integral dynamic

India Journal - 1

2011-03-31T09:05:00.000+01:00

I've been in India since the first week of February now,
in a small town called Coonoor, located in the mountain
range Nilgiris - in the South India.......

Green lush tea estates everywhere, fresh unpolluted mountain air,
groves of eucalyptus trees - I'm addicted to the perfume of these
trees now......this Green everywhere is nourishment for my soul,
I truly and sincerely believe that it is healing me......along with
the smiling beautiful faces all around :-)

I will be staying here for another couple of months - doing my
Yoga and Pranayama every morning, I'm breathing better than ever
before.......I dance everyday too for at least half an hour - I walk
a lot, and a friend zips me around on his motorbike, taking me to
gorgeous out of the world places in these mountains......
I am deeply grateful, happy and very very well here :-)
I don't look sick at all, in fact I look great, I feel great, I eat great
food and I am living every moment, every day to the full!!!!

Here are some pictures of the place and the food I am eating,
sorry for the delay in posting, but I will get regular now to share
with you all a slice of this paradise.....

ME and Ayurveda

2011-01-19T08:44:00.017Z

It has been a while since I've blogged.
Mostly because the last couple of months have been
Crash time. The cycle that continued, the pattern that
repeated itself.
But then, that is the nature of the beast.

ME - myalgic encephylomyelitis.

It has been tough - to follow a cure, a cleanse or diet -
feel better, fly high for a while, feel so beautifully hopeful,
work on oneself, think I have finally understood it all,
letting go and becoming conscious, really truly believing -
this is it, I'm cured, I can get my life back.....
only to crash badly again, even worse than before......

Then to begin once more, always......gathering courage,
gathering the lost and shattered parts of oneself, bringing
it all to the center......and continuing, moving along the
journey once more.......

Reading about other ME stories, getting inspired and moved
by the brave and courageous journeys of others suffering
from this too.....

Going back to my roots, reaching out for what is known,
familiar, old traditions and ancient knowledge - AYURVEDA......

One week of herbal remedies, a couple of oil and herbal
treatments and rice and mung lentil based meals - and it's upwards
and onwards once again :-)
I've slept 7 to 8 hours of beautiful sleep the last two nights,
the pain is reduced and I am beginning to feel the birth of
energy again......

I do not know anything much about Ayurveda but do know
that it treats the whole person, it is a holistic healing tradition -
happily it goes beyond labels and straight to the imbalance
in the body.

I feel better today, after one week, I am no longer bed ridden
and it is wonderful to feel the pain easing......and yet, I've been
here before, so I keep hope and I keep faith and yet, this time
I am not jumping for joy - I guess I am wiser and I know all
about ME a lot more ;-)

My Ayurveda Vaidya over here is a smart and competent
young man. And I think he knows his Ayurveda very well,
thank god for it!!
And yet, his remark yesterday really left me gobsmacked,
almost shocked.
Oh so sad that somewhere there is no difference between this
holistic Doctor and my GP.....my GP who does not take ME
seriously at all and only offers anti-depressants......and then
my Ayurvedic Doctor, who says - "Research has shown that
intellectuals and people who think too much are the ones
who get ME"

I guess the ME outbreak in the 1930's at the Royal Free
Hospital where more than 200 staff got affected were all
intellectuals, or the epidemic of ME at Lake Tahoe, Nevada
in the 1980's that affected hundreds of people too, only
targeted intellectuals too.
Children suffering from ME caught this disease because they
think too much perhaps......
or Canada and other countries who have banned blood donation
from ME patients have done it because ME patients have the
over-intellectual gene or something in their blood.

Oh okay....breathe, let it go.....whewwwww......

This kind of statement is judgemental and flawed.
And yet, this statement does not define my Ayurvedic doctor.
Despite his flawed belief about ME (which is the same as the
majority of people who don't really know anything about it)
he is a good and sincere healer who genuinely wants to
help me. And I believe he will......as he is a
competent, capable and highly skilled Vaidya.....
I guess we will work together for my healing in the time to
come, and learn from each other - I am sure I have a lot to
learn from him......

Well, even some of my closest friends do not understand at all.
When I tell them I have not taken a shower in a week because
I have no energy to take it - they say oh I've been feeling very tired
too lately and then move on to another subject more interesting.....
Or a couple of friends who insist on knowing all about what
I am going through, then they listen and say, yes that must be hard,
and then never ever call you again......
Or the other day, when I told a friend that I was very worried about
taking a flight alone to India when I cannot even get out of bed right
now - she replied, Come on, just catch a flight and come visit me,
my cook will make you some great food you'll be perfectly fine,
nothing wrong with you!!!!
Ah I wish I could go and eat some of this food made by her cook,
if her food can cure ME, who knows even Cancer maybe,
wouldn't that be great? :-)

I'm smiling now, but when this happens, somehow it breaks
my heart every time.
It is strange how quickly ME sifts the chaff from the essential.
I am learning to let go, understand, forgive, accept and move on.....
These are old friends and they care, even though they do not know
right now how to be present or what to do or say......
Some relationships will no longer remain, no longer exist in my life,
thanks to ME and yet, others will become so precious and fill my
heart and soul deeply......people who unexpectedly so surprisingly,
understand and support and are quietly present, praying for you and
wishing you so much goodness, sending you so much love......

Ultimately it depends on my own response, on the choices
I make and how I approach this journey.....
I can allow ME to rob me off my life, or I can open my arms
and embrace the experience - learning from it, receiving
the gifts it brings, the transformation and the beautiful healing...

I feel grateful.......

So Ayurveda it is for now, two and a half weeks of remedies
and treatments here and then off to India on 5th February for 4 weeks
of Ayurveda in beautiful Kerala :-)

No highs, no lows now.......Patience is the keyword........
it will take time, and yet I know, with absolute certitude
that I am going to heal and recover and move beyond
ME, both the disease and who knows, maybe one day,
lose the separate self , the "me" too? ;-)

Trevor, my soul mate, and my daughter Saatchi, the joy
of my life.......no words ever would be adequate to express
how much and in how many ways these two loved ones
have been present, with constant support, understanding
and love.....every single moment......even when crying tears
in the face of my pain and suffering, they have given so
generously, so lovingly.......only gratitude, only love, infinite
and always.......

And my mother in India, my family in Paris - present too
every single day despite the physical distance......
what a gift!!!!

Winter Nourishment - Some Indian Tastes and Flavors

2010-11-02T01:44:00.001Z

A South Indian Platter:

Rice & lentil crispy crepes (Dosa)

Spicy lentil curry (Sambhar)

Coconut & Coriander Chutney

Brown rice steamed cakes (Idli)

Spicy Steamed Veggie & Chia Seed Soup:

Rice & Fish Curry Soup:

I began to write an e-book a few months ago, I wrote a few chapters
and even shared a couple of them, over at my other blog.....
And then I got blocked!
However much I tried, there was nothing doing - I simply could
not write anymore.....

I was not ready.....I still had so much to learn, discover and explore.....
There were still many levels within I had to climb and go beyond,
many new steps to take, different roads to walk on....

Now I feel ready to share once more, but not the same as before,
I no longer feel the need to preach or push or tell anyone how to eat.....
I am not interested in any theories - I simply want to put food
on the table and let my food talk!

So, I am working on a Cookbook :-)
And this cookbook will be about the food I love to make and eat myself,the food my husband and daughter love to eat as well....
Food that comes from my heart, food that comes from my home,
simple, wholesome, delicious, nutritious and healthy, food for the soul......

Gluten free, dairy free, sugar free Healthy Cookbook of Indian Tastes
and Flavors.....

No more words, pure joy and many smiles :-))))

Clean - New Revelations and Constant Blessings

2010-10-08T22:39:00.003+01:00

Morning Green Juice made in my Vitamix

Clean is becoming a continual lifestyle for me and 6 weeks after
I began this program, I am still reaping incredible benefits.
It is fast becoming an Integral Transformation - one that is in total
alignment with even the name of this Blog here.....

I want to share this with all of you, because I believe that cleansing
on other levels, mental, emotional, spiritual, is as important if not
more than the detoxing we do on the physical level.....
A shift on one level impacts all other levels, a tweak in one place
can trigger an earthquake in another......
ripples ripples ripples spreading far and wide......

Clean Lunch - Salad & Homemade Pesto spread on Rice Crackers

1) My relationship with Disease and Life

Clean - helped me to unveil certain key elements

in my life that really opened up the path to true healing.

Asking myself these tough questions was not easy,

but the answers that flowed in.....set me free....

What am I doing that is creating another reality?
What ways and which places am I actually
saying "no" to my healing?
In what unconscious ways am I turning away
from healing and getting my life back?
What are the secondary benefits of being sick?
How much am I identified to the persona of Neeta
who has been sick for a while and is constantly sick now?
What part inside me is afraid to heal, afraid to live a life free of disease?
How would my life change if I got healed right here, right now?
and Am I prepared to live that life right away?

Clean Lunch - Grilled Fish with Steamed Broccoli

and Butternut Squash

2) Balance Balance Balance and then Balance some more!!!
For the last two years, my focus has been - Healing.
I have learned a lot about Nutrition, supplements,

alternate methods, made many lifestyle changes,

practiced happiness and mediation, done my very best to

overcome my health challenges......
And yet - in some strange way, I have actually been completely
obsessed and self absorbed in my Problems and Challenges,
focused on my pains, body reactions, the symptoms, the disease,
all the negative!!
My last two years, I have stopped working, stopped living

my life, because I want to focus on healing - but damn it - I have

been going about it in such a wrong way!!!
I have totally lost all Balance in my life......if you focus on

one sick plant in a garden, just sit next to it night and day,

trying to make it better, and neglect all the other parts of

the garden - then one day you lose the whole garden......

much better to do whatever you can for the sick plant,

and then genuinely trust the Universe and the Divine

to do the best, and move on and take care of other plants

around you too.......

I lost balance and lost my life, because my life became

only about my pain and problems, my healing and myself.......

Now I just want to continue doing my best for healing,

and move towards living my life, paying attention to other

areas I have neglected - specially work, that I have missed

so much these last couple of years - in fact, I believe now,
that when your work is your passion and your purpose,

and you give it up, then it takes away something very

essential from your growth and healing.....
Not fulfilling your life purpose can contribute to illness......

Sorry if I am repeating myself here, but this has been such

an important revelation for me, one that has already begun

to change my life completely......

I am working on revamping, redoing my professional website

and I'm going to begin working very soon :-))))))

Brown Rice soup with Pumpkin, fresh Coriander,

Cumin seeds, drizzle of Coconut Oil,

Sea salt and Pepper

3) My relationship with Food

I have had such success giving up Gluten, Dairy,
Sugar, Nightshades, Corn and Soy.
And yet there is a part within me that protests
and rebels and behaves like a child, throwing tantrums
and stamping the feet, shouting, I want to eat a cheese on toast
and custard and jelly and all those Indian gluten dairy sugar filled
foods I grew up with!!!!

And thus after every Cleanse and Detox I have managed
to sabotage the benefits by going back to crappy eating,
then getting sick again and so the cycle has continued.
Food plays the key part in my healing, I know that, and yet,
it has been such a difficult aspect to deal with!
Because food is all about the emotional triggers being fired
or fulfilled - unless we deal with those triggers usually associated
with our past, their source in our memories with huge emotional
baggage attached to them - we will never be free of the power
food has over us!!

This time around, with the Clean program - I have finally
managed to shine light into the deepest darkest corners of my food
neural pathways and get understanding and insights into
those triggers......
it might take some time to rebalance and correct my relationship
with food, and to build a new healthy one, once and for all,
but I can definitely see the light at the end of the tunnel......

I've had a difficult childhood and adolescence, with huge painful
experiences - and the only happy memories I have from all those
painful years are all associated with Food and the yummy dishes
I ate and that comforted me.....
Giving up all those foods has felt like I am giving up the only
happy moments of my life. So, of course, a big part of me rebelled!

Now I have realized that my present is and has been for
many years now, a very happy time for me. I am no longer the
same person going through painful times, as the times they
have changed for sure!!
And choosing to eat foods that are great for me, building happy
and healthy memories for the future with new foods, is the way to go.....

I am not giving up anything in reality, except something I have
already outgrown in my present.
In fact, by giving up those unhealthy comfort foods, I am also
letting go of all those painful memories attached to them,
and also letting go of the pain and suffering I have been
carrying in my body all this time - which is most probably the
source and cause of all my health problems in the first place!

Realizing this is such a blessing and gives me a sense to true
freedom and an vast opening within of possibilities......

My present and my future has no space for unhealthy foods
that don't correspond to who I am becoming, to the expression
of my soul and the life I want to manifest......
So letting go is happening, truly, deeply and honestly........

I start another round of Clean on Sunday, and I'm so excited
about what new gifts and blessings I will receive this time.....
My dearest rocking friend HippieMom is also starting her Clean
on Sunday, I am so grateful and happy to have her company for
my second round :-)))))

Loving What Is........

2010-09-02T02:56:00.001+01:00

something is moving within, once more
the waves are crashing against the shore,
of my body and mind, heart and soul.....
my thoughts gather around the force,
and follow the storm right to the source,
i feel wetness in every cell and pore......
one taste, one play, one song, one dance
unfolds so perfectly in the here and now,
what is, is a gift, whatever happens or not.....
love flows, gratitude rises in my heart
again and frees it of every ache and pain,
light sparkles in my flesh, blood and brain....
all is well, has always been, no lack at all
nothing missing, i hear the call and
i'm awake, the sun is shining, darkness fades........

42 Days of Clean - Notes on my Experience

2010-08-29T18:58:00.000+01:00

Basil, Spinach & Almond Pesto

Almond Vanilla Butter

Cashew and Brazil Nut Butter

When I began Clean, I was not looking for quick or easy
transformation, for super high energy or miracle cures.
I've had a lot of health challenges over the last three years
and experienced many different cleanses and roads to healing.

I simply wanted to get out of bed, walk out of the house
alone and gain stability in my energy. No highs or lows.

The following results and gifts are what I've received
in the last 6 weeks of Clean:

* - I am not house bound or bed bound anymore :-))))))
* - My energies are stable and continue to increase every day.
* - A sense of solid Calm, all the time, each day for 6 weeks.
* - I fell down and hurt myself very badly, recovered totally
in 2 days flat, AMAZZZIIINNNGGGG!!!!!!
* - I feel stronger on all levels, physical, emotional, mental.
* - Neurological episodes, brain fog and memory loss etc have
greatly reduced, only one episode during the last 6 weeks
(even though I have to go to the hospital to have a
neurological check up next month, I feel confident and
no longer scared out of my wits now!!)
* - Constant aches and pains, my loyal companions, are leaving
me alone these days, more often than not,
still have a way to go, slowly..... :-)
* - Intense migraines and headaches have greatly reduced too,
instead of suffering almost every third day, I've only had one
migraine episode during my period!
* - I've used the inhaler only once, during ED and
haven't needed it again!!! :-))))
* - Vertigo and loss of balance has totally disappeared,
not even one episode!!!
* - Increased awareness/connection to my body and it's needs.....
* - A love for clean foods and creativity to try out new recipes :-)))
* - Magnesium Citrate - the best thing ever!!!
* - Reduced hair fall, stronger nails and glowing skin
* - Feel better in my clothes - even though haven't weighed
myself, put the scale in the loft and have no desire to bring
it down before the end of the year :-)

I've had some spectacular results with my Juice Feasts before.
In fact, nothing beats a Juice feast for spiritual connection!!!
And yet, that high during the feast has always resulted in
major lows once you begin eating and it has actually made
my health worse than before!!
Specially the long feasts - 20 & 40 days !!!
I will definitely like to do a couple of days on juicing, maybe
even a few more - but long ones are out now.....

Clean has brought huge stability in my life, along with creating
some very good habits for sustainable long term wellness.

I am on Day 3 post cleanse today and will wait a few days more
to share my experience of post cleanse.....

Till the, for those of you who would like to know more about
Clean, please buy the book Clean by Dr Alexander Junger,
I deeply feel it is the best book on detox and wellness ever!!!

Clean Day 35 - Detoxing, Falling, Flowering

2010-08-19T23:10:00.001+01:00

Quinoa Salad

with cucumber, spinach, coriander, walnuts,

smoked trout flakes, olive oil, sea salt,

lemon juice and black pepper

Day 35 today - Five weeks on Clean :-)))

I went through an intense Detox over the weekend,
while on a road trip to Wales.
I tried to find reasons for it but then let go.....
anything could have triggered it,
even being on the road in hilly and mountainous areas!
And after all I'm on a Cleanse, and detoxing, letting go of
all the toxins in the body is the goal of the process, right?
The body has it's own agenda which might not always
fall into line with my plan, my cells decide when to let go of
more toxins, when it is the right moment, they flush it all out.....
they don't hang around for my permission or the ideal
time and place! ;-)

While my body was detoxing, I ate very little.
I had made dehydrated crackers and bars for the trip,
and I had some for lunch the first day......but then all hunger
went away and Juice, coconut water and a couple of rice
crackers with avocado is all I could manage.

Dehydrated Crackers with Hummus and a Salad of cucumbers,
greens and fresh sprouts for a picnic lunch
The crackers are made with finely sliced red onions,
ground flax seeds and ground almonds in a ratio of 1:1
mixed with sea salt, herbs and spices - Yummy!

Dehydrated Bars / Slices

These contain:
walnuts/hemp seeds/coconut/pumpkin seeds
apple/zucchini/blueberries
sea salt/cinnamon/stevia
A very nutritious and tasty little snack, perfect for a trip :-)

I had a colonic on Tuesday evening, which really cleaned
me up and got rid of all the toxins floating around in one go!!
In the middle of the session, I felt a huge letting go
happening on all levels, I literally felt a veil being lifted
from my eyes and my brain - waves of love and joy spread
through me and I began to cry and feel deep gratitude.
I felt so happy, buzzing and Clean in both body and spirit.

I walked out of there feeling on the top of the world and
fell right down a flight of stone steps - I fell hard.....
I'm laughing while writing this right now
but that fall took me totally by surprise.
I had a couple of toe nails half torn with blood clotting,
the whole of right leg scraped and bruised, left hip muscle
pulled, right hand, elbow, arm, shoulder all pulled and strained,
whole body in shock and bruises in many other places.

