Aware, Awaken, Alkalize

I've been reflecting, meditating and focusing
on my health journey, which began 3 years ago.
After months on high raw vegan, 40 days of Juice Feasting
and following an alkaline lifestyle on all levels,
I felt clean, pure, dynamic, healed, connected and transformed.
My live blood analysis showed a radical change - the cells
were glowing and clean and perfectly healthy......
From having less than one year before catastrophe struck,
I moved to a point where I couldn't even smell the slightest
whiff of anything catastrophic :-)

Now, 3 years down the road, my old health challenges are back
along with some new ones too - maybe I am crazy but right now
writing this - I am almost laughing, with a big silly grin on my face.
Sure, it is not funny, it has been painful, irritating, confusing and
has also made me feel low and blue these last few days.....
and yet....somehow, it is funny.......must be - because I can;t stop
grinning and at 5 in the morning right now, I am feeling light
and joyous and filled with laughter - I must be mad!!! :-)

My Doctor in Paris told me a few days ago, looking at all
my test results, that she couldn't understand how I was
walking around and functioning and talking and laughing
and I didn't even look sick really - when with the results
she saw I should be in the hospital or at least bed ridden!!
Yeah sure, in your dreams Doctor!! :-)
And a couple of days ago, some more test results
came out, showing some more stuff - yes stuff happens.....

Well, anyway, enough giggling......right? ;-)
So, I believe I have understood what I have done wrong
in the last couple of years, where I went off track.....
not consciously of course, otherwise I wouldn't
have done it......but sometimes when you are in the picture,
you don't see it clearly, and it takes time to step out,
time or then maybe something to shake you
out of complacency and your inertia......

One thing that I have to let go of completely
is the word and attitude of MODERATION - this word
is a killer for someone like me with serious
health challenges!!!
I had deep conditioning that I have to totally unlearn -
the voice that says, it is alright to eat this time to time,
it is okay to have it once in a while,
and slowly but certainly other thoughts creep in
without you being even aware of it!!! - like - others eat
everything and they are fine, so a little bit
of this won't really harm you - come on, stop being
so rigid,  such a fanatic, you can't give up on everything!!!

ah, the monkey mind LOL
It is truly capable of fooling oneself thoroughly.......

And then, a little bit of this and a little bit of that,
and the body begins to turn Acidic once more - the Alkalinity
flies out the window.....
And acid calls for acid, so everyday becomes one little thing
once in a while......I was still being Moderate, of course!!!
I also did regular Juice feasts and Liquid Feasts and even
Colonics......so I felt I was doing good - yes I was but to heal
deeply from strong labeled health challenges, one has to stick
to the path and stay really really alkaline for yearsssssss......
and alkaline for years might mean alkaline forever, hopefully!

Awareness........Awakening......ALKALIZING
and gratitude flows.........
change is here again.......
transformation calls once more.......

and I feel strong and beautiful and connected, like before....
ready to dance and sing from the core....

Ok, maybe time to stop rambling and go to sleep,
it is almost 6 and I can hear birds chirping outside,
and I am loving life, madly, passionately, intensely :-)))))

I'll be happy......if only......

if only i had this,
if only i had that,
if only he'd said this,
if only she'd not said that,
i wish it was different,
i wish i was elsewhere,
i wish the world was a better place,
i wish everyone would care,
i want sunshine instead of rain,
i want some heat and not cold,
i want my own place in the sun,
i want as i want it to unfold,
i need more than i have now,
i need to travel and explore,
i need to understand and express,
i need to have more and more,
i'll be happy if i get a house
i'll be happy if i get a car,
i'll be happy if i find love,
i'll be happy if i become a star,
if only i was slimmer,
if only i was pretty,
if only i was clever,
if only i was witty,

if only, i wish, i need, i hope,
i want, i yearn, i long, i ache,
i'll be happy.....if only if only,
everything happened my way.....

a serene cloud passing by,
got fed up with my chatter,
gave me a hard rap on my head,
woke me to what mattered......

right here, right now,
what is, just is,
all is perfect,
like this or like this........

nothing to get,
nowhere to be,
to accept this, what is,
that is the only key......

Food, Pain, Spirituality

These last few days have been very hard.
A simple extraction of a wisdom tooth
turned into something very complicated
and needed surgery.
Antibiotics, anti-allergic tablets and strong
painkillers every 2 hours!

This body that is so not used to medication
of this kind - resisted, reacted and rejected!!

Other complications and old health challenges
surfaced and expressed themselves quite
generously......

"Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional"
True - and yet, very tough to remember
when physical pain reaches peaks that
not even the painkillers can accompany!

Juices, smoothies, soups, and then I had to
slow down because Detox in these circumstances,
is so not advisable - only causes more discomfort!

