Thank God for small mercies :-)



Integral Presence - The Essence of Leadership



Some people shine and radiate when they walk into a room. They are completely at ease with themselves, in their bodies and in the situation, wherever they are and with who ever they are. These people are grounded and centered.
They have Integral Presence.

Having Integral Presence means being coherent and congruent. It implies that the mind and the body, the head and the heart, your thoughts and your feelings are in harmony and function as one unit. When you communicate, the content does not contradict your body posture, your gestures, the tonality of your voice or the energy you give out.

In other words - you have to walk your talk - to be a true Leader, you have to demonstrate all the time, and the way you talk, walk and hold your space matters enormously. 

Leadership is not reserved for a few charismatic men or women. It is not about the position you hold or the job you do, however important it may be. It is not a rigid ensemble of fixed personality traits. It is not about occupying the top floors of a building or driving the best car around town. It is not a gene you are born with or something mystical and out of reach.

It is a process of observing and learning a set of practices, skills and abilities that are useful wherever you are and whatever you might be doing. Becoming a Leader means aligning "what" you do and "how" you do with "who"you are.

It means being Integrally Present with all of you, body, mind and spirit - being totally and fully present in the Here and Now.


Monday, 7 January 2008

JF Day 7, Enema, Supplements, Scribble from my journal - 6

Day 7 :

1 quart cucumber, celery, spinach, tomato, parsley, lemon, ginger, green powder
2 quarts celery, kale, coriander, carrot, lime, ginger, hemp oil
1/2 quart cucumber, celery, romaine, parsley, apple
2 quarts alkaline water with green powder

For the past three months, I've been doing colonics once, sometimes twice a week + I take a French herbal intestinal supplement which works very well - so I didn't feel the need for an enema even though I had bought the kit ages ago.....
Then last night, I was feeling bloated and full and finally did my first enema......
It was easy and I felt much better after. I'll definitely do it again as and when needed. But I have a colonic session tomorrow and that will be great......

Daily Supplements :

MSM capsules with lemon water 
Vitalzym
Robert Young's Supergreen powder
Triphala ( Cascara doesn't suit me, find it too aggressive, my body doesn't like psyllium and bentonite shake either)
Axarola ( French herbal intestinal formula)
Biokult (probiotics recommended by my colonic therapist)


I've ordered - liquid zeolite, frozen wheatgrass shots, Pure synergy, Nature's Biotics and E3 live and I should have them all this week.
With these new supplements and my intention for the coming days, which is to up my juice intake to 4 quarts daily ( something I haven't managed to do, not even during the 10 day feast last month) - this Juice Feasting is certainly going to get high intensity, it will be interesting to find out what difference it makes to my energy and how it impacts other levels too......

Here's a scribble from my journal once more.......

there is no linear thinking, no thoughts that walk from
one point to another following a straight path.....
there are only circles, roundness and soft caresses,
i come back again and again to a place familiar
and yet unseen, inexperienced, unexplored.....
every moment tastes like dew drops in the early morning,
born anew, sincere, here and now
just this.......
night falls gently and a candle burns within,
my breath comes and goes holding hands
with gratitude.....
tomorrow who knows, the wind 
might blow another way, those flowers picked
and offered with love might sigh and die,
my feet might feel lighter walking to town,
the familiar stranger who crosses my path 
might suddenly smile, 
who knows.........


Sunday, 6 January 2008

JF Day 5 & 6, The Vanishing list, Speak out Loud


Day 5 :

2 quarts of cuke, celery, spinach, tomato, lemon, ginger, green powder
1 quart of cuke, celery, kale, tomato, coriander, lemon, hemp oil
2 quarts of alkaline water with green powder
1/2 quart of carrot, pear, lime, ginger

This last juice was bought at a juice bar in town as I was out shopping, it was fresh and made right there before me - but I couldn't finish it, it made me dizzy, it was so sweet......and it confirmed my need for greens in every juice!