And I can't even begin to express how amazed I am
with this body.....even Trevor can't get over how quickly
I have healed and recovered!!
Incredible is an understated and inadequate word here!!
I had pains and aches, I'm still sore in places - but I did
nothing, didn't apply anything, took no painkillers, just left
the body alone to heal.....and it did, with a speed
that I still can't get over!!
I'm sorry, probably repeating myself here or sounding
dramatic, but I feel so utterly absolutely amazed,
what to do? ;-)

Any other time, I would have been bed bound for days
just because of the shock!
It makes such a huge difference to be on Clean for so many
days - to nourish myself with food that is clean and
non-inflammatory, to have gone through layers of detox one
after another and be a lot less filled with toxins than ever before!
My body is healing, transforming, becoming centered and
finding its own balance, opening up softly, blooming and
unfolding and becoming the flower it is meant to be.....

Clean - Day 25 and rocking!!!

2010-08-10T21:06:00.002+01:00

Mango, avocado, coconut, cardamon Raw IceCream

I feel good. I feel fabulous.
Stable, centered, grounded, calm.
As though nothing can shake this inner core anymore.

Even my dreams are crystal clarity right now.....
vivid intense colorful and so exciting.....

There is nothing really tangible to be excited about,

in fact the very opposite.
Things are shaky for us at the moment, some instability,
insecurity, the ground is shifting.....

and yet, instead of feeling frightened of the unknown,
of what the future holds.....
I feel calm and strong and excited.

Open to Life, open to whatever life brings.....
I love it all, just this, the way it is.....
Am I crazy?
I'm not the only one. Ripples spread and my partner and

daughter are catching my excitement too.
Old doors are closing and we are curious about the
possibilities ahead, who knows which new doors will open,
we sure don't know the how or the when either,
but we are learning to trust and accept....

Clean.
Nourishing my body and soul with clean food.

True food that is aligned with who I am.
I am what I eat. I eat what I am.
This is a profound practice.
One that affects on all levels, every aspect,

in so many soft and subtle ways......

Maybe on another post I might have something more precise,

more concrete to say, but I can only let the words flow today.......

Clean - Day 18

2010-08-03T15:52:00.005+01:00

Today is Day 18 of my 21 day Clean detox program.
I am feeling so wonderful on it that I plan to continue
for another 3 weeks :-)
I find no reason to stop eating and nourishing myself
in a way that is doing me so much good!!

I sleep better, I have more energy, I feel stable and calm,
no highs or lows and my body is healing, slowly but more
and more.....with each passing day that brings me something
new to rejoice about.....

Liquid breakfast and dinner - green juices, green smoothies
or green soups - and a healthy balanced lunch which totally
satisfies me.....
I exepriment every day, making Clean meals and I'm enjoying
the whole process of discovering how to make Clean foods
with Clean ingredients tasty and delicious.
I am deeply satisfied and have intense pleasure with the foods
I am eating for lunch and the liquids I am having for breakfast
and dinner - If this is detox, well, I could continue forever!!! :-)
Not only is Clean food yummy but it is totally healthy and
brings goodness to your body and soul......

And the best part is that I can continue eating Indian meals,
adapted of course to Clean ingredients.
I need something Indian every other day, and I love being on
a detox that allows me to eat the food I've grown up with :-)

Here are some pictures of what I've been eating
for lunch these last few days - Enjoy :-)

Gluten free Vegan Soda bread, with avocado and salmon spread,

and cucumbers from our garden - a delicious open sandwich

for my lunch yesterday, with a side of mixed greens salad :-)

A slice of Socca - a traditional South East French street food,

also called Farinata in Italy.

Made from chickpea flour, oilive oil, herbs and spices,

red onions and garnished with zucchini from our garden,

served with a mixed greens salad.
There is another version that we eat in India called
Besan ka cheela or puda and it is delicious too!!!

Salmon in green coconut masala, with brown rice, broccoli

and steamed green beans.

Green lentil Falafel made nutrient dense with flax seeds and

sesame seeds, served on a Romaine lettuce wrap,

with avocado and sprouts, topped with a yummy sauce.

Fish curry with tamarind and coconut milk,
served with brown rice and garlic cumin spinach

Clean - Day 5

2010-07-21T20:55:00.002+01:00

If I could express the experience of being on Clean program
up until now in just one word - it would be Stable.

In the last few days, I have been feeling - calm, stable and centered.

No highs or lows, no intense detox to struggle with,

no bumpy waves to ride!

It is a very different ball game from Juice Feasting.
One that I'm beginning to really like and enjoy very much.
Early days yet, for sure......but there is a quiet confidence and
a subtle certitude filling me every day.....I am healing.
Aand slow and steady wins the race.

There is a kind of liberation, a feeling of freedom - in following a
plan that is not my own, sticking to a protocol and structure build
by someone else, someone who knows.....

This is what I've had the last 5 days:

Day 1:

Green Smoothie - mango, avocado, blueberries, coconut water, ginger, hemp protein, ground flax seeds, fresh kale and spinach from my garden, stevia and ice
Salmon with steamed Broccoli and Asparagus - sprinkled with hemp seeds, Udo's oil and Himalayan pink salt
Coconut water and handful of Cherries - for a snack
Green Juice - cucumber, celery, carrot, romaine lettuce

Day 2:

Green Juice - Cucumber, celery, pear, mint, lemon

Green Salad - Avocado, cucumber, broccoli sprouts, mixed salad greens from the garden, walnuts

2 Rice crackers + Hummus - as a snack

Green Smoothie - Pineapple, blueberries, kale, spinach, ground flax seeds, ginger

Day 3:

Green Juice - cucumber, celery, carrots, romaine lettuce, lemon

Indian vegetable/chickpea Curry + 3 tbs Brown Rice - zucchini, mint,

coriander, green beans chickpeas, tamarind, spices and coconut milk

Blueberries - as a snack

Green Smoothie - Avocado, cucumber, spinach, stevia, ginger, lemon,

hemp protein

Day 4:

Green Juice - cucumber, celery, apple, kale, ginger, lemon

handful of Cherries - as a snack

Salad - avocado, cucumber, swiss chard, spinach, walnuts, smoked trout

2 Rice crackers + Hummus - as a snack

Coconut Water + Blueberries - as a snack

Almond Milk and Mango Smoothie - with two dates and ginger

Day 5:

Green Juice - cucumber, celery, spinach, apple, ginger, lemon
Salmon in Green masala + Zucchini- Indian style salmon, with mint
/coriander/coconut/spices + zucchini.
Blueberries + Coconut water - as a snack
1 glass Watermelon shake - with basil, sea salt, ginger and ice
Raw soup - zucchini, avocado, garlic, ginger, lemon juice, coriander,
garam masala, olive oil

The protocol is liquid breakfast and dinner, one solid meal at lunch
and snacks in between if you are really hungry.
There has to be a 12 hour window between the liquid dinner and the
liquid breakfast the next day. This allows the body to rest and then
detox, cleanse and heal. I usually leave 15 hours between dinner and
breakfast, after all I do have a lot to heal from :-)

There is a list of what you can eat and what you can't. What is called
the "Elimination Diet" as there is a long list of foods you are leaving
out of your plate.
I did 5 days on Elimination Diet, eating one liquid breakfast and two
solid meals before going on the Clean program. This prepared me
very well and there are hardly any cravings, nor hunger pangs now....

You have to read the book "Clean" to understand and follow the plan,
there are supplements to take every day too.

Clean has been created by Dr Alejandro Junger - an amazing person.
I loved his book and everything he explained made absolute sense
and it felt like everything I have learnt and know has been put
together in the right place leading to right action for me :-)
The best place to learn more about this is Clean community site
with a wonderful group of members, who encourage, inspire,
support and share graciously.....

I feel good. I feel in the right place for me right now.
I feel grateful and happy :-)

Love to you all xoxox

Clean

2010-07-12T15:53:00.008+01:00

Time to begin healing this new complex sounding neurological
immune dysfunction disease I have been diagnosed with.....

As I had mentioned in one of my earlier posts -I do not believe
in labels for chronic diseases as all diseases have one source -
Toxicity/Acidity.

I have wondered, questioned, and on occasion even lamented,
that despite eating fairly healthy, doing regular cleanses etc,
I still suffer from health challenges and issues!!

"All suffering stems from a resistance to What is."

I sincerely believe this and try to practice Active Acceptance
in my life. The last few weeks have been a revelation and I have
finally come to an Acceptance of my health challenges and the
fact that they are still with me. It holds meaning for me now.

And I have come back to a place where I am feeling at peace
with my body and its need again for healing and recovery.

It is not possible for me to do an intense Cleanse anymore,
those days of long Juice Fasts are over! And as I wrote in my earlier
post, I like to eat a 70/30 to 80/20 raw alkaline diet as this is what
suits me. I do like my cooked food and I enjoy fish at times too......
No labels of any kind here either :-)

I bought a book called Clean by Dr Alexander Junger and it really

resonated for me on all levels.

I will be starting the Clean program from tomorrow. I will be
doing the program from the book and I'll write more about this
in the following posts.
I have joined their support community and to my happy surprise
I found an old blogging friend from my Juice feasting days, Jenny
who is now working as a Wellness coach with the Clean team!!!
How wonderful is that?? :-)))))

4 days on the elimination diet and then 21 days on the Clean plan.

I'll be blogging about it here, maybe not everyday,
but as often as I can.....

It makes a change to follow a program from someone else,
instead of doing my own thing!

It will help me be consistent with the food, supplements and
activities.....

I am quite excited and look forward to being CLEAN and
healthy soon.....

And I feel grateful for these health challenges, with all the pain
and suffering they have entailed, all the difficulties and tough nights
they have put me through - I am deeply grateful for it all.......

To continue learning, discovering, healing, transforming.....
being more and more integral, authentic and bliss-filled......this is
what my health challenges have brought for me in their arms.....
a gift of grace......

I thank you my friends with all my being, for all the support and
love you continue to shower on me.....all along this healing
transforming journey......

Namaskar with a deep bow, and onwards to Clean from tomorrow :-)

Growing Food in our Patio

2010-06-24T21:29:00.001+01:00

There is nothing as satisfying and empowering
as growing your own food.....

Day by day, to watch the plants changing, transforming,
new shapes, new flowering, new offerings......

A small patio, a couple of corners - green spaces emerge :-)

Patio corner

Marigolds and Dill

Salads and chives

Herbs - spring onion, horseradish, mint, oregano etc

Strawberry bush

Zucchini/courgette Flower

Onion Flower

Swiss chard

Young baby Spinach

Lambs Lettuce - mache

Hanging Tomato plant

Mixed Salad

Grace and Grit

2010-06-10T03:46:00.004+01:00

Have you ever felt that you are moving around in circles,
never ending always turning circles?

My life for the last three years has often felt like that.....

And yet, I have continued moving and turning because
I have always believed in two things:

1) I am a circle with no periphery and the center everywhere.

2) It is not a circle turning...it is a spiral revolving....
and I am never at the same point horizontally,
but on a point that even though feels the same, is not.....
It is on another level of the spiral!

The last three weeks have been a total nightmare......

I am undergoing tests, but my Doctor believes I have a chronic
neurological and immune dysfunction disease,
for which there is no cure, no proven treatment......
I won't write the fancy label here.....
I refuse to believe in it anyway!

Sustaining joy, acceptance and gratitude in the face of
such physical suffering - takes a lot of grace and grit.......

grace and grit......

to not give up,
to continue believing,
to continue having faith,
to feel calm inside,
to go beyond the fears,
to step out of crazy,
to move out of scary,
to hold on to hope,
to begin once more,
to ride the waves,
of fatigue and pains,
to feel the divine,
and continue to shine......

I have begun many chapters on this blog,
again and again fasting and feasting,
healing and transforming.....
and yet, the journey continues,
and yet, the healing will take place......again......

I began an ebook, it is half finished.....
I began a course in nutrition, it is half done too....
I don't know when I will be able to finish it all.....
I don't know when I will be able to live a normal
life either.....
I do know that I will.....it is enough for now.....
for now, it is enough to accept, to flow......

It seems like physical suffering, transforming
through the body - is my karma for this lifetime.....
What is the point of lamenting, feeling sorry for myself,
or moaning, grumbling and giving up?

I have these sufferings,
I am not these sufferings.....

I might have this disease, but this disease is definitely
not going to have me :-)

Wonder Wander

2010-06-03T00:26:00.004+01:00

the days gone by
have been the calm
before a storm
waiting to transform...
now there is a buzz
from head to toe
a pull to wander
and begin once more....
a part of me aches
for stability and peace
another for adventure
a fresh new lease....
i live a period
a chapter a phase
then let go and move
to another stage.....
i taste and explore
every wave and shore
i reach out and touch
what i haven't touched before........

Green Juice/Smoothie, Brownie and New World....

2010-05-08T00:47:00.004+01:00

The last ten days since I finished my liquid feast
have been very interesting, I have not always managed
to remain 80% alkaline and raw, but I've been close.

I begin every morning with a Green Juice or a Green smoothie,
and I have noticed that they have a different impact on the day
that follows.....
Green Juice gives stability, a kind of calmness and clarity.
Strangely, even though it has no fiber and is light in density,
it gives a more solid and tangible effect than a Green Smoothie.
The Smoothie is very good if I want to go out and have a busy day,
it stimulates and gives a kind of buzz. I think it comes from the
fruit in the Smoothie, fructose it is but definitely a form of sugar.
The day I want to write or study or need mental clarity for talks,
discussions or to coach/counsel clients or friends, I am better off
with lots of Green Juice.
Another thing I have noticed is the Juice takes away all kinds of
cravings or emotional hunger. I have no need to snack or eat anything
for quite a long time after I've had my liter of Juice, whereas with
even two glasses of Green Smoothie, I get hungrier more quickly!

Green Juice:

The base is always cucumber, celery, ginger and lemon/lime.
To this I add my greens - kale/spinach or romaine.
Usually I use a couple of carrots to lightly sweeten the juice,
if I have run out of carrots I use half a pear or half an apple,
never more because I don;t like the juice to taste sweet.....
Today I bought some oranges, because I want to have
carrot, celery, orange and ginger juice, not in the morning
as that is when I need a huge dose of greens, but as a snack
sometime in the late afternoon.....

Green Smoothie:

The base is always kale or spinach or romaine, sometimes
if I have none of these, I just add whatever green salad
I have in my fridge and chilled water.
I usually use half a banana and a big handful of blueberries
or strawberries, a tablespoon of hemp seeds, a pinch
of sea salt and some ice cubes....I like the smoothie to be
really cold, otherwise I don't enjoy it as much!!

I have a box of blueberries every day, I can't seem
to get enough of these, I can eat them all day long!!!

And I love a good yummy salad with lots of greens
and avocados and tomatoes and peppers and ....and.....
so much variety, so many vegetables to choose from,
it is never boring :-))))
And the dressings can be delish too!!!

I eat small helpings of food - I feel full
very quickly. My body does not need a lot of food,
what it needs and calls out for is high nutrient density foods!

I usually eat one small meal cooked - a chunky vegetable soup
made in the pressure cooker with spices and a little coconut milk,
or some steamed broccoli with a few pieces of steamed sweet
potato,
or quinoa / brown rice / buckwheat or millet or amaranth flatbread
with steamed vegetables or sometimes a salad with a bean burger.

I've had a small piece of steamed fish once with Trevor along with
steamed broccoli and it was okay, I think I can eat fish once a week,
with no problems at all.....
But I am not attracted at all to any dairy products or eggs etc.....

In fact, tonight we had some guests and I made a chocolate
brownie with honey, ground almonds and dessicated coconut,
no flours at all but with black beans, 2 eggs and some olive oil....
It was very light and melt in your mouth, I was tempted and had
a portion of it.....it felt good for the first few bites and then I felt
quite sick!!! Instant headache and nausea, my whole body
rejected it and I just kept saying, not this, not again, don't want,
don't want, and felt an intense yearning for greens and more greens......
I've had two liters of water with sodium bicarbonate and
green powder to alkalize.......
The next time, I want to eat something sweet and chocolatey,
I think I'll stick to raw avocado chocolate mousse!!!

I am laughing and grinning as I write this - just very interesting
to observe how the body speaks when you listen and how old neural
pathways light up at times, but when you take a walk down that road,
it is simply not the same thing anymore!

The NEW WORLD is here to stay this time around, YESSSS :-))))

Flow....

2010-04-30T04:40:00.007+01:00

4:15 in the morning,
all silence and peace,
only me with my self,
not a wink of sleep....
just waves once more,
of love and light,
joy and gratitude,
life shining bright....
every night i dream,
with eyes open wide,
every night i lie,
with the world beside....
i hold the universe,
right here in my hand,
nothing is not-me,
as i breathe and expand....
a car moving outside,
is a cell moving within,
the earth, sea and sky,
are my flesh, blood and skin...
the bird's sweet song,
is the beat of my heart,
i am one with the flow,
there is nothing apart.....

Liquid Feast - Day 20

2010-04-27T00:26:00.002+01:00

Day 20 :

and time to move on......

Something within has shifted so clearly, so intensely

that the only way I can express it is through poems and

my random scribblings.....

It has been very powerful, subtle and almost beyond words,

on the spiritual level.....the feelings of connectedness,

unity-consciousness, one taste, awareness and bliss have

made me weep tears of joy and gratitude all day long.....

Fears disappeared, doubts faded, confusion cleared.

I got a lot of things done in this short time - the capacity

to concentrate and focus on nitty gritty boring details and simply

do what needs to be done, has been very welcome....

There is certitude and a soft clear knowing of what needs to be done

NEXT -it is such a gift of grace to see the path ahead and deeply

know that its right for you.....that it always has been too.....

Acceptance, gratitude, trust, joy.....to be cultivated and practiced,

shared and expressed......

Detox has been strong these last couple of days and my

body has been giving me signals that it needs more than

just juices now......

So its time to eat once again and knowing what my body

needs to eat, how I will nourish it in the future - is quite

wonderful too.....

I am going to follow the 70/80 - 30/20 % rule......

At my best it will be 80-20, at my worse hopefully not

other than 70-30.......

80% Raw

80% Alkaline

80% Full Stomach

I have done it before with great success......
Time to have another go :-)

Thank you very much all of you, for being there with me,
with kindness, support and love, all throughout this mad and
crazy journey......

Fleur, deep gassho, namaskar and gratitude beyond words.....
You are precious.......

I share once more, some words I wrote before.......
scribble no 15 actually :-)

be not the mental noise, be the stillness from where it emerges,

you are not your thoughts, just let them come and go......

be not the anger that arises, ask who is it that is angry?

who is sad ? who is it that weeps and feels so low?

be the screen on which colors move and dazzle

simply be the field where all the ideas grow.....

seek not your self in the waves big or small

that dance and clash against the shores

be the deep ocean where it all takes place

be the space from where it all flows...........