Now it is Juices, smoothies, nut milks, etc
during the day - and then something light
and soft and warm late evenings.....
I can't chew well at the moment, so no salads
or raw foods or nuts etc.....
Just hearty softly chunky vegetable soups,or steamed broccoli/sweet potatoes and
sometimes a few spoons of quinoa or brown rice.

No detox - just quietly healing and recovering,
pain is better now, swelling and discomfort reduced.

I am going to have 1 colonic session a week starting
Monday - need to help clean the system of all those
capsules and pills and tablets I've swallowed.
My body needs all the help it can get......
When I feel stronger and better in a few weeks,
I will do a Juice Feast - a longer one similar to
what I did a couple of years ago (40 days).....

For now, I need to stop focusing on what I put into
my mouth and begin reconnecting on a Spiritual level.
Pain, suffering, health challenges - keep repeating
themselves, heal then return after a while.....
I do not have the answers on why, what, how....
If these challenges still persist, they are here for a reason.
To push me further into transformation, to take me places
I haven't been before.....

There is only gratitude, acceptance, joy and love.....
And a need to reach out and touch the Divine once more.....
So I'll share with you whatever will flow.....
Scribbles for my journal like I did before......

Raw Challenge 21 - Day 10

 

There is a routine that has been set up in the last

three days, one that I'm quite happy with.....

Green juice or green smoothie for breakfast, 

a salad and crackers for lunch,

some fruit, or fruit roll, or a handful of nuts,

or a bar or cookie for a snack and then once again

a Green juice or green smoothie for dinner....

My intake of dehydrated goodies has reduced and 

I am feeling much better eating more fresh foods, 

less of sweets, less of nuts and more savory......

And the liquids for breakfast and dinner are an 

excellent idea too.....I'm happy :-)

  

I made a delicious Vegetable Pilaf yesterday for my lunch
and I ate it with a small avocado/tomato/greens/hemp seeds/
walnuts/raisins Salad + tahini/orange juice Dressing.......

Vegetable Pilaf :

I used whatever vegetables I had in the fridge - carrots,
cauliflower and courgettes - processed them into tiny bits,
quite coarse......added garam masala, cumin powder,
sea salt, orange zest, finely chopped dates, tamarind,
fresh coriander, cashew nuts, olive oil......mixed it all
together and then warmed in the dehydrator for a couple
of hours - allowing all the flavors to blend together......

Oh yes, I also added some carom seeds, in India we call it
ajwain and it is helps to digest raw cauliflower :-)

  

I'm off to Paris tomorrow morning for 6 days
to take care of some health challenges......

I am taking some crackers, fruit rolls, vegetable crisps

and even some cookies - also my Vitamix blender - there is

no way I can do without my green juices and smoothies!!!

I feel very strong, calm and joyful within.......
And deeply grateful......for right here, right now, so precious......

 

Raw Challenge 21 - Day 7

Day 6 :

Green Juice in the morning, then crackers with avocado/tomatoes

and a fruit roll for lunch, marinated warmed broccoli with 

cashew cheese cream for dinner.....

I went through some kind of detox yesterday, slight headache,
body ache, fatigue and a general feeling of restlessness in the
body.......
So it was a quiet day, I spent a lot of it reading, meditating
and resting......just what we need sometimes, especially when
letting go of toxins and healing :-)

Day 7 :

Green smoothie for breakfast, wraps with avocado/cucumber/
red pepper and cashew cheese for lunch, strawberries and banana
with hemp seeds and almond flakes for dessert - and a green juice
for dinner tonight with maybe a cookie or two :-)

The wraps were made using juice pulp along with ground flax seeds
and a couple of spoons of pesto ( basil, pine nuts, garlic, lemon juice)
and they were soft and flexible but too thin - so I had to use two
per wrap......very delicious though :-)

I have bars, cookies and fruit leather in the dehydrator right now,
so who can resist a warm cookie? I've made them with almond,
coconut, hemp seeds, pumpkin and sunflower seeds, a drizzle of
date syrup, raisins and mashed bananas.....

There are also two kinds of fruit leather in the dehydrator now,
one with mango/pineapple/cardamom/cayenne pepper and
the other is bananas/strawberry/nutmeg......one golden yellow
and the other rose pink :-)

It is very interesting to observe oneself when going through
changes, transition or detox....the sensations in the body,
the feelings that come and go, the highs that make you feel
excited and sometimes even a bit hyper, then the flats and the
lows, the mind that becomes sharp and clear and penetrating
one day and then another it is dull and tired and slow....
And one can't take all this very seriously, it is too early in the
process - I am learning once again to watch and witness, to smile
and laugh at myself, to look at my moods and states, and to
simply go with the flow :-)

 

Raw Challenge 21 - Day 5

 

Day 5 :

Green smoothie in the morning with bananas, strawberries,

spinach and romaine lettuce.....yum delicious!