Day 6 :

2 quart of cuke, celery, kale, basil, tomato, lemon, ginger ( Trevor made this for me, it was ready before I woke up, a very tasty, light green, refreshing morning juice, simply perfect and he's a sweetheart:-)
1 quart of celery, spinach, apple, ginger, hemp oil
2 quarts of alkaline water with green powder

My chest pains and cough are much much better, still coughing some but its definitely on its way out......Thank you so much for wishing me well and sending me super energy and lovely thoughts of healing and recovery......

I'm amazed that even with the detox and infection etc, my energy levels remain high, in fact I have so much energy, more than I've ever had in my life!

Sometimes it feels almost surrealistic, like a dream........
Is this really me? running to catch buses - rebounding, stretching, dancing at 11 pm - walking up and down mountain lanes and climbing a zillion steps without tiring ??
What happened to Anaemia and chronic fatigue? to years of suffering from Fibromylgia, great, I can't even spell it anymore, who cares? 
Where did all the pains, the searing, fierce, intense, painful pains go?
Where is the burning ulcer in the stomach? What happened to a spasm prone heart heading towards a second attack?? What happened to the stone in the kidney?
Where is the dangerous nodule in the thyroid? 
I could continue, the list is long........but hey........
There is no list anymore.......

It took one moment of consciousness and only three months of acting with that consciousness..... for the list to vanish into the blue........
It took one step, of reaching out to receive...... and all the help, support, information, generosity and grace came pouring in.......

Now its hard for me to stop smiling and even harder for me to shut up :-)

I want to speak out loud, I want to holler, to wave my arms, to call your name, to grab your attention.......
I can speak in whispers, touch you gently, caress your face and hold you in my arms too.......
I will do whatever it takes - for you to know that it is possible, it is possible......to create a new world, to become free of pain and dis-ease, to feel light filling up your cells and to heal.......

And if you already know this is possible, then please speak out in your own way......
The world needs to know too, more than ever, today........



Saturday, 5 January 2008

JF Day 4, Green Bliss, Juicing in India

Day 4 :

1 quart lemon water with MSM ( I take MSM in capsule form, suits me just fine)
1 quart cucumber, celery, tomato, watercress, coriander, lemon, cayenne (strong and spicy)
1 quart celery, spinach, ginger, pear, lemon, hemp oil
1 quart same as above
1 quart alkaline water with green powder
2 cups of ginger and spice tea with raw honey

I spent most of the day resting and relaxing in bed and doing jinshin jyustsu.....
Just a quick trip to the local health shop in the morning to get some oils, herbs and supplements recommended by my friend Fatma, to help heal my cough and chest infection.....
Thanks mille fois Fatma, 24 hours later and the cough has almost disappeared, the chest pain is fading away too......

I'm doing much better with sugar now, my body is less acidic and a lot more alkaline than it used to be, so I've begun adding half an apple or a pear to some of my juices. I won't do only fruit juices, that still feels too sugary and acidic to me right now.....
And somehow I have this need for all my juices to be various shades and tints of the color green, I'm so in love with my greens - cutting up the cukes, celery, oh spinach and kale, basil and coriander, romaine and parsley, just making my green juice puts me in a state of bliss, of ecstasy......
Crazy yes :-)

I'm using my Vitamix and nut milk bag, its very practical and easy to use. But I've ordered a Jack Lalane juicer to take with me to India, as its smaller and cheaper than most of the others, easy to carry and I'll leave it there instead of bringing it back with me. 
I booked my tickets to India, I'm leaving on the 1st of March for three weeks. 

I was born and brought up in India and all my childhood anchors, comfort zones and emotional hot spots connected to food are linked to the place. 
Just a whiff of vegetarian Indian food, surrounded by my family, and my whole body gets fired up......there is a mixture of sweet, soft, sour, sad tastes, a melting that happens deep down and triggers a need to reach out and indulge, stuff my face with this and this, and some more of that........
This is going to be the first time I go to India, since I began eating vegan and live foods, doing green juices and supplements......