Awake......

2010-04-25T01:36:00.003+01:00

soft, silent, subtle and strong,
filling me up from inside out,
making me melt once again,
nothing of me or mine remains.....
is this what life is all about?
no fear, no anger, not a single doubt,
just love that makes my heart shake,
my cells re-form and come awake.....
i touch and smile and sing my song,
these crazy waves i ride upon,
i cry i laugh i dance i die,
every night i'm born, every day i fly.......

Light......

2010-04-24T02:15:00.009+01:00

in the darkness of the night,
with silence all around,
something softly awakens,
whispers in gentle sounds,
a spark within dances,
the dance of one taste,
taking me somewhere else,
beyond time and space,
where all is light all is bliss,
there is no sky no ground,
trying to look for my self,
"i" am no where to be found........

Liquid Feast - Day 12 & 13

2010-04-19T23:32:00.005+01:00

Juice Shop in Bangalore, India

Day 12 :

I began the morning by making a Smoothie.
I was so thrilled with the bagful of Nettle, young
green leaves looking so fresh and healthy :-)
I soaked them in water as I'd read somewhere
it takes away the sting.
Then, blended them with hemp milk and blueberries.
I had been on Just Juices for 5 days, so I was quite excited about
having a smoothie and that too, with Nettles, yeah!!!!
I drank a few sips and two things happened.
My mouth began to sting, it felt so strange and it hurt.
What did I do wrong with the Nettles?
Maybe I should have juiced them instead of
blending the leaves whole?
Fleur, please help!!!!!
And secondly, something in me kind of rejected
the idea of smoothie, it felt alien after the clear energy
of juices for the past 5 days.....

So, no drink, no juice, just didn't feel like having anything for a while.
In the evening, I was hungry and got all kinds of cravings,
for savory raw foods and for cooked vegan Indian foods.
Very strong cravings.
Well, I needed something, so decided to make a raw green
savory shake. Three spoonfuls after - Yuckkkkkk!
My body definitely did not want it either.

So I decided finally ok, I'll make a green juice.
Savory Juice.
And I used cucumber, celery, tomato, kale and red cabbage.
I had half a glass, it tasted very strong and not really nice.
I've used cabbage before in my juice but maybe not in this
particular combination - I couldn't finish the glass and a little
later, my stomach began to hurt.
I felt quite sick all night long.

Quite a mad day this one - nothing really worked out,
I had almost no nourishment, I had intense cravings and no sleep.
Oh well, I've had some crazy days in my previous feast too!! ;-)

Day 13 :

I had 2 glasses of cucumber, apple and mint juice - nothing more.
My stomach was still a little sore in the morning, so I avoided any
strong green juice and gave it a rest too.....
Colonic session again in the afternoon - one of the most incredible,
powerful sessions I've ever had.....
I felt deeply connected, almost like a mystical experience but one
I shared with my therapist Anne, who is an angel in disguise!!!
We talked all along the session about spirituality, compassion, God,
Universe, healing, relationships - and both of us felt so grateful
to exchange and share with a common language, to be part of each
others journey......

I have been a little stressed about the ebook I am writing,
as I had promised some friends that it would be ready for
them yesterday and I am far from finished.
Today, I just let it go and breathed out all the tension and control.....
I am enjoying the writing of this book, loving it really, so I will just
continue to do that and the book will be finished when it will be
finished......

Juices tomorrow and this time I will stick to Juices only and be
consistent for the rest of my feast......

I am going to create a Green Food Feast for a photography session
to post on my other blog -I won't be able to have any of the food
I create, but Trevor and Saatchi will be happily pleased :-)

Ahhh, the ups and downs, the madness, the mystic moments,
the cravings and the yearnings,
the clarity and the joy, the raw emotions and being touched
by everything, the sharing and the laughter, spending time with
my sweetheart and my daughter.....

I love it, every bit of this, just the way it is.........

Liquid Feast - Day 10 & 11

2010-04-17T23:51:00.004+01:00

Day 10 & 11 - Just Juice

2 litres of celery, carrot, cucumber, greens, ginger, lemon Juice

as well as my 3 litres of Water with green powder, of course....

The photo above is an old one - all the Juice I have had for these
last five days has been green in color, just a couple of carrots
added for sweetness, no fruit at all.....
In fact all the pictures posted for this feast are old ones as
I haven't used my camera for days now!! Maybe tomorrow.....

I had a colonic yesterday and it did me a world of good as always.
Greens and colonics - this is what has healed me and continues to
do so....no medicines, no drugs for any of my health challenges!!!

5 days of Just Juices and its enough for now -I haven't feasted
for these five days, I have fasted. Tonight I feel the need for more
than Juices - I'd like Green Smoothies, Shakes and soups again.
Who knows I might come back to Just Juices after a few days....

We went and got some Nettles from a patch growing next to the golf
course where Trevor goes every weekend....
So, tomorrow morning I am going to make a hemp milk,
blueberry, ginger and nettles Smoothie, sounds yum for sure :-)

During this liquid feast I am keeping away from my usual browsing
of all other food blogs - i just feel the need to be in this liquid
nourishment space right now.......

It is bright blue golden sky over here, what a lovely gorgeous
spring weekend, here's sending you warm sunshine and wishing
you all a beautiful happy Sunday!

Liquid Feast - Day 7, 8 and 9

2010-04-15T21:18:00.002+01:00

Day 7, 8 & 9 - Just Juice

2 litres of cucumber, celery, carrot, greens, ginger, lime Juice

This is what I've had these last 3 days, simply varying the greens,

spinach, romaine, or kale.

Yesterday the detox began in earnest.

Headache, joint pains, muscle cramp.

I also felt very cold and very tired.

At the same time strangely, there were waves of gratitude,

love and bliss, so intense and strong that it made me weep

a few times, just tears of something I couldn't really name.....

My mind was focused and clear, with a million ideas flowing

and coming together to make perfect sense.

These three days of juice have surely done me good,

but the physical detox is hard because of my health issues.

Tomorrow I have a colonic session scheduled, so I'm sure

that will take out the toxins and ease my detox pains.

Though I'm not sure that I will continue with Just Juices
beyond another day.

Fleur in her last post has inspired me to go get Nettles.
So, this weekend I'm going to go foraging with Trevor
and get me some nettles for my juice.

With its high iron content I'm sure Nettles will help
me with my severe anemia and low iron blood.....

Thanks Fleur, you rock!!!
totally with you for Green Power :-)))

Liquid Feast - Day 6

2010-04-12T23:18:00.002+01:00

Curly Kale

Day 6 :

2 glasses of hemp milk, sprouts, blueberries, kale Smoothie
1 bowl of raw green gazpacho Soup
2 litre of cucumber, carrots, celery, spinach, ginger Juice
3 litres of Water with green powder

Simple satisfying day today.....with just one short
energy low in the evening.....

I've taken it easy and gentle, having soups and shakes,
avocados and coconut water....its been lovely to feast
on food that my body was asking for, to listen and pay
attention, to follow the rhythm the body sets, and to
flow without effort or stress.....
Time to move on to something a little deeper, to push
the detox a little further.....I feel ready for it :-)

So on to Just Juices from tomorrow Yessssss!!!!

Short one today, I need to go back to writing my ebook
"EAT RIGHT, BE LIGHT" which has to be finished
in the next five days and I still have tons to write.....

Wishing you all a Juicy Tuesday xxx

Liquid Feast - Day 4 & 5

2010-04-11T20:07:00.005+01:00

Day 4 :

1 glass of Coconut water

2 glasses of celery, carrot, ginger, lemon Juice

1 mug of vegetable broth

2 litres of Water with green powder

1 cup of nettle tea

Crazy day, had to rush out early and managed to just have
coconut water, out all day with nothing except some water,
by 4 I was starving and tired!!!

Luckily we were close to Richmond, so dropped in at the
health food shop and had 2 glasses of Juice!! Wheww!

We reached home at around 7 and I was exhausted
and very cold, which was strange because the whole day
had been warm and sunny, go figure!

Trevor said I needed something warm, sent me off to bed
and made me a mug of vegetable broth - veggies, greens,
herbs, spices and water in a pressure cooker,

then strained it - really delicious....I would probably not
have made anything cooked, but this really warmed me up!

Like Fleur said in her post yesterday - "make sure you have
enough juice if out and about" - so very true!!!!

Day 5 :

1 litre of Celery, cucumber, carrot, spinach, ginger Juice

1 big bowl of raw green soup - (avocado, tomatoes, spinach,

lemon, broccoli sprouts, ginger - blended + 2 spoons Udo's)

1 litre of cucumber, tomato, romaine lettuce, ginger Juice (YUM)

1 glass of hemp milk, blueberries, greens and ginger Smoothie

3 litres of Water with green powder

Ginger Sunday :-))))

I feel good today, my skin which looked like hell the last couple

of days (detox probably) begins to glow, clear and shine today.....

I have a lot of energy - and spent all day tidying,

arranging, clearing, putting things in their places and getting rid

of all the inessentials in the house - a great Spring Cleaning!!!

I loved everything I had today, the smoothie, the soup, the juices,

all of it yummy and very satisfying.....

No cravings, no hunger, just feelings of love and joy brimming up

along with clarity and flow.....

Trust, acceptance, gratitude xoxox

Liquid Feast - Day 3

2010-04-09T23:02:00.002+01:00

Day 3....

2 litres of cucumber, carrot, celery, kale, ginger, lime Juice
2 glasses of Coconut water
1 glass of avocado, lime, spinach, almond milk, stevia Shake
3 litres of Water with green powder

Major hunger pangs all evening....well, to be expected
as I cooked a meal for Trevor, vegetable curry and rotis (flatbreads)
and that was definitely not easy.......

I need more savory tastes and perhaps something warm,
so this weekend it will be soups and experimenting
with a few different recipes - keeping it simple though.....

It is amazing how just a couple of days on alkaline raw vegan
liquids can clear the mind, not only clear it but also open it up....
Ideas flow in, insights appear, everything seems lit up and
a lot of rubbish disappears....all is flow.....

A slight headache, a strange metallic taste in the mouth,
and low energy......mild detox.......

I'm going to make myself a cup of Nettle and peppermint tea
and then it time to sleep....sweet dreams :-)

Liquid Feast - Day 2

2010-04-08T22:18:00.002+01:00

Its been lovely today, bright sunshine and blue skies,
pretty colors and smiling faces.....no winter coats anymore......
Time to take out a different set of clothes :-)
Time to begin a long Liquid Feast once more......

Day 1 :

2 glasses of spinach, blueberries, hemp milk, stevia Smoothie
1 litre of carrot, celery, cucumber, lemon Juice
1 glass of avocado, kale, lime, cucumber and red pepper Shake
3 litres of Water with green powder

Day 2 :

1 glass of blueberries, kale, hemp milk, stevia Smoothie
2 litres of celery, cucumber, pear, romaine lettuce Juice
2 glasses of Coconut water
1 glass of avocado, lime, stevia, cucumber, spinach Shake
3 litres of Water with green powder

I am not following any set program or plan - only my own
Intuition.....listening to what my body needs.....

As yet I do not have the energy to cope with intense detox,
so I am doing this gently.....the hemp milk and avocado slows
down detox and provides the nourishment I need right now....
It's wonderful to not have any fixed or rigid ideas, no should's,
must's or have to's - this time there seems to be no strain or stress,
no feeling of effort surrounding this feast.....I am sliding into it
in a natural instinctive way that simply feels right to me.........

And I am not doing this alone either, I have the company of
my friend, the sweet Fleur who has been an inspiration and
support to me from the very beginning of my healing journey.
She is following her own intuition too and it is such fun to share
our experience and walk this path together :-)

A couple of weeks ago, when I was feeling low, and a little upset
about my health issues - Fleur asked me a question - Is there any
"key" that you could adjust that would make a difference?
Around the same time, Anne Page who is my colonic therapist
here in Henley, suggested that I do an exercise - go into my body
and have a look around, have a little chat with my organs and
and become aware of what my body is telling me about its needs.

I found a couple of keys and also had a chat with my body,
gosh, when you let it speak, believe me it really can go on ;-)
And I will definitely write about this here, another day, as there
is really so much to share, so much to say.....

For now, I leave you all with spring sunshine and a big big smile :-)

On to Day 3 of the liquid feast - I am so looking forward to it!!!!

What it takes.....

2010-04-07T00:35:00.004+01:00

it takes just a smile to fill up a heart,
it takes a small step for a journey to start,
it takes one breath to begin a life,
it takes trust and acceptance to let go of strife.....
it takes time and courage to achieve your goal,
it takes more than courage to answer your soul,
it takes deep knowing to reach for the star,
it takes all your being to become who you are......
it takes a lot of love to face all the pain
it takes song and dance to walk in the rain,
it takes just a moment for a hug and a kiss,
it takes here and now to follow your bliss.......

Aware, Awaken, Alkalize

2010-03-28T05:35:00.008+01:00

I've been reflecting, meditating and focusing
on my health journey, which began 3 years ago.
After months on high raw vegan, 40 days of Juice Feasting
and following an alkaline lifestyle on all levels,
I felt clean, pure, dynamic, healed, connected and transformed.
My live blood analysis showed a radical change - the cells
were glowing and clean and perfectly healthy......
From having less than one year before catastrophe struck,
I moved to a point where I couldn't even smell the slightest
whiff of anything catastrophic :-)

Now, 3 years down the road, my old health challenges are back
along with some new ones too - maybe I am crazy but right now
writing this - I am almost laughing, with a big silly grin on my face.
Sure, it is not funny, it has been painful, irritating, confusing and
has also made me feel low and blue these last few days.....
and yet....somehow, it is funny.......must be - because I can;t stop
grinning and at 5 in the morning right now, I am feeling light
and joyous and filled with laughter - I must be mad!!! :-)

My Doctor in Paris told me a few days ago, looking at all
my test results, that she couldn't understand how I was
walking around and functioning and talking and laughing
and I didn't even look sick really - when with the results
she saw I should be in the hospital or at least bed ridden!!
Yeah sure, in your dreams Doctor!! :-)
And a couple of days ago, some more test results
came out, showing some more stuff - yes stuff happens.....

Well, anyway, enough giggling......right? ;-)
So, I believe I have understood what I have done wrong
in the last couple of years, where I went off track.....
not consciously of course, otherwise I wouldn't
have done it......but sometimes when you are in the picture,
you don't see it clearly, and it takes time to step out,
time or then maybe something to shake you
out of complacency and your inertia......

One thing that I have to let go of completely
is the word and attitude of MODERATION - this word
is a killer for someone like me with serious
health challenges!!!
I had deep conditioning that I have to totally unlearn -
the voice that says, it is alright to eat this time to time,
it is okay to have it once in a while,
and slowly but certainly other thoughts creep in
without you being even aware of it!!! - like - others eat
everything and they are fine, so a little bit
of this won't really harm you - come on, stop being
so rigid, such a fanatic, you can't give up on everything!!!

ah, the monkey mind LOL
It is truly capable of fooling oneself thoroughly.......

And then, a little bit of this and a little bit of that,
and the body begins to turn Acidic once more - the Alkalinity
flies out the window.....
And acid calls for acid, so everyday becomes one little thing
once in a while......I was still being Moderate, of course!!!
I also did regular Juice feasts and Liquid Feasts and even
Colonics......so I felt I was doing good - yes I was but to heal
deeply from strong labeled health challenges, one has to stick
to the path and stay really really alkaline for yearsssssss......
and alkaline for years might mean alkaline forever, hopefully!

Awareness........Awakening......ALKALIZING
and gratitude flows.........
change is here again.......
transformation calls once more.......

and I feel strong and beautiful and connected, like before....
ready to dance and sing from the core....

Ok, maybe time to stop rambling and go to sleep,
it is almost 6 and I can hear birds chirping outside,
and I am loving life, madly, passionately, intensely :-)))))

I'll be happy......if only......

2010-03-26T01:28:00.006Z

if only i had this,
if only i had that,
if only he'd said this,
if only she'd not said that,
i wish it was different,
i wish i was elsewhere,
i wish the world was a better place,
i wish everyone would care,
i want sunshine instead of rain,
i want some heat and not cold,
i want my own place in the sun,
i want as i want it to unfold,
i need more than i have now,
i need to travel and explore,
i need to understand and express,
i need to have more and more,
i'll be happy if i get a house
i'll be happy if i get a car,
i'll be happy if i find love,
i'll be happy if i become a star,
if only i was slimmer,
if only i was pretty,
if only i was clever,
if only i was witty,

if only, i wish, i need, i hope,
i want, i yearn, i long, i ache,
i'll be happy.....if only if only,
everything happened my way.....

a serene cloud passing by,
got fed up with my chatter,
gave me a hard rap on my head,
woke me to what mattered......

right here, right now,
what is, just is,
all is perfect,
like this or like this........

nothing to get,
nowhere to be,
to accept this, what is,
that is the only key......

Food, Pain, Spirituality

2010-03-21T01:50:00.000Z

These last few days have been very hard.
A simple extraction of a wisdom tooth
turned into something very complicated
and needed surgery.
Antibiotics, anti-allergic tablets and strong
painkillers every 2 hours!

This body that is so not used to medication
of this kind - resisted, reacted and rejected!!

Other complications and old health challenges
surfaced and expressed themselves quite
generously......

"Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional"
True - and yet, very tough to remember
when physical pain reaches peaks that
not even the painkillers can accompany!

Juices, smoothies, soups, and then I had to
slow down because Detox in these circumstances,
is so not advisable - only causes more discomfort!

Now it is Juices, smoothies, nut milks, etc
during the day - and then something light
and soft and warm late evenings.....
I can't chew well at the moment, so no salads
or raw foods or nuts etc.....
Just hearty softly chunky vegetable soups,or steamed broccoli/sweet potatoes and
sometimes a few spoons of quinoa or brown rice.

No detox - just quietly healing and recovering,
pain is better now, swelling and discomfort reduced.

I am going to have 1 colonic session a week starting
Monday - need to help clean the system of all those
capsules and pills and tablets I've swallowed.
My body needs all the help it can get......
When I feel stronger and better in a few weeks,
I will do a Juice Feast - a longer one similar to
what I did a couple of years ago (40 days).....

For now, I need to stop focusing on what I put into
my mouth and begin reconnecting on a Spiritual level.
Pain, suffering, health challenges - keep repeating
themselves, heal then return after a while.....
I do not have the answers on why, what, how....
If these challenges still persist, they are here for a reason.
To push me further into transformation, to take me places
I haven't been before.....