A salad with a a couple of crackers for lunch and a cookie with 

a spoon of homemade hazelnut/cashew cacao butter for dessert.

Some strawberries and lychees for a snack later on.

Tonight I am just having Green Juice for dinner, sipping it

while writing this post :-)

I made these cookies in a way that Trevor could eat them too.

He is diabetic and does not eat any sugars or sweeteners, 

except for stevia.....

A cup of ground almonds, a cup of dried coconut, 2 teaspoons

of hemp seeds, 1/2 teaspoon of green stevia powder, a handful

of sultanas and a cup of blueberries pulsed in a blender till it

half mashed and juicy.........add a drizzle of coconut oil and 

a sprinkle of cayenne pepper then mix it all together.......

Make round cookie shapes from this dough and dehydrate

for a a couple of hours - flip and dehydrate the other side for

another hour or so and the cookies are ready.....

The stevia, sultanas and blueberries were more than enough

to sweeten this cookie and I was very happy to see Trevor 

enjoying them.....he rarely gets a treat of this kind unless 

I make it for him with berries and stevia.......

I am amazed at how quickly serious craving for cooked food
goes away.....there is still the desire that surfaces time to time,
but it is like an old record playing in another room -something
present in the background but that has no power to impact
my present......I feel detached from this old song, but instead
very excited about the new music.....

I only slept for 4 hours last night - I remember that is exactly
what happened two years earlier during my 40 day Juice feast,
and being high raw for a month before and after......
The need for 8 hours of sleep faded away and most nights
4 or 5 hours were more than enough......
I felt hungry in the middle of the night, but surprisingly I was
yearning for fresh strawberries and cucumbers!!! :-)

 

Raw Challenge 21 - Day 4

Mixed Vegetable Masala

Ouff!! Finally Day 4 :-)

I've been waiting for the first 3 days to pass.....I've always found

that those 3 days are crucial, they determine whether a detox

or diet or new way of eating, will continue or not.....

I doubt if I'll be able to blog every single day, but I'll try my best

to do it every second or third day at least. 

Let me give you a quick review of -

Day 1 : 

Green juice in the morning, a salad for lunch 

and then I couldn't stop snacking on bars, cookies and

crackers - well, all of these were in the dehydrator 

the whole night long, perfuming the entire house

and even tempting Trevor - so how was I to resist, 

on my first day??!!! :-)

Day 2 :

Green smoothie in the morning, a couple of bars during the day,

and then a salad with crackers early evening.....

I cooked dinner for Trevor and Saatchi - made a vegetable curry

and gluten free mint and cumin rotis (flatbreads).....
It was tough cooking my favorite foods and not eating any,

but they enjoyed it so much, it was well worth it......

Day 3 :

Green juice in the morning and then I'm sure you can guess

what I made for lunch?? :-) I wanted my Indian meal too!!!

Mixed vegetable masala - fine chopped vegetables marinated with

lemon juice, cumin powder, cardamom, garam masala, dried mint

flakes, dessicated coconut, grated ginger, sea salt, cashew nut paste,

coconut oil, then laid out in a layer on trays and dehydrated
for a couple of hours - mmmm - the smell was divine....

In the evening I had a couple of bars and it was enough.....

The first two days were hard, but surprisingly there was a shift

on Day 3 - I began to feel that it was going to work out after all...

Day 4 : Today

Green smoothie in the morning, a salad (incorporating 

the leftover vegetable masala) in the afternoon and

2 crackers with guacamole tonight, along with two cookies....

Oh well, its a bit later right now, and 2 more cookies :-)

I just made them today and they are yummy!!!!

If there are any left tomorrow, I'll take some pictures for sure!

I'm feeling good today - my skin is glowing, the eyes are clear

and brighter, I have more energy and somehow there seems to

be a huge amount of excitement....a kind of buzzzz....

I think the colonic I had this afternoon has definitely helped
with the detox too......

I'm having more dehydrated food than I'd actually like to - but

maybe that is normal in the first few days and hopefully it will

balance out soon.......

Susan at Rawmazing blogged about her winter Raw Challenge 21

and it is thanks to her that I have begun this challenge too....

I've loved reading through all her posts and her experience has been

a source of deep inspiration and strength for me.....
Thank you Susan, for your authentic writing, beautiful creative recipes
and your generous sharing.....

I am not 100% raw - there are certain Indian spices I use that are
probably roasted,  I try and use organic nuts and seeds, but not
always raw.....and sometimes I also drink hot herbal teas.......

I'm happy about whatever percentage it works out - I'm enjoying
myself and this feels really good for me, just what I need right now.....