Why, What and What for? ....... Ssshhhhhh

London - Mumbai - Pune - Mumbai - Chennai - Pondicherry - Chennai - Mumbai - Pune - Mumbai - London - Paris - Mumbai - Pune - Mumbai - Pune - Bangalore - Pune - Bangalore - Pune - Mumbai - 

I am in Paris right now and in a few days I will be in London once again.........

After almost three months of constant movement, I am almost back to where I started.......

There are two things I am learning during this experience, this journey to my country and back; - to let go of all attachment to what I want and don't want, my desires, my dreams, my plans....

- to let go of the need to make sense of whatever unfolds, of trying to find meaning in whatever is happening.......

I know it will change again, but for now, this is where I am, where I need to be, learning to let go completely.....

Life is taking Trust, Acceptance and Gratitude to a new level for me now - and sure, it is not easy.......

I cried all day yesterday........felt like I was going through another dark night of the soul - feeling miserable, lost, tired, nothing to hold on to, unable to see ahead - no energy, no excitement, just an emptiness and despair.........

I felt broken.........

I guess sometimes we need to really break, to feel completely lost before something new and beautiful is found again.......

Total Surrender......Total Trust, Acceptance and True Gratitude..........Fully Living in the Here and Now..........

I have not been feeling quite well either these last few weeks, some of my old symptoms are back again - just one more phase of integral healing, all levels, all aspects........

I feel fragile, vulnerable, open, so open, I feel almost raw........and yet, something filled with strength and a force that is soft and sweet and light and lit, seems to be flowing through my being, awakening and brightening, slowly.......

Trevor is in London, setting up our new life there.......

So, it will be a new job for him, a new apartment in a new part of London for us, and who knows, maybe a new work and a new path for me too????

The new life is not waiting out there, the incredible breath-giving new world is not somewhere not reached yet........

It is right here, right now, where I am..........

And I'm dancing again.......

No terms and conditions on joy and happiness, everything is perfectly as it is and it is perfectly as it should be.........

So, London, here I come once again :-)

Scribbles from my journal - 14

this journey of transforming my blood, my body and self - is happening on different levels - letting go of all the muck inside is not only about yeast and fungus.....

it is about old dead emotions and pains, about out-dated and out-grown ways of thinking and feeling too.....

it is about learning to function from a new position and to move with a different energy.....

one skip, one hop at a time, little by little......

it is not just my will or aspiration that leads anywhere......

there is nothing i have to "make" happen, i simply have to "let" it happen and happening it is, always already :-)

i feel from within that i am going to heal, to be whole.....deeply, so deeply.......

there is a quantum shift in the making here, a quantum leap into some place new, some way new and it is very very exciting.....

only glimpses, little windows that open on to the big picture.......

there is a certitude that every step of this journey, of this path is an incredible blessing ......and that it is leading to something so marvelous and breath-giving.....

and there it is waiting for me.......

like layers being peeled off, something new is born and emerges every moment in this process.....

i don't know the what, why, where and when of this that is so beautifully unfolding, moment to moment, softly, gently, strongly.......

all i know is that.......it is the flowing, the moving, and the spiral dancing that matters......

right here, right now.......

Living in the Here and Now :-)

I'm in Bangalore right now and I'm falling in love with this city all over again :-) 

It is so green, the weather is fantastic, the people are warm and beautiful, there are coconut sellers at almost every corner and street and Juice shops in every block - what more can one ask for?

Its been one crazy ride the last few weeks. Nothing works out as imagined, planned, decided - each day brings a surprise, a huge "letting go" which is then followed by new insights, perspectives and awareness........

We have no home at the moment, we don't even know where we will settle down and when.....this is really a period of transition and waiting.......

Its not always easy as the mind is conditioned to a need for security and certainty - so to remain joyful and centered in the midst of insecurity and uncertainty, demands an almost incredible moment to moment practice of total trust and acceptance and a warrior like stance of calm flexibility........

Flowing with whatever life unfolds day to day without becoming attached to what I think I want, or what I feel is right, is very liberating - it has come to the point where when things don't work out as I want - I get even more excited - I rub my hands in glee and say "Ok, not this, then what next?" :-)

I am learning all the time to hold my own thoughts, feelings, wants, desires very lightly.....no holding on tightly, no clinging, no grasping.......

Simply letting go, breathing deeply and smiling, whatever happens or not........

Living life, in the Here and Now........is a very powerful practice.......

I am deeply grateful as I am not alone, Trevor and Saatchi are learning each day the same practice too, and we support each other and mirror Joy for one another.....

A real blessing........

I'm staying at a hotel in Bangalore right now, I don't have my Vitamix with me - I have one small cooked vegan meal a day and the rest of the time it is coconut water, coconut meat, fresh fruits and juices, as well as around 3 to 4 quarts of alkaline water with green powder.....

I haven't had green juices or salads for a week now but that will change soon hopefully......

I'm very surprised that I haven't put on any weight since the end of my juice feast on the 11th of February, in fact, I've lost another couple of pounds......

I've had two colonics in the last month in Pune and I have another scheduled for Friday this week.....

I will write more about this after my next session.........

Tomorrow it is back to Pune for a week - after that, I don't know...... 

I'll let you know when I know......

Till then - much love and warm sunshine.......

xxx

Bangalore - Flaming trees, Juice junctions and Coconut heaps......