There is only gratitude, acceptance, joy and love.....
And a need to reach out and touch the Divine once more.....
So I'll share with you whatever will flow.....
Scribbles for my journal like I did before......

Raw Challenge 21 - Day 10

2010-03-07T17:36:00.003Z

There is a routine that has been set up in the last

three days, one that I'm quite happy with.....

Green juice or green smoothie for breakfast,

a salad and crackers for lunch,

some fruit, or fruit roll, or a handful of nuts,

or a bar or cookie for a snack and then once again

a Green juice or green smoothie for dinner....

My intake of dehydrated goodies has reduced and

I am feeling much better eating more fresh foods,

less of sweets, less of nuts and more savory......

And the liquids for breakfast and dinner are an

excellent idea too.....I'm happy :-)

I made a delicious Vegetable Pilaf yesterday for my lunch
and I ate it with a small avocado/tomato/greens/hemp seeds/
walnuts/raisins Salad + tahini/orange juice Dressing.......

Vegetable Pilaf :

I used whatever vegetables I had in the fridge - carrots,
cauliflower and courgettes - processed them into tiny bits,
quite coarse......added garam masala, cumin powder,
sea salt, orange zest, finely chopped dates, tamarind,
fresh coriander, cashew nuts, olive oil......mixed it all
together and then warmed in the dehydrator for a couple
of hours - allowing all the flavors to blend together......

Oh yes, I also added some carom seeds, in India we call it
ajwain and it is helps to digest raw cauliflower :-)

I'm off to Paris tomorrow morning for 6 days
to take care of some health challenges......

I am taking some crackers, fruit rolls, vegetable crisps

and even some cookies - also my Vitamix blender - there is

no way I can do without my green juices and smoothies!!!

I feel very strong, calm and joyful within.......
And deeply grateful......for right here, right now, so precious......

Raw Challenge 21 - Day 7

2010-03-04T19:34:00.003Z

Day 6 :

Green Juice in the morning, then crackers with avocado/tomatoes

and a fruit roll for lunch, marinated warmed broccoli with

cashew cheese cream for dinner.....

I went through some kind of detox yesterday, slight headache,
body ache, fatigue and a general feeling of restlessness in the
body.......
So it was a quiet day, I spent a lot of it reading, meditating
and resting......just what we need sometimes, especially when
letting go of toxins and healing :-)

Day 7 :

Green smoothie for breakfast, wraps with avocado/cucumber/
red pepper and cashew cheese for lunch, strawberries and banana
with hemp seeds and almond flakes for dessert - and a green juice
for dinner tonight with maybe a cookie or two :-)

The wraps were made using juice pulp along with ground flax seeds
and a couple of spoons of pesto ( basil, pine nuts, garlic, lemon juice)
and they were soft and flexible but too thin - so I had to use two
per wrap......very delicious though :-)

I have bars, cookies and fruit leather in the dehydrator right now,
so who can resist a warm cookie? I've made them with almond,
coconut, hemp seeds, pumpkin and sunflower seeds, a drizzle of
date syrup, raisins and mashed bananas.....

There are also two kinds of fruit leather in the dehydrator now,
one with mango/pineapple/cardamom/cayenne pepper and
the other is bananas/strawberry/nutmeg......one golden yellow
and the other rose pink :-)

It is very interesting to observe oneself when going through
changes, transition or detox....the sensations in the body,
the feelings that come and go, the highs that make you feel
excited and sometimes even a bit hyper, then the flats and the
lows, the mind that becomes sharp and clear and penetrating
one day and then another it is dull and tired and slow....
And one can't take all this very seriously, it is too early in the
process - I am learning once again to watch and witness, to smile
and laugh at myself, to look at my moods and states, and to
simply go with the flow :-)

Raw Challenge 21 - Day 5

2010-03-02T20:26:00.001Z

Day 5 :

Green smoothie in the morning with bananas, strawberries,

spinach and romaine lettuce.....yum delicious!

A salad with a a couple of crackers for lunch and a cookie with

a spoon of homemade hazelnut/cashew cacao butter for dessert.

Some strawberries and lychees for a snack later on.

Tonight I am just having Green Juice for dinner, sipping it

while writing this post :-)

I made these cookies in a way that Trevor could eat them too.

He is diabetic and does not eat any sugars or sweeteners,

except for stevia.....

A cup of ground almonds, a cup of dried coconut, 2 teaspoons

of hemp seeds, 1/2 teaspoon of green stevia powder, a handful

of sultanas and a cup of blueberries pulsed in a blender till it

half mashed and juicy.........add a drizzle of coconut oil and

a sprinkle of cayenne pepper then mix it all together.......

Make round cookie shapes from this dough and dehydrate

for a a couple of hours - flip and dehydrate the other side for

another hour or so and the cookies are ready.....

The stevia, sultanas and blueberries were more than enough

to sweeten this cookie and I was very happy to see Trevor

enjoying them.....he rarely gets a treat of this kind unless

I make it for him with berries and stevia.......

I am amazed at how quickly serious craving for cooked food
goes away.....there is still the desire that surfaces time to time,
but it is like an old record playing in another room -something
present in the background but that has no power to impact
my present......I feel detached from this old song, but instead
very excited about the new music.....

I only slept for 4 hours last night - I remember that is exactly
what happened two years earlier during my 40 day Juice feast,
and being high raw for a month before and after......
The need for 8 hours of sleep faded away and most nights
4 or 5 hours were more than enough......
I felt hungry in the middle of the night, but surprisingly I was
yearning for fresh strawberries and cucumbers!!! :-)

Raw Challenge 21 - Day 4

2010-03-01T23:10:00.008Z

Mixed Vegetable Masala

Ouff!! Finally Day 4 :-)

I've been waiting for the first 3 days to pass.....I've always found

that those 3 days are crucial, they determine whether a detox

or diet or new way of eating, will continue or not.....

I doubt if I'll be able to blog every single day, but I'll try my best

to do it every second or third day at least.

Let me give you a quick review of -

Day 1 :

Green juice in the morning, a salad for lunch

and then I couldn't stop snacking on bars, cookies and

crackers - well, all of these were in the dehydrator

the whole night long, perfuming the entire house

and even tempting Trevor - so how was I to resist,

on my first day??!!! :-)

Day 2 :

Green smoothie in the morning, a couple of bars during the day,

and then a salad with crackers early evening.....

I cooked dinner for Trevor and Saatchi - made a vegetable curry

and gluten free mint and cumin rotis (flatbreads).....
It was tough cooking my favorite foods and not eating any,

but they enjoyed it so much, it was well worth it......

Day 3 :

Green juice in the morning and then I'm sure you can guess

what I made for lunch?? :-) I wanted my Indian meal too!!!

Mixed vegetable masala - fine chopped vegetables marinated with

lemon juice, cumin powder, cardamom, garam masala, dried mint

flakes, dessicated coconut, grated ginger, sea salt, cashew nut paste,

coconut oil, then laid out in a layer on trays and dehydrated
for a couple of hours - mmmm - the smell was divine....

In the evening I had a couple of bars and it was enough.....

The first two days were hard, but surprisingly there was a shift

on Day 3 - I began to feel that it was going to work out after all...

Day 4 : Today

Green smoothie in the morning, a salad (incorporating

the leftover vegetable masala) in the afternoon and

2 crackers with guacamole tonight, along with two cookies....

Oh well, its a bit later right now, and 2 more cookies :-)

I just made them today and they are yummy!!!!

If there are any left tomorrow, I'll take some pictures for sure!

I'm feeling good today - my skin is glowing, the eyes are clear

and brighter, I have more energy and somehow there seems to

be a huge amount of excitement....a kind of buzzzz....

I think the colonic I had this afternoon has definitely helped
with the detox too......

I'm having more dehydrated food than I'd actually like to - but

maybe that is normal in the first few days and hopefully it will

balance out soon.......

Susan at Rawmazing blogged about her winter Raw Challenge 21

and it is thanks to her that I have begun this challenge too....

I've loved reading through all her posts and her experience has been

a source of deep inspiration and strength for me.....
Thank you Susan, for your authentic writing, beautiful creative recipes
and your generous sharing.....

I am not 100% raw - there are certain Indian spices I use that are
probably roasted, I try and use organic nuts and seeds, but not
always raw.....and sometimes I also drink hot herbal teas.......

I'm happy about whatever percentage it works out - I'm enjoying
myself and this feels really good for me, just what I need right now.....

Juice Fast

2010-02-23T14:37:00.002Z

After 15 days of my Health and Fitness Plan,

I began a Juice Feast.....I had no idea how many days

I wanted to go on, I planned to take it one day at a time.

Well, it didn't last more than 2 and a 1/2 days :-)

I've done so many Feasts before, 40 days/10 days/ 5 days......

I thought it would be a piece of cake!!!

Specially as I was already eating so little, and having so many

liquids.....well I couldn't have been more wrong!

I was besieged by hunger pangs and I do know all about them,

I've experienced hunger so many times before and never suffered

as much from it as this time......

I couldn't sleep at all the first night - and the next morning,

I just felt so miserable - and it wasn't even Detox,

as physically I felt quite fine.....

Maybe it was just not the right time, enough to accept and move on :-)

I feel sad that these two days put me off track even with my
Health and Fitness Plan, that was going so well.....

I am giving myself a few days more to calm down, then slowly get back
on track and begin again....
Am I moving in circles, round and round?? No, somehow its alright.....
It is a Spiral, a dynamic Spiral and I feel grateful that we can begin
anew, every day, every minute, every single moment....

How wonderful is that??? :-)

HippieMom makes this gorgeous flavored Water,
it is a truly brilliant idea - I love it!!!
You can put anything from fruits to herbs, ginger,
lemon and even spices.....Classy for sure :-)
Thanks Hanane.....

Scribbles from my journal - 18

2010-02-17T00:46:00.010Z

in the silence of the night,
the only sound i hear
is the beat of my heart
beating loud and clear,
i sit and wonder,
and flow with the flow,
of the words that come
and the words that go......
the pleasure is in the flowing,
the satisfaction in the bowing,
to whatever arises,
whatever unfolds.....
enough to walk the way,
discover anew each day,
watch the sun rise and set,
trust life and simply accept.....
life knows what its doing,
the soul knows where its going,
all i need is to know this well,
know it in every pore and cell,
to feel the caress on my face,
of infinite love and eternal grace,
peace within, peace outside,
every wave i surf and ride,
there is one taste, only one,
in me and you, the moon and sun.......

Health & Fitness - Day 14 & 15

2010-02-14T00:06:00.002Z

First of all, deep thanks to HippieMom and to Kelli

for the Happy and Sunshine Awards......

Merci les filles ♥♥♥

It has taken me a while but I have posted and spread

the Happiness and Sunshine - I realized after doing it,

that I did it on my other blog The Healthy Plate instead

of here.....Having 2 blogs can sometimes get confusing!

Done is done, better done than none!! :-)

Food & Liquids :

Day 14 :

1 liter Juice - celery, cucumber, pear, kale, lime

1 liter water with green powder

1 big salad - greens, sprouts, apple, avocado

1 glass coconut water

1 liter water with green powder

Mixed vegetables with small portion of buckwheat pasta

1 cup tea - yogi cinnamon spice

Day 15 :

1 liter Juice - celery, cucumber, carrots,

orange, ginger, lime

1 liter water with green powder

2 wraps with salad filling

1 glass coconut water

1 bowl of Fruit and nuts with hemp milk

1 bowl of steamed broccoli/sweet potatoes

with coconut flax butter

1 liter water with green powder

1 glass Green Juice - apple, spinach, lime

I forgot to add the few spoons

of fish curry I had - made it for Trevor

and simply could not resist eating some of it

off his plate!!!

Today I've had a lot of food.....

I don't know if it is because of the intense

workout that I was constantly hungry,

or maybe because I'm liquid feasting from tomorrow,

so was trying to grab what I could today!!! lol :-)

Ah the mind and body work in mysterious ways,

and its wonderful to simply accept and let it all

unfold as it will, everyday.....

I usually have some Coconut Flax Butter,

in my fridge/freezer....it is high in Omega fats,

tasty and so simple to make.....

1 cup coconut oil

1 cup flax seed oil

3 slices of sun dried tomatoes

1 clove of garlic
1 tablespoon of very finely diced white onion

Herbes de Provence (dried mixed herbs)

sea salt

Process sun dried tomatoes,
garlic, herbs and sea salt.

Gently warm the coconut oil,
add the onions and saute lightly.

and add the processed tomato,
herb, garlic mixture to it.

Mix well till it is combined.

Let it cool and then

drizzle the flax seed oil
while stirring continuously.

Pour this oil mixture into ramequins

or a silicon ice cube tray.

Let it set in the fridge.

Use it on toast, steamed vegetables,
in soups and stews.
You can also freeze it and use it later......

I made another batch with
finely chopped fresh coriander,
mint, grated ginger, and grated lemon rind...

Like I mentioned earlier - I will be starting a Liquid feast
tomorrow, joining my dear friend HippieMom who is doing
the same from another part of the world....
We have not set a precise time frame - no idea how many
days this Feast will last....I'm just going to take it one day
at a time for now.....it could be 2 or 3 or 5 or even a week!!!
Maybe even more, I don't know :-)

Two years ago I did a 40 day Green Juice Feast......
and somehow right now, that feels totally surrealistic!!!
Completely crazy - lol
and yet, it was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life,
healing, transforming, spiritual - the best ever!!!!

Anyone else wants to join us??? :-)

Health & Fitness - Day 13

2010-02-11T20:39:00.002Z

Food & Liquids :

1 liter water with green powder
1 big Salad - avocado, tomatoes, greens, walnuts,
alfalfa sprouts and hemp seeds
1/2 liter water with lemon juice
1 pear and a handful of blueberries
1 bowl soup - broccoli, peppers, sprouted pulses
with a base of cashews, tamarind and spices
1 liter water with green powder

I got up very late this morning with all my muscles sore
and hurting from the workout at the gym yesterday.......
And I was starving, so instead of making juice I went ahead
and made a super nutritious Salad and dressing.......

Salad Dressing :

Juice of 1 Orange
juice of half a Lime
1 heaped teaspoon Tahini
1 heaped teaspoon Hemp seeds
sea salt, cayenne pepper to taste
a pinch of stevia (you can use a drizzle of honey or agave)

Blend all the above ingredients till smooth and Enjoy.....
This dressing was so tasty that I could have had it all
on its own, forget the salad!! :-)

I had a slight headache persisting all day long, I don't know
if it is Detox, or the freezing cold, or simply the beginning
of a migraine - I so hope not!!

I've been feeling very emotional since yesterday too,
connected to everyone, love overflowing
and one with the Universe and so on.....
Mind is clearing up too, the fog is being lifted......
My skin has improved a lot, Trevor told me that I was glowing,
now that kind of made my day :-)

One moment, just this one is enough.......

2010-02-11T00:03:00.002Z

mundane, trivial, ordinary routine,
a million things to do, a billion ways to be,
moving, running, walking, staring,
wake up, sleep, laugh and weep.......

where are we going, in such a hurry and rush,
what are we doing, in circles non stop,
we think, we feel, we imagine, we believe,
we fill our voids with everything we see.....

grasping, holding, clinging, reaching,
for the next experience, one more high,
we carry a baggage of the past and future,
while the present moment slips us by.......

yearning, longing, aching for elsewhere,
never satisfied with what is there,
right in front of us bright and clear,
while we prefer to rest in our fears.......

that little whisper, that soft calling,
a flame burning, a snowflake falling,
that precious smile, that gentle caress,
all that we ignore, instead of saying yes......

it takes one such moment, only one,
to change our lives and our precious world,
a moment we give all our attention to,
that moment is right here, right now, just.......

take a deep breath, deep deep deep,
till you touch your soul and begin to feel,
we are all connected, we are all one,
i am you and you are me......

Health & Fitness - Day 11 & 12

2010-02-10T20:40:00.003Z

Food & Liquids :

Day 11 :

1 liter Juice - celery spinach, apple, lime
1 liter water with green powder
1 big salad - greens, tomatoes, avocado, sprouts
1 glass coconut water
1/2 liter water with
1 glass blueberry and almond smoothie
1 bowl lentil and vegetable soup
1 liter water with green powder

Day 12 :

1 liter water with lemon juice

1 glass green smoothie

1 plate of raw zucchini pasta and cherry tomatoes
with homemade raw pesto ( basil/parsley/pine nuts
lemon juice/garlic/sea salt)
1 cup of detox tea
1 liter water with green powder
1 liter of Juice - celery, cucumber, carrots, kale, lemon, ginger
1 cup green mint tea

I've been all raw vegan today, gearing up for the liquid feast

that I will begin on the 14th, joining my friend HippieMom

who is a real source of inspiration and a constant support to me....

An amazing woman who radiates love and positive energy as easily

as she breathes......It will be fun to do this together with her :-)

I had a colonic on Monday and released a lot of bile and yeast,
I know my body is responding to this cleanse and it makes me
feel very motivated to continue....
Richard, my trainer at the fitness studio really pushed me hard
this morning - i dread waking up with sore muscles all over
tomorrow, and yet it felt so good and I was flying high after!!!!

Health & Fitness - Day 8. 9 & 10

2010-02-07T16:42:00.001Z

Food and Liquids :

Day 8 : Friday

1 glass coconut water

1/2 liter water with green powder
Thai vegetable curry with steamed rice
1 liter water
goats cheese salad, with bread
1/2 liter water with green powder

I fell off the wagon on Friday, had lunch at a Thai restaurant
and dinner at a French restaurant, and my cleansing flew out
of the window!!!
I realized that if I don't have Juice nor a smoothie
in the morning, it is harder to resist temptation during the day!

White rice and bread put a stop to my cleansing, I felt so sluggish
and heavy and began yearning for something really sweet.....
The cravings came back with a force!

One week of simplicity and clean food, less food, more energy
and then it takes a whole weekend to recover from rice and bread.....

Oh well.......

Day 9 - Saturday

1 liter water with lemon juice

1 liter Juice - celery, carrot, orange

1 plate of Fruit - strawberries, blackberries, blueberries

some Figs with a little goats cheese

1 glass coconut water

1/2 liter water with green powder

1 bowl of tomato and basil soup

1 cup green tea

Day 10 - Sunday

1 glass of coconut water

1 glass Green smoothie - bananas, spinach, almond milk

1 liter water with green powder

1 salad - avocados, greens, tomatoes, cucumber, walnuts, raisins

(this is my favorite salad, with olive oil and balsamic dressing)

1 glass coconut water

And tonight I'll be having - a bowl of vegetable soup.......