Its going to be an interesting experience - being able to say No without struggle and with self observation, being able to say Yes without judgement and with compassion........






Friday, 4 January 2008

Core Values 1 - Basis of Personal & Professional Growth



TRUST
There is trust and complete confidence that the result will be as it should be. The journey will take the time it needs and the process is as important and enriching as arriving at your destination, achieving your objective.
Yet, along with trust there is also a focus on moving forward in a conscious way towards your becoming.


ACCEPTANCE

There is acceptance of things as they are. This attitude helps you to remain grounded in the present reality and build on it.
It leads to freedom from resistance, thus liberating the energy you spend in rejecting what exists, and using it instead to take action and create more meaning, joy and sustainable results in your life.


GRATITUDE

There is gratitude for what you are and what you have. The focus is on what is right and what works, instead of where you fail and what you lack.
It is a radical shift in your way of being and leads to a state of contentment and fullness, wherever you are and whatever you do.


LIGHTNESS

Letting go instead of clinging to what is, learning to hold things gently instead of tightly - brings about a state of lightness that is fundamental to becoming stress-free.
You learn how to relax and know how to remain centered, serene and calm, even in the midst of chaos and difficulties.


SIMPLICITY

Knowing how to let go leads to a "Less is More" approach and you find yourself living with what is essential instead of being surrounded by clutter, on all levels of your being and in all aspects of your life.
Simplicity adds clarity, elegance and effectiveness to thinking. You know how to manage your priorities and have time to do what needs to be done.


LEARNING

If the above values are doors then constant learning is the key to opening all of them. There is no movement without learning.
Being in a constant state of learning gives you a sense of wonder, awe and beauty and brings you the enthusiasm and sparkle needed to shine brightly and dance with/in the Universe.

Core Values 2 - Approach to Business & Marketing



An approach to Business that is based on fundamental Trust in the Universe with a knowing that is stronger than just a belief - the Universe is benevolent, it provides what you need at every single moment, you have your place and so does everyone else - thus Business is conducted in the spirit of collaboration instead of competition. 
There is mutual sharing of information, knowledge and resources with the community.
Trust means there is simply no need to use pushy aggressive tactics in Marketing, no OTT ( over the top) techniques. The clients you need and who need you will come to you. 
So, Marketing is done from a position of ease and authenticity and trust is build with the clients from the very beginning.


An approach to Business that is based on Acceptance, with a knowing that "what is" is exactly how its meant to be at any given moment. 
This is an active acceptance, not a passive acceptance. It is not a fatalistic attitude of shrugging your shoulders and giving up with "This is the way I am, the way things are, what to do?" 
It means that when you are faced with problems, obstacles, when the Business is going through difficulties - you accept - instead of resisting, getting frustrated and angry, then making impulsive decisions.
From acceptance comes the freedom to say " What next? What can be done?" and the ability to go ahead and do it. Active acceptance saves you time and energy and allows you to focus on generating new Business and exploring new Markets for your creativity.


An approach to Business that is based on deep Gratitude for the blessings the Universe bestows on you. It means focusing on all that you already have and functioning from a position of fullness. It means being grateful for constructive criticism and all feedback that comes your way.
Gratitude leads to wealth and abundance consciousness as opposed to operating from a state of poverty consciousness - instead of wanting and running after money, you feel grateful for the abundance that already exists in your life and around you. This gives you the potential to Market in a way that treats you and your Business with respect and not just as a money making machine.


An approach to Business based on Lightness means you can stop clinging to "should" and "must" and "have to" and get creative with options and multiple choices. It helps you to keep things in perspective and not take it all too seriously. Your Business becomes one more domain where you can play and express yourself, realize your potential and manifest your skills. Holding the goals and dreams you have for your Business with Lightness allows you to minimize tension and anxiety and work with joy instead.
Lightness allows you to move towards prospective clients without any heavy baggage. It brings to Marketing materials an undercurrent of relaxed poise.