I'm feeling lighter today, the weekend of fruits and veggies

has got me back on track :-)

I'm off to spend the evening and night with my daughter,

Saatchi, she is 18 now and has her own studio flat in London.....

Where did time fly - when did she grow enough to live on her own???

It is going to be Mother Daughter time, so special, so precious :-)

Health & Fitness - Day 8

2010-02-04T21:43:00.002Z

Food and Liquids :

2 glasses Green smoothie - bananas, blueberry, kale

1 liter water with green powders

1 bowl of yellow lentils + vegetable soup

with a small serving of brown rice

1 glass coconut water

1/2 liter water with green powder

2 large glasses of nutrient dense Green smoothie

and I wasn't hungry till 5pm.

No desire for anything else tonight but some

coconut water and maybe some herbal tea later on......

There wasn't enough light to take a picture of my late lunch,
so I've just shared a glimpse of the goodies in my fridge......

Health & Fitness - Day 6 & 7

2010-02-03T21:07:00.002Z

Food and Liquids :

Day 6 - Yesterday

1 liter Juice - celery, pear, cucumber, parsley, lime

1 liter water with green powder

1 big salad with a piece of poached salmon

a handful of cherries

1 glass coconut water

1 liter water with green powder

1 bowl of mixed veggies with quinoa

1 cup of Yogi detox tea

No time yesterday to take any pictures or even blog,

I was occupied with some other things.......

Day 7 - Today

1 liter water with lemon juice

1 pear with almond butter

A wrap with salad filling

a small bowl of quinoa porridge,

with raisins and raspberries

1 glass coconut water

1 liter water with green powders

1 cup nettle and peppermint tea

I had to rush off this morning and had no time

for Juice!!!

My first session with a personal trainer at a

Fitness Studio here in Henley.....

It's been almost two years since I have done

any exercise or movement - so my body

was fast asleep, in deep deep slumber.....

Today it was awakened gently, but very firmly!!
It is wonderful to work with someone,
who perfectly understands where I am coming from,
where I want to go and also where I am at this present
moment - Richard, my personal trainer is a real find,
and I know I am going to enjoy working out with him......

I was starving by the time I got home and felt huge
pangs of hunger - all that physical effort on an
empty stomach probably has an effect like this?! ;-)

Now that I will be going to the gym and working out regularly,

I need to move a level higher with my cleansing and detox......

Breakfast - Liquids

Lunch - Balanced healthy solid meal

Snacks - Fruits, nuts, seeds etc

Dinner - Liquids

I have no desire to fix time frames at all,
this way of nourishing myself might last one week
or three weeks.....my body will know when to move on
to a Juice Fast for 3 to 5 to 10 days, who knows.....
right now I don't and I am very comfortable with that :-)

Health & Fitness - Day 5

2010-02-02T01:52:00.005Z

Food and Liquids :

1 liter Juice - celery, romaine, carrot, lime

1 bowl of Raw Ice cream - bananas, blueberries, almond butter

1 liter water with lemon juice

1/2 liter Juice - apple, spinach, lemon

1 small bowl mixed vegetable in coconut curry

1 jowar and rajgiri roti - sorghum and amaranth flatbread

1/2 liter water with green powder

This is seriously good stuff - easy to make and
sugar free, diary free, gluten free - simply fruit and
almond butter for a dollop of good fats and extra taste!

For the recipe, visit The Healthy Plate

Udo's choice is really the ultimate oil blend.

Perfect source of Omega fatty acids.....

I just bought a bottle today and will start

adding a spoon in my juice or salads or soups..........

I have not yet started seriously detoxing or cleansing

as I am gently transitioning.....I do not have the energy

for intense detox this time - so I'll take it slowly,

give myself a week or even two......and then I will

do a Juice feast :-)

Health & Fitness - Day 4

2010-01-31T22:48:00.000Z

Food and Liquids :

1 liter Juice - apple, spinach, ginger, lemon

1/2 liter water with green powder

1 bowl of Tofu and black eyed beans masala

1 big bag of curly kale crisps

1/2 liter water with lemon juice

1 bowl of Salad - avocado, romaine, tomatoes

with olive oil and lime dressing, nuts and seeds

1 glass almond milk and blueberry smoothie

1/2 liter water with green powder

I made kale crisps for the first time two years ago.
in my Excalibur 9 tray Dehydrator.....They got over in less than an hour.....like any other
tasty crisps, once you start eating you can't stop!!!

Today I made the kale crisps in the oven as my dehydrator
is not yet set up in our new home.
And they got over pretty quickly too - I did manage to take
some pics and also put some aside in a box for my daughter :-)

Kale has the highest nutrient density of all greens.
I use it in smoothies but I have never really enjoyed cooked kale
or kale in salads either.......
So crisps are a wonderful way of getting all those green nutrients
inside you in a way that is totally pleasurable!

I'll post the recipe and all the variations on my other blog
The Healthy Plate in a day or two......

Dry Skin Brushing

Dry Skin Body Brushing is yet another thing I began to do

two years ago.....this was a time of raw foods, live nutrition,

juice feasting, colonics, enemas, intense cleaning, healing,

regular blogging, poems and scribbles, and transformation.......

This brush is from Body Shop and it is quite suitable....

Brushing eliminates dead skin cells, stimulates the lymphatic

system, tones the muscles and tightens the skin......

but the best effect of all is that your skin becomes as smooth

and soft as baby skin!!

Here is a link that explains this Technique very well......

Enjoy!!!!

Health & Fitness - Day 3

2010-01-30T22:44:00.002Z

Food and Liquids :

1 liter Juice - cucumber, celery, carrots, kale, lemon, ginger

1/2 liter water with lemon juice

Salad - raw butternut squash, goats milk yogurt, cucumbers,

tomatoes, olive oil, sea salt, mixed herbs and chili flakes

Sandwich - spicy chickpea flour pancakes (besan ka chilla)

with tofu, apple, tomatoes, fresh coriander and sea salt

1 liter water with lemon juice

1 glass almond milk and blueberry smoothie with stevia

Bright sunshine in Henley today,
with blue skies and not a cloud in sight.
I felt like reaching out and embracing
the warmth and colors of India.
I wanted oranges and golden yellows,
pure whites and reds and a touch of greens......
Something fresh and light and clean,
so I could pretend it was the end of May,
the heat was on, we were waiting for monsoons! :-)

I walked for about half an hour with Trevor,

along the river Thames....such a boon that we now live

just five minutes away.....

We moved into this house just a month ago and it is
a pleasure to wander around discovering this small town.
It still feels a bit strange and new, and yet a subtle sensation
of belonging, feeling - This is my town now - and I am going
to live here, work here, make new friends here, be part of
the community, make a new life here......
After years of moving around - different countries, town
and houses - maybe we have finally found our place?

In the evening, I had an intense craving for something sweet.

A healthy muffin or a cake, a Quinoa coconut bar,

avocado chocolate mousse, a black eyed bean brownie?

Today is the third day without anything sweet,

apart from the orange, carrot, berries, bananas

in my juices or smoothies.....

Stevia is the only sweetener I will allow myself for a while,
it is a natural green leaf from the sunflower family,
that is zero calorie and has zero affect on blood sugar.
I use it in its crude green powder form, it is around
10- 15 times sweeter than sugar, but one has to use it
carefully, otherwise it leaves a slightly bitter aftertaste.....

Tomorrow I'll write about Dry skin brushing, three days
doing it and my skin feels soft and smooth and so clean,
I LOVE LOVE LOVE body brushing!!!!! :-)

Health & Fitness - Day 2

2010-01-29T22:58:00.005Z

Food and Liquids :

1 glass coconut water

1 glass spinach and banana smoothie

1/2 liter water with lemon juice

steamed sea bass fillet with tomato salsa and green salad

a handful of cherries and blueberries

1 liter water with lemon juice

red lentils, tofu and vegetable curry soup

1 cup dandelion and mint tea

Green smoothies are a wonderful way to start the day.

They are easy to digest and easily assimilated.

A complete high nutrient food that keep you going

till lunch, and you won't even taste the spinach!!

Smoothie :

Blend together in a high speed blender -
1 ripe Banana
A big handful of fresh Spinach
1 glass of chilled water
a pinch of sea salt
1 teaspoon of almond butter (optional)
1 teaspoon hemp powder (optional)

Almond butter adds the good fats.
and hemp powder is the perfect protein.

I had lunch at a restaurant "Brasserie Gerard" today,

their steamed sea bass was beautifully done,

the tomato salsa added just the right touch and flavor,

and the dressing on the salad was light and lemony.....

I wish I'd taken my camera, it looked quite pretty too!

I am exhausted tonight, was on my feet for 3 hours shopping for furniture.....

So, even though it was rush rush this morning and I didn't have

the time to do Surya Namaskar, all the walking I did at Ikea

hopefully made up for it.....

Right now I am aiming to get some movement, any movement.....

Next week I have an appointment for a session at a fitness studio

with a personal trainer - now that will take it to another level for sure :-)

Health & Fitness - Day 1

2010-01-28T21:28:00.002Z

Food and Liquids :

1 glass coconut water

1 liter juice - cucumber, celery, carrot, romaine, lemon

1/2 liter water with lemon juice

1 romaine lettuce wrap, with tomatoes, sun dried tomatoes,

avocado, walnuts and tahini, honey, orange juice dressing

A handful of lychees

1/2 glass coconut water

1/2 liter water with lemon juice

1 bowl steamed broccoli and sweet Potatoes with Quinoa

1 cup nettle and peppermint tea (nettle is high in iron)

I get organic coconut water from the health food store here,

it is a bit expensive but it tastes like fresh coconut water from India,

and I am addicted, what to do? :-)

Sometimes I make my juice in the Green Star juicer - other times,

I use the Vitamix Blender with a nut milk bag for straining.

Cucumber and celery form the base of almost all my juices,

cucumber is hydrating and celery has natural organic sodium.

Romaine lettuce has fast become one of my favorite greens,

and I discovered that like kale and spinach, it is also very nutrient dense.

There is a farmers market in Henley on certain Thursdays and Sundays.

I bought lychees and cherries, red cabbage, broccoli,

two beautiful bunches of curly kale and some goats cheese for Trevor.

I love buying fresh and local (it is not always local though)
produce from farmersmarkets......everyone is quite friendly
and chatty and they take their time
to talk about their products - no rush, no hurry!!!

Supplements :

For now I am taking Iron, Probiotics, Vitamin B12 and two herbal remedies,

for healing......

I will be adding more supplements as days go by....

My Daily Ritual :

1) Dry skin body brushing and contrast showers.

Oh I really can't understand why I stopped dry brushing for a while,

it is pure pleasure and feels so good!!!

2) Surya namaskar - yoga

I haven't done yoga for almost 25 years now, so I am starting with

just surya namaskars for now.....and I only managed to do 2 today!!

Its a beginning.....

I put on music and danced while doing stuff in the kitchen,

it counts as movement too and it was such fun, I'm going to do it everyday :-)

Health & Fitness Journey - To Bloom Again.....

2010-01-28T00:47:00.013Z

Two years ago, January 2008 - I began a 40 day Juice Feast.
I wrote about it everyday on this blog.
A journey of discovery, self knowledge and transformation.
One of the most incredible adventures of my life......
(Look up the blog archives - Jan/Feb 2008)

I made many new friends, partners and companions on this path.....
sharing together our experiences, our healing, our love and our learnings.
This was the true blessing......the coming together in a common circle.

My long list of physical problems, my health challenges
began to slowly fade away and I felt fit and healthy.
It lasted a few months, it was such a grace......

Then life caught up with me, turned my world upside down,
so many changes, instability, insecurity.....
Lots to deal with......
Movement is good, but constant movement is sickening......
It makes you lose your ground and your center,
unbalances your body and the past dis-eases creep back into your life.......
And such is life, life is such......stuff happens :-)
The journey back to my center, to my core
and to a place of health and fitness has been slow and long.
I am unwell now and really need to turn this over -it is Priority!!!!
I've done it once, nothing stops me from doing it again!

Time to begin once more......

My goals for this journey are :

1) To Cleanse and to Heal - migraines, fibromyalgia,
asthma, fibroids, thyroid imbalance etc......

2) To get Fit and feel Strong - get rid of my severe anemia,
I am so tired of feeling tired all the time!!!!

3) To Lose Weight - that I have put on in this past year,
mainly because - first, I have been recuperating from a surgical
intervention - secondly, my severe anemia
has prevented me from doing any exercise and third,
because of thyroid imbalance that slows down the metabolism!

4) To be Truly Healthy -
which is not simply an absence of pain or fatigue,
but of feeling energetic, vibrant, dynamic and joyful
in every cell and pore of the body......
I know what it feels like, I've tasted it before.....

I will be posting everyday on this blog -
my daily routine and all that I do,
what I feel and experience too.
The supplements I take, the cleansing and exercises I do,
the food I eat and the changes I go through.....

Sharing it all with you.......

I will also post the recipes of the food I eat,
on my other blog The Healthy Plate.

I am so excited - tomorrow it begins :-))))

Song

2009-12-10T02:33:00.004Z

there is a song in my heart tonight,
it swirls and sparkles, shines and lights.....
a song that fills
every corner and space,
my cells, my pores,
my eyes, my face,
a song of love, of joy and grace....
it flows in tune,
to a music of its own,
and beats a melody,
in my flesh and bones,
i dance in wonder,
let go and breathe,
smiling and laughing,
i follow my feet.......
there is a song in my heart tonight,
life is a blessing, the world is bright........

Scribbles from my journal - 17

2009-11-14T10:03:00.006Z

storm here, poured all night,
wind gales and strong rain,
i tossed and turned,
my sleep ran away......
something stirred within,
restless, waiting,
my heart beat in rhythm
to the universe breathing.......
something flowed within,
in rivers of trust and grace,
the wind seeped through,
like a lover, caressed my face.......
i melted, i dissolved, i only existed,
in rivulets, brooks and streams,
i poured hard, i moved fast,
to meet the ocean of my dreams,
one with the waves,
in still deep waters,
i rested and slept in peace......

Wondering.......

2009-09-30T16:02:00.018+01:00

all paths lead to the center,
all experiences show the way,
of how we are meant to be......
i wonder - why then do we doubt,
instead of reaching out....
embracing, including others,
and journeying in joy together?

all the cells in our body change,
every 7 years our body renews,
not a single cell remains the same.......
i wonder - who are we?
who is it we hold on to so tightly?
why do we resist the flow,
when what has been, always goes?

there is no lack, nothing missing,
everything is as it should be.....
i wonder - what are we looking for,
all the time, high and low,
when we are already ashore....
why do we yearn, ache and long,
instead of simply singing our song?

i have wondered before,
i wonder again,
i knew the answers before,
yet i question again.......
it is a spiral we evolve upon,
and often i need to remember,
for often i forget as i walk on........

Sleepless at 2 am

2009-09-21T02:11:00.004+01:00

the window is open
outside and in,
a bus on the road,
is a cell moving within,
where do i stop,
where do you begin?
is there a boundary,
separating me from this world?
or is it an illusion,
we refuse to give up?

time after time,
the same lesson learned
swirling up a spiral
of death and rebirth......
in this moment,
just as it is,
the uni-verse calls
and brings me to it,
this "it" which has
no need for a name,
it quietly lights,
and ignites the flame......

in my heart and mind,
body and soul,
all is one,
and as one flows..........

Listening......

2009-09-19T23:26:00.007+01:00

life brings you in touch with your innermost needs
and aspirations in the most incredible way......

the divine moves and talks to you all the time,
through each encounter, every event, each and every day.........

it is as if the universe and every little bit in it answers your call......

if only we opened our hearts and really listened,
there would never be a sense of loneliness or lack at all........

Position

2009-09-16T22:29:00.000+01:00

What you see depends upon where you are standing when you look at it.

I've been reflecting on how the position I operate from totally influences my perspective on things, people and the world.

Am I functioning from an inner state, or what I call "position" of Fullness or Lack?

And the difference between the two makes all the difference in life........

Creation......

2009-08-31T18:46:00.007+01:00

song by song, wave by wave,

dance with me night and day,

hear the music i hear, feel the moves i feel,

together we'll find our way........

i hold and bestow all melodies,

i flow in this river that flows,

throw your rays upon my path,

let me shine bright in your glow.......

you are the purusha witnessing life,

i am the swirling shakti,

step by step and beat by beat,

we become shiv parvati.......

the earth our ground, the sky our home,

the ocean our playing field,

with our smiles and grace, this world is born

as we love and sow our seeds.......

Letting go.......

2009-08-27T20:11:00.018+01:00

this is a time of break ups and breakthroughs,

of closing old books that are read and done,

chisel away what is no longer essential,

embrace the story that has begun......

rusted patterns of hurt and dismay,

a loop going round and round,

sometimes one needs to slash it all,

and patiently wait for rennaisance.....

some who we think are close to us,

are sometimes not which is alright too,

it is not always about working on oneself,

sometimes one needs to simply cut through......

never easy to let go of people,

always believed i had to try more,

i resisted and i persisted,

sometimes it is wiser to walk out the door.......

i can choose to learn my lessons,

through joys instead of pain,

growth lies in sunny moments,

not always in cold and rain.......

sometimes one needs to say no,

make space for the yes to flow,

no to connections with no aspirations,

yes to the ones that make you soar.........

Find your Place

2009-08-24T21:33:00.008+01:00

a subtle sensation of peace, a slight quiver of joy

a solid feeling of calm, a smile smiling all day......

i ask myself why? how is it possible to wake up

and from beginning to end, feel this way?

anger flashes yes of course

irritation is sometimes galore

a tightness in the being at times

even moments when love is hard to find......

yet, i have understood one thing if not more

a realization that seeps deep into my core

if you accept sadness, anger, whatever, the moment it arises

it simply flows through you and leaves you with no crises.......

life brings you a rich palette of emotions that pass

if you let go of all judgements, embrace them and dance

then all life and every experience becomes beautiful to behold

you rub your hands in glee and laugh at all that unfolds.......

you come back again and again to your inner center

this sweet soft shining heart that is strong and tender

you get back in touch with love that never went away

and in this world, with all you love, you find your glorious place.......

For Fleur.......

2009-08-09T16:57:00.016+01:00

This journey towards healing and transformation
began almost two years ago.
The seeds were sown......something began to grow......
Territory unknown, walk your own path,
create as you go......

Up and down, round and round,
learn the lessons again and again,
in a new way.
A spiral, not a circle.......

Even healing and being at-ease,
free of dis-ease......is a path.

Not a goal to achieve......

Free from even the idea of Freedom??
Yes, ride on and see.......

Raw - 100, 80, 60, 50 who knows.......
stopped counting a long time ago.

Green juice remains a friend fidele.
Nuts, seeds, loads of greens......
Some cooked, even fish and eggs occasionally,
legumes and beans.....

I hold lightly this path, no concepts or "ways to be"
embracing whatever unfolds is the key......

46 in two months and changing careers.
A new passion, new path, new work,
moving on, letting go of old fears......

Meeting people at the point they are,
leading them gently to where they want to be.
"A Healthy Plate" launches in a few weeks......

Now in food creating,
food styling and food photography,
I am focused, involved and totally crazy about!!!!

Blossoming, Blooming, with love
and things I love to do,

I become a Fleur......too........:-)))))))

Scribbles from my journal - 16

2008-10-24T17:56:00.008+01:00

detox.......

thoughts rise to the surface

clouding the mind

with inessentials,

a little bit of this and a little bit of that

takes up all my attention....

feelings occupy too much space

leaving none for intuition,

emotions emerge from the past

pulling me in many directions.....

a sense of solitude and aloneness

envelops me in a tight embrace,

i begin to believe for a few moments

i am disconnected

from divine love and grace.....

an ache a longing a burning

a yearning

fills my every cell and pore,

flows through the body as pain

and almost touches my core......

i sit still for hours

letting it go

letting it happen,

witnessing this detox all over once more.......

two days later, feeling cleaner and cleansed

i wonder what that drama was all about,

why every time it happens

why every time i get caught......

sipping my green juice

soothing and lovely,

i feel grace touch me again

and i know it never left me.......

perhaps the next or next or next time around

i'll have less to let go

and less to clean,

my body and mind

will be integrally transformed

totally healed and free of dis-ease........

A big moment of Gratitude :-)

2008-10-13T17:17:00.014+01:00

i am grateful........

for green juices, sunshine in london, for moments of rest, for mom who is the best, peppermint tea, all the smiles received, to helena who is always there with a soul that cares, for the breath i take, for the love i make, to uj who radiates light and almost everyday brightens my life, to sri aurobindo and ramanna maharishi, no words would ever express adequately.....

for my brother who rocks, for eckart tolle talks, the books i read, for those i keep, to lynn bell, teacher and guide who helps me constantly find my light, to julia my friend, precious angel who heals - gives me all the essential keys, for passing clouds who whisper to me, for all the marvels i see, for the words that flow, and the heart that knows......

for cherries, blueberries and custard apples, to kate my goddess - for constant care and support, indukins my friend forever, even though i see him almost never!! for the green revolution, for all the solutions - to problems that exist only in my mind, to carrie, shell, suki, poppy, for jenny, ben, kristen, lindsay, for all blogging partners who make my day, for music and melodies, for the colors of fall, and to blissfilled rafique, who never fails to call, every single year on my birthday........

for rain who is dear, never mind she is far or near, for sangeeta who has come back into my life, made me smile and grin wide :-)
for my ex electronic car - le petit strawberry, to serge and luisa for divine grace and beauty, for red earth, peacocks and banyan trees, for all the joyful moments spend in your company vani .......

for baoji and maman, my nana and nani, for all the family in mumbai, paris or dubai, for almonds and pistachios, elixirs and smoothies, my health that is improving day by day miraculously, for internet and mails, for spinach and kale, and all the vegetable curries that i make in a hurry, for v my first love who i will always love unconditionally......

for walks by the river, all the sessions cleaning my liver :-) for drives through richmond park, stealing kisses in the dark, to bombay, lucknow, delhi, paris, to auroville, bangalore and london for the wealth, richness and abundance, for the love that pours all the time, for trust, acceptance, grace, and the grit to walk the line.......

to hayet, julie, angele and caroline, to sheila, marion, valentina and janie, for all the teachings, i hold you incredible women in my arms, you are shakti - loving and strong........

i am grateful......

to saatchi, joy of my life

and to trevor, for a life divine............

Sunshine, Hair Care and Sune......

2008-10-10T19:14:00.006+01:00

London - bright sunshine and blue skies.....glorious, gorgeous, great!!!

I went strolling on the high street, sat in a cafe and had carrot-celery-fresh mint juice, browsed in a bookstore and bought a couple of second-hand books, as well as coconut butter, brazil nuts and alfalfa sprouts from my favorite health food store......

Walking back home, I stopped at a hairdressers boutique for a shampoo and blow dry.

A young Danish hairdresser called Sune was the man of the day for me.....

He was radiant and open, open and flowing....filled with light that he generously shared through his words, smiles and gestures.....

Completely authentic......

I walked out of there feeling like a billion bucks - not only because he was highly competent at making me look good, but because he naturally knew how to make me feel good inside too, he knew how to add value to the moment, to our encounter - genuinely, just by wholly and truly Being who he was....

We talked and connected - it was easy - a simple being to being sharing, enriching......

Thank you Sune, Being of Light, you are a gift :-)

I believe "making others feel good" is a practice that can become perfect with more practice till it becomes our nature to truly listen, give a smile, make a kind gesture, say something nice - to a lot of people we come across or run into......
They in turn feel good, they leave you with a smile too and a lighter step and pass along that feeling to others.....

Ripple by ripple the energy expands and grows......

Being open and flowing is the direct opposite of living in fear or with judgements.

Once we let go of our hesitations, our distrust, our labeling.....our fears of being misunderstood or disillusioned, being let down or rejected......once we move beyond our own silly mind games and complicated inner jargon......and simply "be present" - free to relate, connect, link, bond, unite, touch, move, embrace, hug, laugh - our hearts open up and begin flowing.....

The world becomes a brighter place......and the people we encounter Light Beings.....

Scribbles from my journal - 15

2008-10-08T19:13:00.008+01:00

message from another passing cloud to me:

be not the mental noise, be the stillness from where it emerges,

you are not your thoughts, just let them come and go......

be not the anger that arises, ask who is it that is angry?

who is sad ? who is it that weeps and feels so low?

be the screen on which colors move and dazzle

simply be the field where all the ideas grow.....

seek not your self in the waves big or small

that dance and clash against the shores

be the deep ocean where it all takes place

be the space from where it all flows...........

A Blast from the past and Vijay.....

2008-10-05T11:57:00.009+01:00

A precious friend walked back into my life after 22 years and has touched me once again with his presence.....

Thank you, for being who you are,

This is for you........

Vijay is a hindi word that means Being Victorious........

* Vijay flows from Who you are Being at any given moment......

This is the base, the source from which all emerges. What you want, what you do and how you do is all dependent on Who you are......

* It is a decision, an engagement, a commitment - to Being true to your self, in any situation or circumstance and regardless of how the Universe unfolds around you.

It is about consistently choosing wholeness and integrity, and responding from this position of Being fully and truly Who you are - to whatever you encounter......

* It is a mind-set, an attitude, a state - of Trust, Active Acceptance and Gratitude.

From trust comes the ability to perceive the world truly, from acceptance comes a letting go of all resistance and rigidity, from gratitude flows grace and grit.......

Being Centered in this state, having this attitude, functioning from this mind-set - means Vijay in your life.......

* It is an understanding, an awareness - of Who you are beyond your stories, your personality, your likes and dislikes, your beliefs and your behavior.

It is consciousness of your true Self - it is the recognition of your Original Face - it is the realization that being Victorious means being One with all......

* Above all - Vijay is all about Love .........

Love is the key to Being Victorious, to being able to move through and beyond - Cancer, Depression, Ignorance, Confusion, or Emptiness, whatever - to a place where all is possible, where all is Light and where all is only another name for your own Self.......

Silence, Slow Flow, Juice Feasting........

2008-10-03T01:13:00.014+01:00

After almost four months,
the words are moving.
Slowly, softly, taking tiny steps towards completing a sentence.
I pause and hold still, breathing gently......

I don't know if this is the start of another writing spree.
Am I going to continue posting, write every or every other day?
Or is this just a one off?
Not a clue.......

Out of practice is out of flow.
Even my journal hasn't seen a single word.
At least my blog has had company - of Silence.

Things have happened. As they do.

The mind has thought, the heart has felt.
The soul has wondered, smiled and slept.....

Amidst faint sounds of traffic,
and as darkness falls,
it awakens once again,

I hear its call......

God knows where this scribble is going, She alone knows.

I'll just continue juice feasting,
For another day.
Maybe more...........

Something new, Somewhere new...........

2008-06-14T02:12:00.009+01:00

i miss india, very much.......

all the myriad contrasting scenes, the sandalwood and saffron next to garbage heaps, the sound of temple bells and the shout of a street vendor who sells, oranges, bananas or milk and tea........the smell of spices floating, the perfume of jasmine tempting, the early morning stillness, the evening buzz and crazy traffic jams.......

most of all i miss the sense of belonging, the familiar, the known..........

i'm in london now and i spent the first day moaning, groaning, thinking - what the bleep am i doing here again???

and feeling angry, irritated, frustrated - my work was working out in india but i came back to london with trevor - because his work didn't work out over there......

grateful, so grateful that it lasted less than a day really, got very intense in the evening and pretty much faded out before sleep........

grateful that trevor kept his center and didn't react to my anger, didn't take it personally, simply listened and let me rant and rave for a while.......knowing me well enough to know that it would pass very quickly.......and that i would return home to calm and peace.......

grateful that even though i don't know what i am doing here for now, i will in time, doors will open and my small new steps will reveal new paths .......

i am not interested in analyzing, explaining away or seeking meaning, trying to grasp or cling to some intellectually satisfying answers......

the answers will come if they will, right now i have let go of even all questions.........

the only way out is through......

so to simply fall still, be in the present and do what needs to be done......

for the last couple of days i have been out and about, apartment hunting - and as my perspective shifts from "this is not where i want to be" to "this is the perfect place to be simply because this is where i am right now" - london begins to open up and charm me once more, people smile more often, the sun shines and plays hide and seek, and i feel something nameless, strong and sweet, holding trevor's hand and walking down the streets............

Why, What and What for? ....... Ssshhhhhh

2008-05-28T19:57:00.011+01:00

London - Mumbai - Pune - Mumbai - Chennai - Pondicherry - Chennai - Mumbai - Pune - Mumbai - London - Paris - Mumbai - Pune - Mumbai - Pune - Bangalore - Pune - Bangalore - Pune - Mumbai -

I am in Paris right now and in a few days I will be in London once again.........

After almost three months of constant movement, I am almost back to where I started.......

There are two things I am learning during this experience, this journey to my country and back; - to let go of all attachment to what I want and don't want, my desires, my dreams, my plans....

- to let go of the need to make sense of whatever unfolds, of trying to find meaning in whatever is happening.......

I know it will change again, but for now, this is where I am, where I need to be, learning to let go completely.....

Life is taking Trust, Acceptance and Gratitude to a new level for me now - and sure, it is not easy.......

I cried all day yesterday........felt like I was going through another dark night of the soul - feeling miserable, lost, tired, nothing to hold on to, unable to see ahead - no energy, no excitement, just an emptiness and despair.........

I felt broken.........

I guess sometimes we need to really break, to feel completely lost before something new and beautiful is found again.......

Total Surrender......Total Trust, Acceptance and True Gratitude..........Fully Living in the Here and Now..........

I have not been feeling quite well either these last few weeks, some of my old symptoms are back again - just one more phase of integral healing, all levels, all aspects........

I feel fragile, vulnerable, open, so open, I feel almost raw........and yet, something filled with strength and a force that is soft and sweet and light and lit, seems to be flowing through my being, awakening and brightening, slowly.......

Trevor is in London, setting up our new life there.......

So, it will be a new job for him, a new apartment in a new part of London for us, and who knows, maybe a new work and a new path for me too????

The new life is not waiting out there, the incredible breath-giving new world is not somewhere not reached yet........

It is right here, right now, where I am..........

And I'm dancing again.......

No terms and conditions on joy and happiness, everything is perfectly as it is and it is perfectly as it should be.........

So, London, here I come once again :-)

Scribbles from my journal - 14

2008-05-07T01:54:00.004+01:00

this journey of transforming my blood, my body and self - is happening on different levels - letting go of all the muck inside is not only about yeast and fungus.....

it is about old dead emotions and pains, about out-dated and out-grown ways of thinking and feeling too.....

it is about learning to function from a new position and to move with a different energy.....

one skip, one hop at a time, little by little......

it is not just my will or aspiration that leads anywhere......

there is nothing i have to "make" happen, i simply have to "let" it happen and happening it is, always already :-)

i feel from within that i am going to heal, to be whole.....deeply, so deeply.......

there is a quantum shift in the making here, a quantum leap into some place new, some way new and it is very very exciting.....

only glimpses, little windows that open on to the big picture.......

there is a certitude that every step of this journey, of this path is an incredible blessing ......and that it is leading to something so marvelous and breath-giving.....

and there it is waiting for me.......

like layers being peeled off, something new is born and emerges every moment in this process.....

i don't know the what, why, where and when of this that is so beautifully unfolding, moment to moment, softly, gently, strongly.......

all i know is that.......it is the flowing, the moving, and the spiral dancing that matters......

right here, right now.......

Living in the Here and Now :-)

2008-05-06T08:28:00.005+01:00

I'm in Bangalore right now and I'm falling in love with this city all over again :-)

It is so green, the weather is fantastic, the people are warm and beautiful, there are coconut sellers at almost every corner and street and Juice shops in every block - what more can one ask for?

Its been one crazy ride the last few weeks. Nothing works out as imagined, planned, decided - each day brings a surprise, a huge "letting go" which is then followed by new insights, perspectives and awareness........

We have no home at the moment, we don't even know where we will settle down and when.....this is really a period of transition and waiting.......

Its not always easy as the mind is conditioned to a need for security and certainty - so to remain joyful and centered in the midst of insecurity and uncertainty, demands an almost incredible moment to moment practice of total trust and acceptance and a warrior like stance of calm flexibility........

Flowing with whatever life unfolds day to day without becoming attached to what I think I want, or what I feel is right, is very liberating - it has come to the point where when things don't work out as I want - I get even more excited - I rub my hands in glee and say "Ok, not this, then what next?" :-)

I am learning all the time to hold my own thoughts, feelings, wants, desires very lightly.....no holding on tightly, no clinging, no grasping.......

Simply letting go, breathing deeply and smiling, whatever happens or not........

Living life, in the Here and Now........is a very powerful practice.......

I am deeply grateful as I am not alone, Trevor and Saatchi are learning each day the same practice too, and we support each other and mirror Joy for one another.....

A real blessing........

I'm staying at a hotel in Bangalore right now, I don't have my Vitamix with me - I have one small cooked vegan meal a day and the rest of the time it is coconut water, coconut meat, fresh fruits and juices, as well as around 3 to 4 quarts of alkaline water with green powder.....

I haven't had green juices or salads for a week now but that will change soon hopefully......

I'm very surprised that I haven't put on any weight since the end of my juice feast on the 11th of February, in fact, I've lost another couple of pounds......

I've had two colonics in the last month in Pune and I have another scheduled for Friday this week.....

I will write more about this after my next session.........

Tomorrow it is back to Pune for a week - after that, I don't know......

I'll let you know when I know......

Till then - much love and warm sunshine.......

xxx

Bangalore - Flaming trees, Juice junctions and Coconut heaps......

2008-05-06T06:46:00.028+01:00

Emotional Freedom and Vast Wide Spacious.........

2008-04-25T10:38:00.008+01:00

These past few weeks have been a rollercoaster ride into a world full of ups and downs, high excitement and low blue moods, heart melting smiles, soft strong passion and moments of wild crazy fun too......

There is a genuine need for relationships that are free from demands, obligations, subtle manipulations, unconscious dependency or approval needs, impositions and melodrama, over-sensitivity and taking everything personally, making mountains out of molehills.....

I am in the process of changing the way I relate to people, letting go of old exhausting patterns and functioning in a new way, from a new inner position.......

This is not a piece of cake and I've been through some pretty rough moments lately, and yet......amidst all of this chaos and pain, what emerged like a precious gift, was a certainty that relating and connecting with others even with a small dose of old world ways - makes me literally sick now!!!!

Emotions can be as sticky as glue and so so heavy - I want to transform existing relationships and build new relationships, that are not based on Emotional Feeding, that are free from this glue, this heavy inert dead spread!!

I want connections that are clean, pure, honest - relationships that are light and free and alive and breathing, wide, vast, spacious, loving and compassionate......

Love that is not confused with sentiments or expectations - Compassion that truly respects and is first of all true to one's own self.........

Ah, a lifetime of learning and the new world unfolds every single day :-)

I got married to Trevor in a simple Hindu ceremony on the 21st of this month, I've had my first colonic experience in India, I'm working on some super raw Indian food, etc etc.......

There is so much to tell and share, many pictures to post and I'm going to do some over the weekend......

I've missed you all very much, loads of love and hot bright sunshine,

xxx Neeta

A note of thanks to my brother.......

2008-03-27T16:52:00.004Z

My time of the month again, and pain pain pain, same old same old, some things are simply going to take longer to enter the new world......

And yet, right now, right here - a gift bestowed that makes me smile and the pain fades, a little and then a little more......

I'm listening to my brother's music, he recorded the first draft of his new album, its beautiful, real groovy and very graciously puts this pain away into the background where it loses its hold on me.....bringing forward a fountain of champagne like bubbles, lifting me high, high, higher......

I feel lighter, freer and so grateful once again......

I love the sound of the flute, it empties me out of what is not essential and fills me up with flow......

For every barrier, every obstacle, every ache and every pain, there is also something that can dissolve the knot, something that can soothe and ease, something that can melt the block and gently heal......

Two sides of the same coin, a question of finding out what works for each one of us in our own situations......

There is always a key somewhere that opens a closed door and lets the light in to brighten our lives and make us glow.......

Thanks bro, you seriously rock :-)

We are like that only..........

2008-03-24T19:51:00.020Z

India, vibrant, dynamic, alive.......

The warm sunshine and the blue skies, the rain tempests and the desert storms, the noise and pollution of the cities, the incredible green of the rice paddies, the coconut trees and the concrete jungles, the easy smiles and the dramatic emotions, the songs and the dances, the tempting aromas of its cooked foods and the smelly odors of its overflowing garbage dumps......

A country of sharp contrasts and gentle contradictions, where the yes often means a no and the no even more often is a yes.........

No way to define it or limit it with words, a place where the map is never ever the territory, in fact, there rarely ever is a map to begin with in the first place........