An approach to Business that is based on Simplicity - is one where words like 'deleting', 'shedding' and 'discarding' become very important and useful. Living life and running a Business with simplicity means constantly asking - if something we use and take for granted is really necessary? It means eliminating any part of any structure that cannot be justified and only adds to its complexity.
Doing Business with simplicity streamlines and refines tasks, processes and systems. It adds value to our lives by taking away what is superfluous and leaving us with all that is essential. In Marketing, it makes communication clear, easy to understand and simple, free of complicated words and jargon.


An approach to Business that is based on continuous Learning - is about knowing that learning happens everywhere and all the time, in any situation and with all kinds of people.
An attitude of learning engenders curiosity about how things function and what makes a strategy succesful. It also gives you the ability to look under surfaces and beyond appearances. In Business, setbacks and mistakes become a golden opportunity for learning what not to do.
Continuous Learning creates enthusiasm and movement, leading to a dynamic working environment and relationships that grow and prosper. Being open to learning keeps you young and excited, aware and alert, on your toes and ready to go.

Thursday, 3 January 2008

JF Day 3, Colonic Therapists, Juice Feasters

My lungs are detoxing in a big way from years of smoking......I slept very badly last night because I couldn't stop coughing, my chest hurt and breathing was difficult!
I bought an old fashioned herbal cough remedy today, so maybe in the next couple of days things will get better.......

The colonics this afternoon was great as usual - towards the end I had a giggling fit, couldn't stop laughing, it just felt so good to get rid of more stuff......I'm always overwhelmed with gratitude after a colonic session.
I feel enormous respect and deep admiration for all those who have chosen to be colonic therapists - they do a hell of a job, their work is so important and valuable......


Day 3 :
1 quart cucumber, celery, tomato, spinach, coriander, lemon, ginger, hemp oil
1 quart celery, kale, carrot, alfalfa sprouts, lemon
1 quart alkaline water with green powder

I haven't had enough juices today, but I'm simply not hungry - I think the coughing has tired me.....so I'm just going to have a cup of ginger tea then go to bed early and do a long session of jinshin jyutsu - hopefully it will heal my lungs some and help me sleep :-)

Before I go, I'd like to say that its awesome how many other people are Juice Feasting right now, its wonderful to read about their experiences and very inspiring, motivating and helpful to be on this journey together.......
Thank God for the internet and blogging, what a boon......


Wednesday, 2 January 2008

JF Day 1 and Day 2

Yesterday was the first day of a New Year, also the first day of another Juice Feasting journey for me.
A few weeks ago, I had gone on a short 10 day sampler of life giving green elixir.....
This time around.....its definitely going to be a longer lasting trip.


There's something magical about drinking your foods.
Nutrient-dense, prana-rich liquids that flow within and spark your cells and pores into life.....
An internal shower cleansing your insides with pure alkalizing waterfall.......


The first couple of days are the most delicious, when the body begins to awaken from its daze, because believe me, even if you are already eating live foods, and are a lot more conscious than most of the others on their Sad or Mad diets - this, feasting on juices, is another ball game altogether!


And the first few days are the build up, the coming together of elements......
The making of a life-changing storm......
The beginning of a quantum paradigm shift so powerful that it will sweep away the old, the inessential, effortlessly......and bring in the new, the "autre chose" - life in a form and texture as yet, unknown.......


Oh Well, I love beginnings and I love journeys, almost all kinds, but Juicy ones the best :-) 


Day 1 :
1 quart of lemon water with msm
2 quart of cucumber, celery, spinach, carrot, lemon, ginger, green powder
1 quart of celery, spinach, apple, lemon, hemp oil
1 quart of alkaline water with green powder
2 cups of nettle, aloe vera, ginger tea


Day 2 :
1 quart of lemon water with msm
2 quart of cucumber, celery, tomato, parsley, kale, lemon, ginger, green powder
1 quart of celery, carrot, spinach, pear, lemon, ginger, hemp oil 
1 quart of alkaline water with green powder
2 cups of ayurvedic ginger and spice tea ( helps my cough and chest pain )