In every big or not so big town and city of India, you can find McDonalds, Pizza Huts, Dominos Pizzas, KFCs, Ice Cream Parlours, Coffee and Cake shops.

There are huge air-conditioned shopping malls with all the latest international brands available in smart designer boutiques, and an entire floor that is a food court filled with every kind of fast and processed junk food you can think of, American, Chinese and Indian!

Adults and children walking around, sitting, sprawled, eating and eating and eating some of this and some of that and then some more......

Diabetes is rampant, even children are beginning to suffer from it now, heart attacks attack younger and younger men everyday, cancer has become a word known to all......

Stomach ache, acidity and constipation is more common than common cold, joint pains and chronic fatigue are a constant part of day to day life......

It has always been said that "Ignorance is Bliss"........ but once you awaken from your follies than you feel not only your own pain more acutely, but the pain of another becomes even more real to you than your own........

So my heart broke a few times this time in India.........

But if there are many who line up to eat junk food, there are as many who are conscious that this way of eating is what is causing them some serious health problems too!

And when you share with them that the food they eat not only affects their physical health, but also their mental clarity and emotional states, it makes perfect sense to them - no need to argue and spend ages trying to convince them......

In fact, they are ready and happy to learn and to try out new foods, how wonderful is that? :-)

One thing I learnt very clearly these last few weeks is that sustainable change needs to happen one step at a time, that new and different ways of walking and dancing have to be integrated slowly......with care, with respect......and without rush........

One has to be very attentive and go with the flow and the level of readiness of the people, instead of imposing, pushing or giving more information than they want to receive, thus creating resistance in them!

A green juice in the morning, a smoothie as a pudding, more water and less sherbets, flax oils instead of refined oils, steaming instead of frying, dates or honey instead of white sugar, nuts and seeds instead of chips and biscuits, one cooked meal a day instead of two, more variety of healthy whole flours instead of white and refined.......

So many ways to begin a radical transformation, a quantum change made with small leaps and tiny jumps........

I bought a book at the airport in Mumbai on my way to Chennai/Pondicherry/Auroville.

It is called "We are like that only" and it is a study of the consumer trends and attitudes in India.

I love the title of the book, it is apt and suitable in so many contexts related to Indian people......

"we indians are like that only, we are open and willing, we'll accept raw foods and green juices in our lives but how can you expect us to only drink juices without eating, one day or one week is enough but 92 days, what, you think we are rishis or yogis or something? and to give up our wholesome vegetarian food? even ayurvedic food is cooked, so don't forget, everything is not bad, you should not become rigid, so of course of course, we should not eat fried foods or sweets, if you say milk is bad now, then we will only use a teaspoon in our tea and also take stevia instead of sugar, and we will only eat homemade yogurt and eat no ghee, now the zucchini pasta you made was very good so maybe we can use that tasty pesto sauce on our toast instead of butter, i can't believe there is spinach in this smoothie, i can only taste the banana, how is this possible, you must teach me more of this raw foods definitely......but tonight i need my rice and dal and vegetable curry, what to do, we are like that only........"

This could be a mixed masala of my Mom in Mumbai and my Aunt in Pune :-)

I am very proud of them because they have both begun to change their lives so quickly, I feel immense admiration and respect for the determination and discipline they show, their genuine interest in learning new ways of nourishing themselves and their families......

I feel very grateful.......

I am filled with excitement - I know that India is ready and waiting........and that I am going to have so much fun and fulfillment in helping people to hydrate hydrate hydrate and to drink pure liquid sunshine in the form of green juices, to eat healthier, eat less, eat prana rich foods......

To feel as vibrant, dynamic and alive, as the land they live and breathe upon......

Peacocks, Papayas and Pondicherry.......

2008-03-22T21:24:00.005Z

Home again, London for now but not for too long.......

I apologize for the haphazard way I have laid out these pictures, but with my zero skills I'm glad I even managed to post them :-)

Ah yes, I forgot my camera in India so the rest of the pictures, of Pune and Mumbai, will be posted when I get back there in a couple of weeks.........

Daily breakfast in Auroville with friends, a fruit salad in a gorgeous setting.....

Being in Auroville and Pondicherry felt like I had come home - I so love this place :-)

MatriMandir - The temple of the universal Mother......

It is the center of Auroville, not only geographically but also energetically.....

Auroville is a unique one of its kind experiment in Human Unity.....still in the making, far from its ideal goals, and yet, so amazing that it exists and it works.........

Lunch at a restaurant with a salad bar buffet - it was very very good......watermelon, papayas, grated carrots, cherry tomatoes, iceberg, green and red peppers, broccoli, sunflower seeds and almond flakes.....olive oil and lemon juice for dressing......

To take pictures of these beautiful peacocks, one has to remain so still, so as to disappear.....it is like a meditation, the mind goes silent simply watching them......

Streets of Pondicherry, with the cows settled in for the afternoon, relaxed and completely at home......

Three wheelers, autorickshaws - zip around the streets of all Indian towns and cities - on Indian roads, it is quite a rollercoaster ride!!

I made raw dinner for my friends in Auroville - zucchini tagliatelli with coriander and walnut pesto, a raw pizza with a red pepper and tahini sauce, sprinkled with pumpkin seeds - for desert, I made a simple banana and spinach pudding, which went down like a dream :-)

Lunch alone at a sea-side Pondy restaurant - Salad with iceberg, tomatoes, apple slices, cucumber slices, lemon and - parmesan shavings, that I didn't eat - and a carrot and celery juice.....perfect......

It is freezing here and after the hot sunny indian weather, this feels like the arctic zone! I feel a little fragile and a lot more sensitive to this cold......well, its only for a few days and then I'm off again :-)

I'll post again very soon, I have so much to share......

And I definitely want to spend some time catching up on the other blogs......

Have a wonderful Easter Weekend,

xxx

Life, Colors, Sound, Sights............

2008-03-07T18:59:00.008Z

Vermillion, rust, magenta, sunset orange, rose, olive greens, azure blues, neon yellows, ivory creams and silver greys........

The colors of India are so striking and penetrate as deep as the sounds and sights of this place.

It is not possible to keep yourself at a distance from Life here, impossible to turn your face away.

Life, quietly or with fanfare, just seeps in through every crack or opening, from under the doors and window sills, little by little, until you are pulsating in accordance with its rhythm.......

The sun has been shining very single day I have been here, I close my eyes and feel its warm fire on my skin, simply divine..........

Moments of chaos, incomprehension, out-of-control situations, utterly incredible surprising ways of functioning.......sometimes bring on a wave of irritation or confusion which rapidly transforms into awe and marvel at how beautifully if not perfectly, everything works out in this country of mine.....

As the days pass, I feel overwhelmed with gratitude again.........and there are times I want to reach out and embrace it all, all, every single speck and grain.........

I begin each day with one and a half quart of green juice and also drink around three quarts of alkaline water with green powders......

A few of my meals have been small lightly cooked alkaline indian food and it is okay, I have no resistance to it.....I eat salads everyday and have also made a few raw food dishes for my family.

My mother has stopped eating her cooked acidic breakfast and drinks green juice every morning instead.....

My cousin has stopped giving her 4 year old son sweets and chocolates all the time (the child is a sugar addict) and instead gives him nuts and raisins now as well as vegetable juice and soups.....

My niece, who suffers from skin eczema, has given up on all sugars and refined foods and has already seen the difference in just five days......

An aunt of mine who suffers from psoriasis, is reading Ben's blog now and has begun having green juices everyday too.......

One step at a time, the change happens.....

One ripple at a time, the ocean transforms......

I dream and it is all real :-)

Thinking of you all, Much Much love xxx

I'll post some pictures the next time...........

To India today.......

2008-03-01T01:25:00.007Z

12:40 am Saturday

Right now, right here - I feel bubbles of joy and sparkles of bright light filling me up. I can almost feel the caress of hot sunshine on my body. There is a wide wide grin on my face that feels kind of stuck there. I feel silly and very happy.

One night to sleep and then I'm off to India........

And even though I had thought I wouldn't, I am coming back here in three weeks.....will be in London for a few days, a couple of days in Paris and then back to India again with a one way ticket......

These last few days have really shown me the futility of being attached in any way to my plans, desires, goals, decisions......

The Uni-verse is teaching me, gently yet firmly - to hold everything lightly, not tightly......to let it all flow through, no clinging, no grasping.......

Ah, the feeling of being free even from the very concept of freedom........this is a taste of tender melting bliss :-)

Yesterday, I had my usual quart and a half of green juice for breakfast. And then, for the first time since breaking my juice feast, I went on purpose and ate a cooked Indian vegan meal, in the Indian area around London.

It was a lunch buffet with a large variety of cooked vegetables, dals, three kinds of rice, fried breads and fritters, etc.......

I wanted to drown myself in the Indian tastes and see how that felt before I went to India......

I couldn't finish a quarter of my plate, a few bites and it was more than enough!

Empty and very old world......

For the rest of the day, it was only green juices and alkaline water with green powder......

Useful experience, at the right time - much needed before I land in my country and find myself surrounded with emotional and nostalgic triggers.......

I used to be so addicted to sugar and anything sweet - now after months of colonics and green juices, sweets have completely lost their hold on me - in fact, dehydrated or sweet foods now feel too dense and heavy to me - a once in a blue moon stuff to eat......

But right now, I have both crackers and cookies in my dehydrator, they are in for the night.....and I'm feeling quite pleased about taking them with me to India, occasional traveling food and also to share them with my family there.....

So it is crackers made with freshly ground flax seeds, almond meal, a sprinkling of pumpkin seeds, finely chopped shallots, cayenne pepper, himalayan pink salt and french provencial herbs......

And the cookies are done with pecan and almond ground in the food processor, then mixed with half a banana, coconut flakes, cinnamon, dried ginger powder, a pinch of salt, a big pinch of green stevia, some maca and some green powder too........

I just used whatever I had at home - following no recipe or measurements, just throwing things together - no idea what the result will be, but the smells wafting in from the kitchen are quite divine :-)

It is past one in the morning and I had better get some sleep.......

I am deeply grateful to all of you, this circle of new friends, these connections so precious......this sharing of love and opening of hearts, dancing our own unique steps to similar songs, helping, encouraging, being present and truly giving......

Thank you so much.....

Global juice feast begins today, so all my best wishes to David and Katrina, and to everyone who begins juicing now, Happy Feasting......

Will post whenever and from wherever I can in India........

Much Much love to you all,

Joyous Juicing and Merry Munching :-)

Scribbles from my journal - 12

2008-02-20T07:47:00.016Z

i love this "what is".....and what it is, is beyond one's control or planning.....

a couple of days in paris.....and i have learnt once again, to let go of "control" - the ultimate delusion!

exactly what i need, at exactly the right time, before i leave for india, the land of no-control and perfect chaos......

this mind and its opinionated preconceived notions about how things can be or are, about how people are or can be, about how it all should be and will - when this monkey mind becomes only a witness and allows life to happen as it will, without interfering......then all these illusions of certitude, these contractions of the ego, fade away......

and what is left is - only a fresh joyfilled acceptance of whatever is happening or not-happening, every moment, as it is......

this new world that has been born during these last few months of my healing journey - is new, so totally new - what makes me think "i" already know it and can walk its terrain like an expert?

what makes me feel sure of being able to manipulate its paths and reach destinations, when "i" don't have even the slightest knowledge of its basic operating system?

this is territory that has not even been mapped yet......it is a landscape in the making......and what makes its every hill and valley, what is creating its every twist and turn.....is simply, my every step and breath, every glance and caress.....and what makes me think that "i" can decide where i place my foot next or what i look at even in a state that is my best, when "i" can't even control my mind or control my breath?!

by grace and not desire, the surrender happens........right here, right now, i smile and feel light.....

then my feet follow the sound of an inner drummer, my breath comes and goes holding hands with gratitude for what ever is or not, my mind falls still and stays only watching, my heart knows nothing and is at peace with not knowing, my soul sings the song of one taste and my spirit dances to the tune of the new world unfolding......

and all is as it is.......being made, moment to moment, by my Self, not self.........

The unexpected once again.......

2008-02-15T17:45:00.008Z

Well, after five days of eating some solids and 2 quarts of green juices too every day - a new decision is made today......something totally unexpected.......and yet, on this journey of healing, so many unpredictable and amazing things have happened, nothing should surprise me anymore......

I am leaving for Paris the day after, on Sunday, for five days - and then a few days later, on the 1st of March, I leave for India.....and will not be using my return ticket and coming back here.

We are moving to Pune, a lovely town close to Mumbai.....

So, for almost 6 weeks, I will be staying as a guest, in Paris as well as in India (Mumbai, Pune, Auroville) with different people, family and friends, before I find a place for us and set up a home in my country......

Food is quite a sensitive issue for most people, a refusal to eat what they eat (which is mainly cooked food) while living with them, can offend, provoke and even hurt.....and also push one into a place where one might feel the need to defend, justify, explain oneself and one's choices etc etc......

Really tiring and quite unnecessary on both sides......

I can eat some lightly cooked food but I do need high raw....so it could end up being such a bother for my hosts, cause them anxiety and make them worry if they are being good hosts and feeding me the things I need to eat etc etc.....

My healing journey is not over yet.....certainly, I have healed to a large extent, I feel really good inside and out.....and yet, this is a new space for me, I sense that it is still a fragile subtle balance, one that needs a lot of respect and care.....

I have no desire to put myself or my friends and family through any difficult situations related to my nourishment and my healing.......

Thus, taking distance and standing at this point looking towards the near future - the best thing I can do for myself and my hosts - is to simply go on liquids again......

and so, I will begin liquid feasting from tomorrow.....a kind of modified juice feast.......

It will be much easier to say that I am healing and following a different protocol - so I don't eat but only drink - juices, shakes, elixirs and soups, all green.....all made in my Vita-mix that I will be carrying with me everywhere I go......

Then its only a question of getting my greens and veggies every other day - find a vegetable market, organic as much as possible, and buy my produce......carry some nuts, hemp, green powders, flax oil, etc - or find some wherever I am.......

Make it simple, make it juicy, make it flowing, make it alkaline, make it nutrient dense and prana-rich......

And take responsibility, take care of myself and do what needs to be done.....

I have been thinking and feeling a little apprehensive about the weeks ahead and now I feel at peace........

Once I have my own place, our new home, then its going to be such fun - to experiment with converting local and traditional Indian food into raw - and to continue being the change I want to see around.......

For now, green liquids it is, and they will do me just fine.....

Another journey begins, another chapter is being written, how exciting :-)

Awards - Juice Feaster & Creative bloggers

2008-02-13T13:25:00.012Z

Jack and Jill, so lovingly bestowed this award on me - now I'd like to pass it on to Suki @ Qito, for following your own intuitions, inner sense, protocol, feasting on juices and life - for being totally and consistently your authentic Self......

Thank you so much for always demonstrating great courage in pursuing your path and speaking out, for helping those who are ready to take a minor or major step, for just being you, beautiful, radiant and a constant source of inspiration......

Thanks Jenny and it is time to pass on the creative award to others.

* Shell from The Raw Kitchen

I love your pictures of raw food, they make me salivate and drool and get excited about learning new ways to feed myself and my entourage. I am certain that you could whip up a fantastic meal with just about any combination of ingredients in the kitchen. This award is for your creative and innovative spirit that shines through everything you present, so clearly, so beautifully.......

I so look forward to learning with you, whenever that may happen and wherever.......

*Kandace and Ray from Gone Raw

For creating a place that allows everyone to share recipes, information and ideas about raw and living foods. What a wonderful gift for all those who need to be able to access precious knowledge and learn to prepare and eat a whole new range of fantastic foods. I am very grateful to you both and all the goneraw community, it has been such a help to me, thanks a bunch.......

* Matt Monarch from Raw Success

For one of the most creative and brilliant minds I have come across. Most of your ideas and insights make a lot of sense to me and have helped me to make my own clearer. I have not read your books yet, I look forward to that, but in the meanwhile I am very thankful that you began blogging and sharing your journey with us, and that you are constantly looking for ways to enhance and enrich your blog, to give us the best of you. And your love for Angela and the way you express it has touched my heart deeply. Merci.

* Keiko from Rawket Science

You are a blessing. I love dropping by your place and discovering the fresh and creative ideas you constantly share, the stunning and absolutely beautiful pictures you post, the new and interesting recipes you come up with and then simply your radiant Self, that expresses itself in big and small ways, every time you post on your blog. Thank you very much, and I really dream of flying to Toronto one day to have a meal in the new place, Zen Den, that you are setting up, and who knows, dreams might come true one day.........

*Lindsay from Somewhere in the Body-Life

Ah, what can I say, my words are inadequate to express how much wonder, marvel and awe you inspire within with the way you share and express your creative self in so many nourishing and profound ways, on all levels, food for my heart, soul, spirit and body.....Thank you, and I can only say a sincere namaste and do a deep gassho to you........

JF Day 40 and Moving on......

2008-02-10T01:25:00.001Z

Tomorrow I will break my feast......

It is time for me to move on - the energy has changed and I need to listen to my body, my intuition and go with the new flow, dance this new dance now.....

These last few days, I have realized that even after more than three months on juices, the cleansing is not over, I think it will never be over.......and funnily, that fills me up with hope......

We nourish ourselves and at the same time have to let go of what is not needed on every level. Thus eliminating, cleansing, purifying is a life long process as is the need to keep receiving and digesting nutrients.....both are equally essential and are simply two sides of the same coin........

I have focused all my time and energy for the past four months on healing myself. And what does healing really mean?

For me it means - "becoming whole" "coming together"....

And that is how I feel today, whole and as though all of me has somehow come together, in the right place, the right way.......

I am filled with deep gratitude......

Green juices opened up a new world, one where my body got a real chance to catch up with the rest of me.

They flowed through all of me like fresh light filled drops of unconditional love.....and awakened dormant cells, shook up lazy organs, cleaned cobwebs and all dusty nooks and corners, illuminated dark areas and enlightened unconscious pores.......

I'd like to thank David and Katrina once again for bringing this feast into my life and transforming my world so radically, so brilliantly.

And to my fellow juice feasters, my heroes, my companions on this path, words are inadequate to express how immensely grateful I am to all of you......

Namaste and a deep bow.......

As I have said before, Green Juices have become a part of my life and I cannot imagine starting my day without them. I will be taking my Vita mix with me wherever I am traveling the next couple of months and I will have Green juices every day......

I have also realized that it is far more important for me to remain alkaline than raw. Eating sweet nutty raw deserts every other day is simply not for me....

Everything that is raw is not necessarily great for my body - that is how I see it.....

Eat alkaline, eat prana-rich, eat simple, eat less, eat lots of green, hydrate and eliminate, move and exercise, trust, accept and flow.......

And my understanding of what is alkaline is based on Robert Young and his work. For me Robert Young has really got it, he's cutting edge, and makes the most sense.

100% raw is not my objective.......

High raw along with some correctly cooked alkaline whole foods on the side will do me just fine. I have no conflict within about that.......

It is late here and I am sleepy, tomorrow is another day and it will bring solids back into my body, slowly, one step at a time, one breath one moment and it will all change, again.......

Jenny gave me the Creative Blogger Award the other day for my writing......

It has taken me a long time to have self-confidence about writing and to share it like this with others - so Thank You so much dear sweet Jenny, this means more to me than you can imagine......

Wish fulfilling pulsation........

2008-02-06T15:27:00.000Z

This is inspired by and dedicated to Raw B,

with love and gratitude........

spanda.......

quivering gently

in front of you

inside too and around,

only in silence

you will perceive

the beauty of its sound

float on the wave

on the unmoving wave

with a songline in the ocean,

a vibration with force

to realize and create

this life and all its motion

trembling notes

dance together

calling out to your soul,

might be a shout

or just a whisper

with power to make you whole

spandan spanda

essence of your life

your consciousness

and your being,

in your flesh

your blood and veins

it transforms into doing

all you need is to let go

then hold lightly

one pure intention,

to fly high

and touch the radiance

of the wish fulfilling pulsation

the world will open

and perfume your spirit

like roses blooming in spring air,

you'll smile and twirl

and overflow

with passionate equanimity and care...........

on and on for eternity

beyond all time and space,

you will enter now and forever

a bright new shining place,

your roots will grow strong

your branches spread wide

and in every facet of you,

you will be who you are meant to be

abundant blissfilled and true....................

JF Day 35, Transformation, Presents on a platter......

2008-02-05T01:05:00.000Z

Day 35 :

2 quarts celery, kale, pear, lemon, ginger, oil

1 quart cucumber, celery, spinach, tomato, red bell pepper, lime, ginger

1 quart alkaline water with green powder

Welcome to David, from Hippie's juice feast - who joined the juice feasting circle yesterday......

Today morning I looked at myself in the mirror and just kept on looking......my face has changed so much, not only is it much slimmer, but I have a feeling that my bone structure has changed, maybe I am only imagining it, I don't know.....is it possible?

My friend Ujwala came over from France for work and she is staying with me. When I opened the door to her this afternoon, she immediately said - You look like the first time I met you, 25 years ago.......

My body feels so different to me......when I sleep on my sides, I'm uncomfortable because I am so aware of my knee and ankle bones.....I can also feel the bones on my sides and hips......

My legs have changed, I have muscles where there were none before, and where there was fat, there is none now......

I have got back my Indian hourglass figure, the curves are still in place, the excess has disappeared......

I spent a couple of hours yesterday going through clothes I haven't worn for five years and tried them all on, one after another - some were too big for me.......

At the gym today, I had a session with my personal trainer Matt, and he smiled and said to me " I can't believe this, after four days, now I have to slow you down" - I worked for one full hour and at the end, I was so overwhelmed, I went to the locker room, found a corner and began to cry.......

I could not get over how quickly and incredibly my body was responding - any move I tried, it followed- any demand I made, it answered.....and without pain, no cramps, no sore muscles, it simply flowed and worked so beautifully......

I was so filled with gratitude, I walked back up again, gave Matt a hug and told him thank you.....he was a little flustered, but very touched too and said, watch it, you are going to be running a marathon at the speed you are going.......

We have decided to move to India as quickly as we can - and these last couple of days, some quite extra-ordinary things have begun to happen......things are falling into place, in ways beyond our expectations......we are being offered what we need almost on a platter.....

Dreams are on their way to becoming reality.....

JF Day 32 - Dances with the Green Juice.......

2008-02-01T14:57:00.000Z

Transformation is a dance, a Dance of Becoming. In this Juice Feasting, we are dancing a dance with the juices, partners at every step. It is not just the "Juices" that are affecting us and changing us. We participate equally, we bring "ourselves" and who we are to the process too. It is an alchemy, between us and the juices we ingest.

The dance is different every day........

At times it can be a real slow romantic number, melting our hearts and bringing tears to our eyes. Other times it is a Bollywood extravaganza, all sizzling melodramatic moves, full of fun and entertainment. Or how about a salsa or a tango, sensual smooth and turning our zones fully on. Sometimes we are out of sync, out of step and clumsy, we bounce on each other's toes, and have no desire to continue the dance anymore. Then the next day we go rock and roll.

One day we feel high, another day we feel low.........

I have found myself swinging between these ups and downs often too on this journey - feeling swept away in the beauty and radiance of intense emotions and pure energy.....it lasts a day or two, maybe four....and then......Where did it go? The high has become a low.

Sometimes not even necessarily a low, just so flat, boring, nothing.......

The taste of sparkles, the smell of light, the touch of the muse, the awe inspiring inner sight.....

It does not remain. I wait, knowing the next high will definitely come, and I have not been disappointed yet. It certainly comes. It a cyclic pattern, after all.

One can also call it the Dance of Opposites.....or even Dancing in the Duality.

Up and down, round and round, we simply follow the sound.

I've learnt so much in this dance..... after all, this hopping between two positions is what life as we usually know it is all about......we are used to it, we do it all the time.

So this journey has brought me untold riches and precious gifts on my highs, as well as grace and grit on my lows. I have healed. What a blessing.

I feel immensely grateful.......

And yet, today on my Day 32 - this is not enough anymore.....

There is an urge, a sincere aspiration in my heart and soul. I'm calling out for something else, something more, something I already know, I've tasted a zillion times before.......

This might sound completely nuts to those who have not experienced the dance with the green juices yet - but for me, these juices are alive and they respond beautifully to the way we move in this dance together.....

I no longer want to ride the highs and the lows or wait in transitory neutrals - I want to dance to another song, following a melody that runs beyond duality all throughout......

I want another groove, I'm going to change my moves - let the Dance change too, later or soon.......

JF Day 31, Radical change, Ujwala......

2008-01-31T21:46:00.000Z

Day 31 :

2 1/2 quarts cucumber, celery, kale, basil, pear, lemon, ginger

1 quart celery, carrot, lemon, ginger ( juice bar in town)

1 1/2 quart alkaline water with green powder

I love love love the gym - you were so right Doug :-)

A month ago, I had already decided to do some work back home in India and was planning to make three trips out there this year.

Now, the big decision we took the other night - We are moving to India this year - sometime in May/June :-)))))

I feel so calm, serene and at the same time terribly excited about the new life we are going towards in our near future......I don't even have the words, they all feel pretty banal and inadequate - just wanted to share this with you all, the rest of my words will take time to find their place within before I manage to bring them out.........

I received an e-mail today from a soul-sister, a friend of more than 25 years, who is a precious support and who lights up my path with her wisdom and total understanding all the time - her name is Ujwala, which means - bright and lustrous.........

As I don't have words tonight, I'll let her words speak for me.......thanks so much, uj, love you sis.......

"We are living what we are meant to live now. And I like where we both are. And I'm looking forward to moving forward with you, wherever and whenever that maybe, whatever form it takes, however it may happen. I do so love you, my sister of the soul.

You need India and it will resource you. Your healing and sharing of this healing needs a stage and London is not the stage. You need to return to the sun, the thunderous monsoons, the dry arid winters and surrounded by a love that is beyond family, beyond understanding: it comes from India. India is generous, so generous, if we hadn't had our roots there, we could not have bloomed outside it."

JF Day 30 - Reflections at mid-point......

2008-01-30T19:11:00.000Z

Day 30 :-)

* The last four days, I've been juice fasting instead of feasting, I was in pain and could not drink more than 2 quarts of juice - I will be gradually increasing the amounts back to normal from tomorrow.

* I had an acupuncture session yesterday evening and within fifteen minutes all pain disappeared. I have scheduled two more sessions in the next two weeks, first acupuncture, then colonics, same clinic.

* The list of my physical ailments was so long that over the last couple of months, I had completely forgotten that I had fibroids in my womb. Green juices + Vitalzym are breaking and dissolving these formations and thus the intense pain this month. Hopefully next month will be better :-)

* I had a colonic this morning and that was a huge help, as usual.

* I had cancelled my gym on Saturday and finally went this afternoon. I didn't have an appointment with the trainer today, so I was on my own. I felt so strange, wearing these gym clothes and brand new trainers, carrying my tote bag, I mean, who was this person, looking sporty, so not my style.

One guy was kind enough to show me a bike machine and set it up for me, level 1 - ten minutes. I was not sure I would last half that time!

Its a very demanding bike, if you slow down it switches itself off - after 3 minutes I thought I'd had it. After 3 more minutes, it began to feel okay. After 8 minutes, I began to flow with the flow, I disappeared, all that existed was a loop of energy being made by my legs, there was only this still point containing movement, just another wave to ride.....

After my 10 minutes, I did 10 more. I'm going back tomorrow, I have an appointment with a personal trainer.

Thus, I have slipped into the skin of someone who goes to the gym and loves it :-)

* Thank you once again, for leaving me kind and understanding, helpful and supportive comments.....

I'm learning so much from all of you juice feasters blogging, this circle of sharing enriches my life in every way. Its a blessing.

* These last few days, I have learnt for the umpteenth time the same learnings as before :

- The only way out is through.

- I am a circle with no periphery and my center everywhere.

- The extent of my suffering is totally dependent on my response to a problem or a pain, and in direct relation to which position I hold and what I choose to identify with.

- Riding the wave is all we can do.

- The very nature of existence, in all its varying dimensions and aspects (even in pain) is "bliss"

- Not one, not two, not me, not you, not this, not that, not yours, not mine, only the Life Divine....

JF Day 27 and 28 am

2008-01-28T06:48:00.000Z

Day 27

1 quarts of cucumber, celery, kale, pear, lemon, ginger, green powder

1 1/2 quart of cucumber, celery, spinach, bok choy, red bell pepper, lemon, ginger, hemp oil

1 quart of alkaline water with green powder

Day 28 am

It is 7 am here, I'm so glad I got a few hours sleep........

Yesterday was the most difficult day I've had since the beginning of this juice feast, or maybe even since the beginning of this whole healing journey......

And it is not over yet.

My time of the month, the worst time of the month!

There was so much pain yesterday.......

Excruciating, intense, burning, searing, tearing me apart, so painful it was nauseating, I was holding myself, rocking, chanting mantras, saying please please please over and over again......

When one has begun to live in a pain free world for a while, tasted the possibility of being in a body that is so well and fine, then to suddenly find oneself back again in the grip of old times, is such a shock to the system......

How does one deal with this kind of pain, that spreads from the stomach, abdomen, to all over the body, as if the whole body is giving up.....legs start getting cramps too, the back, oh the lower back, right in the center spine, feels like the bone is being wrenched and twisted, left side headache that pulls on the neck and shoulders then travels and begins to seep out from your left eye like molten lava , one after the other, everything is affected. the whole body hurts and hurts real bad........

In the old world I would have popped a couple of Advils every few hours and that would have been that!

But I don't live in the old world anymore - it has just come a visiting.....and Advil feels like something from the pre-historic age! Alien!

At one point I asked Trevor to just hold me and I began to sob, crying on his shoulder......when would this be over, what was the whole point, would I ever really be completely healed, would the pain really leave me alone ever, or never........

But in the middle of this rant with my sweetheart simply holding me tight and being completely present for me, I realized that even though I was having all this pain, the pain wasn't really having all of me.......somewhere in the background I was still feeling good, even as I cried, I was still feeling good........

All I had to do was stay with this background and have the pain, not resist it, but embrace it fully, ride the wave, not run away from it.......

The rest of the day I lived in my new beautiful world, one with clarity and joy and a body that responds and is transforming slowly and surely, drinking my juice, not enough of it for the day, but well, whatever I could was ok......

I stayed in bed all the time, meditating, deep breathing, then reading blogs, posting comments, feeling inspired once again, grateful for all of you being there for me too.......

I slept very late, pain never allows one to sleep easily - it kicks you alive - and maybe that is what it is here to do really, that is its true purpose - to kick me into wakefulness - make me more conscious - take me further on the road to becoming whole - help me give up more of this illusion of control - allow me to dissolve more of my little petit self - it brings in the goddess Kali - all fierce and raging and swirling around me - then she simply cuts my head off quite graciously and finally there is sleep for a few hours, thanks to her........

The pain is still here, an old friend that I have outgrown but who has come calling on me with a gift - teaching me to surf in stormy weather - so I'm going to lie down and deep breathe, stay in my center and ride this wave again........

JF Day 26 pm

2008-01-27T00:20:00.000Z

ashes overflowing from a scratched crystal plate, dusty surfaces that moan, steel framed images of chaos on the wall......

his face behind the paper, sipping coffee, i write, sipping peppermint tea......

clouds float by, just a glimpse of sunshine, this lazy saturday afternoon brushes my face gently......

i scribble, he works on his crossword, we share pens and glances across the table, his presence tangible one moment, transitory the next.......

i could sit here forever, softly reaching out for a tender touch, a look, watching steps pass by on this ground of patterns clashing......

an eyebrow lifted, a confident smile, the bartender pours golden liquid over mounds of ice.....

a scene, a stage, the whole universe contained, in this old pub at hampstead place......

perhaps this rambling makes no sense, i am a stranger to these words flowing, and yet, the pen must have its say, before it runs out of ink and play......

mountains and valleys are born in a moment only to vanish an instant later, i remain still amidst noise and color, dissolving in the empty gap between breaths.....

peace reigns and travels from his hand to mine, mine to his, slowly seeping into my soul.....

i am at rest, at the bottom of the ocean, even as a multitude of waves arise on the shore......

i fill page after page, blue print on white void, meaning makes music of its own......

drip after champagne drip the carpet wets, colors mingle into a mosaic of ancient melodies, i want to capture with paint or pencil, this dance of endless eternity........

reds and browns, all colors around, talk to me, reveal the depths you hold, open your cracks ooze out your souls, what is real and what is not, this is beyond just flesh and bones.........

JF Day 25 and 26

2008-01-26T08:15:00.000Z

Day 25 :

1 quart cucumber, celery, kale, tomato, lemon, ginger, green powder

1/2 quart celery, carrot, ginger (juice bar in town)

1 quart cucumber, celery, spinach, coriander, carrot, lime, hemp oil

1 1/2 quart alkaline water with green powder

Day 26 : am

I slept for two hours and woke up at 2:30 am - wide eyed, with a chain of ideas and insights floating one after another through my mind......and a vision all finished, already made, dropped right into my being......

I was literally pulsating with energy, lying in bed with a silly wide grin, overwhelmed with gratitude, holding a clear picture of a new world, a new home, in this night space ........

A huge change once again.......another country, another place.....

My energy woke Trevor up too, and I shared my vision with him......it resonated so completely for him, that a decision was made right away......how incredible is that??!!

We talked for hours and plans were made, practicalities discussed, dreams were bared and laughter shared......

Will tell more over here, when the time is right.......

Till then, we simply have to hold this very gently, it is so precious, this new path unfolding, that is leading us to sunshine, blue skies, away from our present lives........

There are so many things to do, and many more to undo......

How many lives are going to be radically transformed, inside and out, on this journey of Juice feasting? :-)

This really is, a Hero's journey......

I'll go make some juice and catch up with you'll later......

Sweet dreams to those going to bed, and a very happy morning to those waking up......and welcome to Poppy, juice feasting in Paris.......

Scribbles from my journal - 11

2008-01-25T16:02:00.000Z

intimacy :

i look into your eyes

so deep and intense

hidden behind veils of silver

glimmers

the secret of your core.....

you look into my eyes

searching for space

reaching for a place

to rest

and come home......

our hands come forward

lingering

trembling fingers entwine

and stroke

the yearning for more.......

walls around us

dissolve and melt

then flow away

leaving

a row of open doors.......

a moment when

time stays still

pauses and sighs

full of life

a wave breaks

on the shore........

whole in Self

whole together

our bodies aligned

joined in ecstasy

in the center

of our souls.........

JF Day 24

2008-01-24T21:38:00.000Z

Day 24 :

1 quart cucumber, celery, kale, tomato, parsley, lemon, ginger, hemp oil

1 quart celery, carrot, ginger (from a juice bar in town)

1 1/2 quarts cucumber, celery, spinach, bok choy, basil, tomato, ginger, lemon, green powder

1 quart alkaline water with green powder

First of all, a big Welcome to some new juice feasters, every day the numbers increase, this is so exciting :-)

Philip from Loving Raw

Suki at Qito

Lucy from Redefining Reality

Heidi from Raw Food Right Now

I woke up at noon today, had a hard time opening my eyes. Slept 10 hours straight. I must say, the last couple of days drained me a bit, what with a very powerful colonic session the day before - then last night an enema that almost matched the colonic.........

Today, the sun was shining, the sky was blue and I stepped out to get my dose :-)

Walked to town instead of taking the bus, felt so good even though a little tired - found a place on the Green that does organic fresh juice, a little too sweet but good nevertheless. I sat outside in the sun drinking half a quart, then took along another half with me.....

I found a place that colors hair using organic plant derived colors, so as I'm not yet ready to have even a partially grey head, I went and treated myself over there, they were very good, even offered a free head massage with an aromatic oil of my choice......

And then I did something quite unexpected, out of the blue - that completely took me by surprise.....

I walked into the Richmond Hill health club and joined it for a month. I have never done anything like this before, first of all I haven't had the energy to do it ever, and then I've always shied away from exercising and sweating in the midst of other people.

Shucks, I don't even know how the hell this happened, but it has and now I have an appointment on Saturday with an induction coach!

I'll have to buy gym clothes, whatever that means, not a clue - as well as a pair of appropriate shoes........

Well, it has happened, so now I better accept and enjoy it......

I'm going to take it slow, take my time, and I plan to make this new experience a load of fun :-)

Some work on some machines, no idea here either - will find out soon enough......perhaps a yoga class a week - and what really makes me happy is the idea of saunas, yessssss, more toxins out :-)

And I will take my supplements more regularly, drink more juice, I want to finally take it to one gallon next week.......

Oh yes, I tried on some old clothes from 5 years ago, just to give me an idea of how much more I needed to lose to get into one of my favorite black pants - and I fit right into them.....

No idea about weight loss, I'm not weighing myself at all - but this was a super gift, for sure :-)

Ok I can't stop smiling, so smile with me :-)

Just an ordinary day that turned out to be not so ordinary after all........